Hopeless Procrastinator

Bonus: If I buy a book I get to keep it! The publisher can't turn up at my house at random and confiscate all the books I bought.

you know who’s gay? paul the real estate novelist who never had time for a wife and davey who’s still in the navy and probably will be for life

New headcannon: everyone in that song is gay except the Piano Man who has no idea he’s playing at a gay bar and the staff and regulars have a betting pool on how long he’ll take to finally figure it out. So far John is ahead.

“The manager gives me a smile ‘cause he knows that it’s me they’ve been coming to see” also implies that the Piano Man is possibly an incredibly attractive but oblivious himbo, and if you listen to the rest of it imagining that, this all fits a little too well.

this makes too much sense. Also, the full quote is “Now John at the bar is a friend of mine. He gets me my drinks for free. And he’s quick with a joke or to light up your smoke. But there’s someplace that he’d rather be” Yes, your bed, he wants to be on your bed honey, that’s not a joke, he is flirting with you.

Lighting another man’s cigarette is some old-school gay cruising.

You know, good on him for just rolling with it.

I think that one of the most frustrating things about algospeak, after the "compliance in advance" self-censorship, is that there is no actual evidence-based justification for it. Everyone who uses it does so because they heard from a guy who heard from a guy that The Algorithm will bury their content if they don't use cutesy euphemisms.

it's weird how its a literal superstition about algorithms, and it's significantly changing English as it's used

Do I wanna ask about the gas leak..?

love is in the air? wrong! gas leak AND weed smoke.

Please do not smoke weed right next to the gas leak it is a significant safety hazard.

don't worry! we have the gas leak in one room and the weed smoke in another. it's very secure 👍

You remembered to close the door to the gas leak room before you entered the weed room, right? Please tell me you remembered to close the door to the gas leak room before you entered the weed room

"Just because I'm right, doesn't mean I'm being helpful" is a vastly underrated thought process that I strongly encourage others to get comfortable with

Hey op thanks for fundamentally rearranging my molecules in some helpful way this fine evening

As an asexual-aromantic, I’m tired of being told I’m “heartless” because I don’t feel love the way other people do. So, this pride month I’m partnering with Organization XIII

I’m gonna propose “I guess you haven’t read the silmarillion then :/” as a default response to anyone not understanding a reference to something obscure. even if it’s not remotely Tolkien related. I want to build up a perception that perhaps the sum total of human knowledge is contained in the silmarillion

chilchuck going "sorry leave me outta this one. i cant fight" but then hitting literally every precise shot with an arrow or projectile he ever made in the story INCLUDING PIERCING A RED DRAGONS EYE BY THROWING A KNIFE WHILE LEAPING AWAY my bro is a rogue with dex 20 and wants no one to know biggest liar in history

As a fellow union man i can relate - you do not let your employer know you can do anything you don't want to become your job