(∩ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)⊃━☆ﾟ. * ･

Bart floaters no mercy

the funniest dynamc between my boyfriend and i is the chef/baker divide runs so deep. experimentally my boyfriend is a genius with figuring out what flavor profiles will not just taste good together but also will be enjoyed by the specific audience he is cooking for. a recipe is not a guidebook so much as a suggestion and he will frankenstein ideas together to get exactly what he wants to happen. he also didnt know that sugar will not work properly if you dont mix it with the wet ingredients in banana bread and when i asked 'why didnt you do it in the order of the recipe' he said 'i didnt really think it mattered'. autistically i exploded his head in my mind

It’s so fucked up that experiences from previous relationships can forever impact your ability to form and maintain new relationships. They should patch that out

today I found out my mother doesn't know what dandelions are and now I'm wondering what other strange secrets she's been quietly harboring

Where do you live that you don't have dandelions?

we have dandelions EVERYWHERE, they are basically our State Weed, it is absolutely impossible that my mom has never interacted with a dandelion before, this requires further investigation

then wtf is a daffodil......................

Oh easy mistake. Yearning actually rises from the floor and longing hangs from the ceiling

Can't let British people have air conditioning because first they'd call it something twee like "the climate fixer" and then in 20 years they'll call it "the climb" or "the climmy"

French kids would call it "le climot", frustrating language officials who would prefer they call it "machine pour le contrôle du climat froide à l'interieure de l'édifice"

animal control to major tom

animal control to major tom

grab the cage and find out where that wombat's gone

when you have a hammer everything looks like a guy you could kill with a hammer

the oldest reblogs for this post that i can find are from january 2nd of 2013. this can has been getting kicked around tumblr for almost 13½ years now

And yet somehow this is my first time kicking it!

free use? *smirks snartly* so naive. you know nothing in this damned society is really free...