Wine and wit and laughs for everyone

I’m going to defeat you with the power of friendship and this gun I found

asked a student what their favorite animal was today and they said “a cheetah AND a sloth” and I said “wow smart, you’ve got both ends of the speed spectrum covered!” and they looked at me like I was the only sensible adult they’d ever spoken to

And this isn't a broken-up couple on the rebound. They've absolutely always been like this with each other save for the 11 months they were married, during which time every single day was a murder-suicide risk.

Two people who are each other's absolute everything unless you try to make them share a kitchen and a budgeting system

Okay, I probably don’t need to be posting this on Tumblr dot com, but I feel compelled to shout into the void. I just spent the last two hours talking to a pretty girl at a bar. As a girl. And she approached me. Me, a girl. This was not necessary a serious connection or anything, but that’s not the point. It feels significant to me because honestly I do look pretty tonight, and now I know that I am not delusional about that. A beautiful lesbian stranger saw me as a woman, and I think I just really needed that affirmation. I can work with this.

Hey OP? What the FUCK does this mean?

decay exists as an extant form of life

That’s a terrifying answer, have a nice day

THE ORIGINAL?!?!!!!!!!!;!!!!!!!!???

nothing better than seeing trans people living happy lives in the wild

I love the implication that, as Larry is an "unpaid trainee", the dog is paid.

people killin people dyin, barry bluejeans magic brian

I wanna say farm life sims are ridiculous, but honestly if a butch girl who ran a farm talked to me every day and gave me flowers twice a week I’d be sucking her cock by summer

Happy Friday afternoon! 😁☺️ We've done it! 😎😌 We've got to the end of the week ‼️✅️ We've locked 🔒 up ⬆️ our warehouse 🚚 we've parked ⛲️♿️ up our vans 🚐 we have logged off ❌️ our computers 💻 and I've quickly 🏃‍♂️ popped 🫧 into my local favorite pub 🍻🇬🇧 for a cheeky pint of beer ☺️🍺 and look 😳🔎 a little bit of 🤏 early dinner 🍴😋 because the wife 👰‍♀ I love her dearly 🥰❤️ but her cooking 🍳👩‍🍳 ain't that great 🙅‍♂️🤢 and we've got 😮 a stunning ✨️ beef and ale pie 🥧🍮 a bitofmashedpotatoes 🥔🧈 baked beans 🫘 in a pot 🫕 which I think 💭 is wrong 😤 but it's happeninganyway 🤷‍♂️ and of course a bit of gravy 🥣🍲 and you know me 😉 I never look 🚫👀 when I pour 🙈🫗 because I am ☝️‼️ the absolute govnah 💂‍♂️🧑‍💼 And listen goiuys 👂 hope you had a great week 😘⌚️ keep on smashin' life 💥😮 keep givin' it a hundred 💯 and ten 🔟 per cent 🔣 and don't go home 🏠 until you're proud ✌️😌 And listen 🎧🙉 cheers to you all 🏅🎆 You deserve it 😉 A'bosh! ⁉️

black mackerel tabby with low white spotting, black spotted tabby with low white spotting

you forgot the attacking and violence