you and me and history, remember?

After a while of talking about how Anya acts the trainer says there’s nothing to worry about, Anya likes Shane just fine, it’s just that she sees him as the boss and is acting accordingly

And Ilya is like. But. I’m the one who adopted her? And raised her before Shane got here?? And the trainer is just like yeah well she sees you more like an equal. And Ilya is like WAIT she thinks Shane is in charge of both of us?? And the trainer is just like well do you interact in a way that would make her think that?

Ilya’s life flashes before his eyes as he thinks of all the times Shane has come over with a snack for Ilya and a treat for Anya, or all the times Shane has announced they’re all going for an after dinner walk, or pets Ilya’s hair and tells him he did a good job at practice, or the fact that he uses the same warning tone with Anya when she misbehaves as he does with Ilya when he’s causing problems on purpose

HUDSON WILLIAMS APPRECIATION WEEK | Day 4: Favorite Photoshoot

Years later, one of the rookie Centaurs brings up the map in conversation at a team party and mentions his favorite pin, an odd one at the Saskatchewan rink. Shane goes a little pale but lingers to hear, just in case. The rookie pulls it up on his phone and reads it out:

the floofy curls

the snuggly towel

Ilya, however, never quite got the hang of it. He knows a lot of his teammates nap whenever and wherever, falling asleep before games in hotel rooms or resting up on the road, snores filling the team bus or plane, but Ilya can't quite get there. It's probably a remnant from childhood, from not feeling safe enough to let his guard down like that. He can't even imagine what the reaction would have been if his father had come home to find him asleep on the couch. He was certainly quick enough to accuse him of laziness without Ilya handing over additional ammunition for free.

But Ilya loves holding Shane when he naps. He loves how quickly his body grows lax, loves the gradual shift in the depth of his breaths, loves the warmth of his body pressed against him, loves his sleepy little sounds and scrunched little face when he wakes up, loves that Shane trusts him enough to be that vulnerable around him. Shane doesn't really know that Ilya doesn't nap, not with how often Ilya's the one to suggest one, not with the way Ilya makes sure to feign coming out of sleep as soon as he feels Shane shift in his arms in that particular way that suggests he's waking up. He doesn't want to risk Shane feeling like Ilya's doing him a favour with holding him through his naps, doesn't know whether he can admit how much he loves their naps even though they never include Ilya falling asleep. He likes the way things are. He doesn't want to risk it changing.

except for the fact that it's now ilya's turn to be VERY nervous about what shane is going to say in front of his parents in a reversal of shane having about three heart attacks concurrently thinking he was going to have to hear ilya explain the concept of fuckbuddies during the dinner scene

@commanderbabyboy

ilya uses the like 0.5 seconds he's got when david is going to get coffee and yuna is stepping into the hall to SO gently take shane's face in his hands and get his attention like "hey, hey, shane, can you focus, please? ye-no, sweetheart, don't touch the gauze again. okay, do you want to be good for me?"

*muffled because there's cotton in his mouth* "yesh :)"

"good, you are always so good for me" *head kiss* "now, i need you to be VERY good and NOT talk until i say so, okay?"

"but you like when i'm loud, don't you?" *big, teary eyes* "you don't want me to tell you when i feel good?" *wobbly lip that would break a FAR harder heart than ilya's, especially when shane also currently has some very cute chipmunk cheeks happening*

"no, no, dorogoy, you know i love all of your pretty words and sounds." *smooch smooch* "but this is a new game, okay? we are trying something new together."

*still slightly sniffly but nod nod* "my shafeword is fashe-off"

*clinging to composure with the tips of his fingers* "yes, very good. but right now you are not going to say ANY words, okay?"

*nod nod and pleased little smile because he remembers The Rules under these circumstances* "then i tap you three timesh"

*SO close to fully having a breakdown* "yes, very good. and now time to be quiet, yes?"

*shane almost hits himself in the face miming zipping his lips shut*

and this works GREAT

...until the nurse asks shane what his pain level is on a scale of 1-10, and shane remains SILENT. and the nurse is, "shane? we can adjust your pain medication if you need. it's not a trick question." and shane just lolls his head over to the side and BEAMS at ilya because Look How Good I Am Being. :)

in fucking TEARS imagining shane whining through his nose (because not speaking! he remembers The Rules!!) as ilya is now trying to pull his hands away, and the nurse is just "oh, honey, don't worry. no one's going to be selling photos of the two of you holding hands here. we don't let cameras in past the door."

and thank you, ma'am, that's very kind

but it's NOT the fucking issue here

adding @nightquills

GOD yuna and david are only both there in the first place because ilya has never actually dealt with coming-out-of-sedation shane and while he's very good at handling him normally, shane has a tendency to be a flight risk because he's confused and Not Happy About All Of The Everything, so they wanted to be there just in case

and now they're here still just as backup in case it's needed but also aw :) how sweet :) shane is so calm :) how nice :)

meanwhile ilya is just planning the vacation he's going to reward himself with after this is over

op's tags

yuna and david are in the front and ilya is in the backseat trying to keep shane from climbing into his lap. shane is like oh he strapped me down. kinky :D meanwhile ilya voice THAT IS YOUR SEATBELT

But last week they had to install new security cameras on their house because their outing made them Actual Famous instead of just Hockey Famous and there have already been threats, at least one of them credible. And two weeks ago SNL aired a skit about them the punchline of which was basically just the worst moment of Shane's life played over and over again for laughs. He is so afraid that Ilya is going to start wanting to die again that it keeps him up at night. He's trying to Amy Dunne Cool Girl it through so many different things. Food, social events, sometimes even sex although this is in the context of sex being one of the only times he feels fully normal and he is trying to frame this as the natural result of being a newlywed instead of as physically needing his body reset, sometimes several times a day. So he's coaxing Ilya into the bedroom and he's smiling and saying, "I just can't keep my hands off you," and what he really means is please put your hands on me and hold me together for a little bit longer but even he doesn't really know that's what he's asking for.

He is actually, genuinely happy to get to play hockey with his husband. Just as happy as he used to be when they played against each other all those years--which are such fond memories now tarnished by the constant fucking cheating allegations.

He's happy that he gets to walk down the street with his husband now--of course he fucking is. Butz again: they are Actual Famous now and the media cycle is obsessed with the idea that their marriage is essentially one of convenience and hurdling towards disaster. The prevailing theory is that they were caught essentially hooking up and had to marry each other as a PR move. Nevermind the multiple times that they have alluded to the timeline of their relationship.

And there are stressors that have nothing to do with fame, really. The owner of a local Russian restaurant recognizes Ilya just as a customer one day while he and Shane are sitting on the patio of coffee shop having lunch and the restaurant owner approaches Ilya and just launches into a conversation in Russian and Shane is halfway out of his seat before he realizes that Ilya is smiling and doesn't seem threatened. He has to walk around the block to calm himself down.

It gets to the point where he is just constantly low-level buzzing and he only feels absolutely normal when he is alone with his husband, usually when he's literally under him, and when he's on the ice.