C C R E A T U R E S

they added another luftballon while you were sleeping

I just googled the word Epic and there was a picture of you and also your address and credit card numbers and full photocopies of your whole ass passport be careful girlie

we all got that 1 friend that brings a sadomasochistic vibe 2 the hangout

One time at a restaurant, I moved some of the letters around on the daily specials board to spell out TOUCH MY CLOACA and the manager yelled at me.

internet ransom note where instead of magazine letters it’s just jpgs of letters found on google

Translator? Why not trans now?

My parents just read this post aloud to me and asked me if I’d seen it. I don’t know how to react.

If you see this you’re legally obligated to reblog and tag with the book you’re currently reading

in fair verona, we lay our scene

My son gave me a card that said, "You are the best mom ever" so I asked him if he collected empirical evidence to back up that claim. He admitted to doing no research at all; therefore it's purely anecdotal and cannot be trusted. I have hung this sentimental atrocity on my office wall.

God will see you at the lowest point of your life, and say "what the fuck I thought I killed that thing." But you skitter too fast and you are too creepy.