she/they. Fat, Queer, Slutty, Mixed, and Crazy. Settler on Treaty 7 land. I am an Unfriendly Canadian Heated Rivalry is my whole personality. This is currently a back up for my threads account
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Was supposed to be a fun little fic about silly bathroom grafitti, somehow became an emotional exploration of the ways viewpoints change in the MLH. Written because of one AI tee shirt and a desire to have Ilya chase Shane around a hotel dining room
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
David Hollander meets Yuna Takahashi at McGill. Compliant with my previous Yuna/David story, so starts in 1979. May add more chapters, but currently is a complete story.
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17 year old Shane Hollander pouring over every single game tape he can find of teenage phenom Ilya Rozanov, hunting down the grainiest clips of his regional juniors team in Russia, feeling slightly hot under the collar as he watches him execute maneuverers none of his own teammates would dare try and some of which he's not sure he could perform himself: "I sure am excited to play against team Russia for reasons that are entirely sportsmanlike and rooted in a deep respect for the game and are not at all homosexual in nature."
sexism in medicine kills people. racism in medicine kills people. fatphobia in medicine kills people. queerphobia in medicine kills people. classism in medicine kills people. ableism in medicine kills people.
do not downplay people’s fears about being mistreated because they are a part of a marginalised group. it is a matter of life and death and you should be angry about it.
I think it's insane that even in the most leftist and "progressive" spaces the idea of equating morality with looks is alive and present and no one fucking bats an eye at it. like racists and mysoginysts are always portrayed as fat and hairy and generally unkept, as a contrast to the morally good and attractive leftists of course; people will have no problem being genuinely fucking awful about someone's appearance if they're deemed to be a "bad person". and the worst part is you point all of this out and people act like you're reading too much into things like no dude you gotta start using your brain more
Ok but I am not over this little exchange in the show. Cuz in the book, when Ilya talks about a girl, she's some rando in new york who is getting married, necessitating Ilya finding a replacement hook up, because there's three teams around New York, so he's there often.
But in the show, it's Svetlana. Svetlana, who is gorgeous, and loves hockey, and thinks Shane is hot and has great hands.
And literally this conversation sounds like Ilya trying to set Svetlana up with Shane.
Ilya (chatty): There is a girl I like here very much, Svetlana.
Shane (pissy): Oh?
Ilya (so casual): She's old friend, from Russia. Her father was famous goaltender of Soviet team. She knows everything about hockey.
Shane (still pissy): Cool.
Ilya (invitingly): And she likes you very much.
Shane (confused): Oh? That's nice.
Ilya: [Chuckling]
Shane (still confused): So she's, like, your girlfriend?
Ilya (dismissive): No, no. Nothing like that. She's old friend. Sometimes we f*ck, but... is nothing more than that.
And I fucking laugh every time, because WHAT IF? What if this was a slightly different timeline, and Shane says "oh, cool, does she want my number?" And Ilya has to fucking follow through on the dumbest thing he's ever done. Because he can't tell Shane "I LIED YOU CAN'T TALK TO HER" without telling Shane how he really feels, or saying his relationship with Svetlana is more serious than it is to the man Ilya's actually in love with
And Svetlana starts texting Shane, figures out he's Jane, and becomes her diabolical best self.
She starts texting Ilya about how much fun Shane is, and what great taste he has, and how they just get each other, and it's perfect because Shane LOVES talking hockey for HOURS and Ilya has to just smile and be okay with it, and every time he mentions Svetlana to Shane, Shane is confused because they're just friendly chatting about hockey cuz Sveta would NEVER move on Ilya's man but boy is she having fun.
And Ilya's grinding his teeth to the fkn bone because Ilya thinks Shane's being private and Svetlana cannot shut the fuck up about them. AND HE CANNOT SAY A THING
Anyway. This is the romcom behaviour I think about sometimes.
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the commissioner of the nhl saying that the nhl needs to do work before season 2 of heated rivalry comes out and saying he/the nhl wouldn’t react the way the commissioner does in the books is actually so funny to me because not only does no one believe that, just the idea of the nhl realizing they need to do last minute pr because of heated rivalry s2. before when s1 blew up they were able to reap the benefits of the goodwill of the show and have people be like “hmm hockey sure is interesting” and the nhl gave flat, surface level supportive statements of the show/gay people. now they have to deal with the years of issues of homophobia in the nhl coming back to bite them in the ass this next season and really have to pretend like they care about gay people my chesthdkdjcnf hockey is the most spotlighted this year that its ever been and everyone is seeing the dark underbelly immediately. they spent years capitulating to homophobes so they wouldn’t alienate part of their audience (and homophobic players) by banning themed jerseys, and now they are going to scramble to pretend that they support the gays.
Gary Bettman is a POS and will 100% fuck this up. He would respond worse than Crowell to a gay player. Bettman is the worst thing that every happened to the NHL
we Do Not talk enough about the 'i wish you were here right now' 'i wish i was too' at the end of the phonecall scene in ep 5. like???????? the sheer earnestness of it????????? it's maybe not an 'i love you' but it's a confession in its own right. it's shane saying 'i want you here with me so i can hold you and take care of you and carry some of the weight for you' and how WONDERFUL must that feel to ilya - who has just poured his entire heart out, who is feeling so scraped raw - to hear that even when shane doesn't know what he said?????? and he's So affected by it. so affected that he can't even make himself answer in english. like even at that, his voice still breaks when he replies in russian. and whether shane thinks he's just translating the phrase as asked or not i think he still understands what ilya is saying. and when you think about it, it's the first time they both admit to wanting each other at the same time. ilya refuses to respond to shane's confession of feelings in tampa and shane can't respond to ilya's confession on the phone but this bit. this is the thing they can both say. 'i wish you were here right now' 'i wish i was too' it's so romantic i might die
You know I'm a committed Hollanov Regina truther, as in, they fell in love in Regina the second they met on person. I fully believe they were obsessed with each other before they even encountered one another (all that tape), and meeting tipped them into love.
Here is my latest random proof.
They trust each other so much.
In the book, Ilya has never told anyone about Sasha. Ever. He knows it's a bomb that could completely ruin his life, and he gives all that power to some boy who is enthusiastic but unskilled at sucking dick?
Nuh uh.
Ilya is a traumatized child, he's hypervigilant, he's a survivalist. He's not handing grenades to people he barely knows. Even at his most self destructive, this would not happen.
He trusts Shane completely.
How do we know Shane is in love?
He trusts Ilya completely as well.
We know, from.the books, that Shane has buried his attraction to men very deep (innu-what). Despite being a horny teenager growing up in Ottawa, which is in literal walking distance of Quebec, Shane has never once indulged with a man. He's had oral sex and apparently penetrative sex with girls prior to meeting Ilya, but he hasn't even once so much as gotten a bad hand job at a sleepover from a guy?
Impossible. Except we know Shane is extremely private.
So inviting over his supposed rival for sex? That is an absolute metric fuckton of trust (metric fucktons are larger than imperial fucktons, everyone knows this).
The hallmark of love isn't attraction. It's trust. These aren't two anonymous strangers cruising in a park. These are two people who could completely ruin each other's lives on a fundamental level, but they trust each other completely.
Regina, Baby. They fell in Love in Regina. Right. Fkn. Here.
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Ok, I am going to be as gentle as I can when i say this, because fanfic writers, you are amazing. And I will not harp on hockey, because hockey is a ridiculous sport so sure, let everyone score seven hat tricks a month. Let every game end with score like 10-3, I don't fucking care. And I don't care who is fucking whom, and for what reasons. And if they're all demons or wedding planners or in college or work for NASA or start a band. Pop off, I love it.
But this is very important. You are telling queer stories. And I know the entirety of queer history is a lot.
But I do very much need you to know when same sex marriage was legalized in the state or country you're writing in.
Same sex marriage is a hard fought right. It's important. And seeing people write stories that don't even acknowledge the struggle is extremely invalidating.
If you want your story to have a couple married before it was legal, please at the very least include a note that says "i know it wasn't legal here until 20__ but I want to write in a world better than the one we live in"
Me, in commentator voice: And its full Gay!Agenda!Mode for Canada's Shane Hollander this weekend! He's out to get his man, and we know when Hollander decides how a play is going to go, he makes it happen! Not the most versed in gay culture, but no one's Rozanov IQ is better!
My (non existent) co-commentator: It's always exciting to see the ways that Hollander can change the game in seconds by sheer force of will. And check out that full body press! Someone learned about pheromones!
this is it, y’all. i’ll literally never be able to create something that can top how fucking awful this is, and the only reason why god himself has not struck me from the face of the earth is because then i wouldn’t have to live with what i’ve done. what i’ve done, being:
the hockey dick alignment chart
- lawful good: the accidental shot of brandon sutter’s actual dick taken while another player was being interviewed (x, x)
- neutral good: chris kreider golf pic (x)
- chaotic good: alex ovechkin (feat. dick piercing???) (x)
- lawful neutral: jump-roping sedin (x)
- true neutral: jack eichel @ beach (x)
- chaotic neutral: wcoh 2k16 claude giroux w/ beer (x)
- lawful evil: sidney crosby freeballin’ @ asg18 (x)
- neutral evil: evgeni malkin workout gif (x, x)
- chaotic evil: dylan strome cupid shuffle dressed as woody from toy story (x)
with an honorable mention going out to the gif where ovi casually flashes his dick to mike green (x)
*DISCLAIMER: the dicklignment – i know, i know – was decided purely by vibes given off by the situation of each picture/gif/video; not my feelings on the players themselves/the teams they play for, not on how impressive each dick is or isn’t – just good ol’ objective dick-vibe science. carried out by my hellbrain. i literally could not be more sorry.*
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Make no mistake, Ilya and Shane are fully co-obsessed. Sure, Ilya's all "freckles 🤤" but Shane is JUST AS DOWN BAD, POSSIBLY EVEN MORE
Shane jerked off on Draft Day thinking of Ilya because Ilya TOUCHED HIS FINGERS TWICE.
FINGERS.
TWICE.
NONE OF THAT PHRASE IS A EUPHEMISM
A FULL YEAR LATER, Shane's all "hey man, let's just forget about this." Then Ilya adjusts his towel a lil and Shane says "1410, fuck me up bro." No second thoughts. Dickmatized by the MEMORY of Ilya jacking it in the shower.
Ilya says "more" and Shane's all "fuck germs, Imma spray this phallic metaphor STRAIGHT DOWN MY THROAT, DO NOT PASS GO, DO NOT COLLECT 200 DOLLARS."
Shane KNOWS hotel rooms have shitty soundproofing and that Scott Hunter is RIGHT NEXT DOOR and Ilya LEFT HIM IN THE GODDAMN HALL and Shane is still "sir yes sir" when Ilya orders him to his knees.
EVEN ILYA WASN'T PREPARED FOR THAT. CANONICALLY.
Ilya dicks Shane down SO GOOD the first time they hook up in Montreal that Shane sits his FRESHLY USED ASS on THESE COLD CONCRETE STAIRS, listens to Ilya mock his Olympic dreams, AND STILL LOOKS AT HIM LIKE THIS ARE YOU FKN KIDDING ME
Ilya ghosts him for six months, says "suck my dick" as a hello, makes Shane BEG in a PUBLIC BATHROOM and Shane still WHIMPERS when Ilya says "well actually let's play a game."
This is not the face of tolerance my peeps, this is straight up OBSESSION.
"We didn't even kiss" but come October IT'S NOT JUST LAUNDRY GETTING FOLDED OVER THE COUCH AMIRITE?!
IN TLG Shane drives two hours on the worst roads in Canada WITH A PLUG IN HIS BUSSY B/C ILYA WORE A MINISKIRT FFS
"It's not the sex Alice, " yes I hear the objections so ok, let's talk ridiculousness.
Shane gives up the diet he's made HAYDEN AND JACKI commit to for SIX YEARS because Ilya says "I'll make you a delicious but actually horrendous sammich."
Shane sees Ilya lick ONE GIRL'S EAR AND HAS A TOTAL MENTAL BREAKDOWN IN THE MIDDLE OF A CLUB. IN MONTREAL. The quintessential Canadian experience.
Ilya promises chocolate bars to a buncha kids, tells Shane (in his geometric dick shirt) to pay for it AND HE DOES BECAUSE ILYA LOOKS CUTE PLAYING WITH KIDS WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK
THE HOSPITAL SCENE OMFG.
On the left, Shane before Ilya arrives, on the right, Shane after. HE LITERALLY COMES TO LIFE.
When Ilya comes to the hospital, Shane is so doped up he has no inhibitions. What's his first repsonse?!? "EEEELLLYAAA" at a volume that might actually be a noise violation.
Ilya is like, "discretion, my sweet broken nerd," and Shane is like "NAH BRUH, LET ME ANNOUNCE HOW MUCH I NEED YOU AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS HURRAY FOR FOIP IMMA TELL ALL THESE NURSES ABOUT HOW MUCH I WANNA SNUGGLE YOU ILYA ROZANOV CAPTAIN OF THE RAIDERS AND MY GREATEST RIVAL"
In TLG?! Shane says, no dogs, Ilya says, well actually we are dog parents now and Shane's like "bet. Leave your pet chaos in my home permanently despite the fact you're hardly ever here. Your child is our child. I have always loved dogs."
Yeah, Shane's a private person but don't you think, once they can be public, Shane isn't within three feet of Ilya at all times they're in the same space? Like THOSE couples at the restaurant? You know them. Disgustingly in love. No sense of decorum at all.
Shane was all full contact foot touches when THEY WERE PLAYING IT SECRET.
WHAT ON EARTH MAKES YOU THINK HE'LL BE NORMAL WHEN THEY CAN BE OPEN ABOUT THINGS.
Shane ran across like seven football fields and the fuckin Laurentians IN A TOWEL WHEN SOMEONE SAID ILYA'S NAME WHEN THEY WERE STILL "SUPER SEKRIT LOVAHS."
"Maybe he's sick" "nope, I'd know because I was suckin his cock before the game, i took his temperature WITH MY TONSILS."
The only thing keeping this dork's love life a secret is heteronormativty and the alarming rate of CTE in professional men's hockey.
You think he's recovered from this once HE CAN ACTUALLY JUST BE HONESTLY OBSESSY MESSY?! Oh nay nay, HE WILL BE SO MUCH FUCKING WORSE. He will be attached to Ilya's belt loops at all times.
Shane is so fucking obsessed with Ilya it's unbelievable. Honestly the least believable thing to me about TLG (and I get it, for story beats) is that Shane isn't continually checking Ilya's Insta.
(In my headcanon, Shane avoids Ilya's social media because it makes him miss Ilya too much. MY HEADCANON YOU CAN'T CHANGE MY MIND)
The man was watching tape of Ilya before his voice cracked. Ilya is the boy he wanted when they were still children on separate continents. Shane was excited about Ilya before he even knew he was into dudes. They were both obsessed before they even met, and it never stops.
It's fun to imagine Shane being huffy because Ilya fucked up the dishwasher or something, just cuz angy kitten Shane is always a party. But never for a moment think Shane merely tolerates Ilya.
LOOK AT THE PHOTOS I POSTED. SHANE'S FACE IS NOT THE FACE OF TOLERANCE, PEOPLE. OR EVEN ACCEPTANCE
This is OBSESSION. There's nothing tolerant here, this is full on "I CELEBRATE YOUR EXISTENCE. MY LIFE MEANT NOTHING BEFORE YOU AND WILL MEAN NOTHING WHEN YOU ARE GONE. ALL I HAVE EVER WANTED IS YOU."
Shane is DOWN HORRENDOUS for everything Ilya does. Don't ever doubt it.
