snom (snake mom)

Everything about this is a masterpiece: the girl that says “wow” and the girl that says “hi” shyly and bill awkwardly lifting his hand to say hi to them I’m cracking THE FUCK UP

I’m glad these are in character, I saw them yesterday with no context and just figured he had snapped

1900 as a whole century is so wild to me like it started off without people having sliced bread and it ended with seinfeld on TV 

guy who invented the piano: what if we laid a harp on its side and added hammers

how dare you take this mediocre shitpost and make it genuinely funny

We as the human race don’t deserve dogs.

People often say they hope their deceased pet dog is chasing squirrels in doggy heaven… what did all of those squirrels do to deserve an afterlife of torment?

Dog heaven is also squirrel hell it’s a very efficient system.

i can’t stop fucking laughing at the thought of squirrels sinning so much in the mortal plane that they have to be sent to squirrel hell to atone

They know that the bird feeder isn’t meant for them

i feel like knowing the word “yonic” (the vagina equilavent of phallic) really changes a person because after that point basically any shape or objective can be classified as genital-shaped. eyes? yonic symbolism. fingers? phallic symbolism. thats all there is

poking yourself in the eye? a cunning symbol of sexual intercourse

exactly!!

2018 is the year of recovering from the past 5 years in every possible way

where’s that video of the naked crackhead literally running the speed of a moving car and I use the term literally literally he was deadass keeping up with the car

Hi! Humans don’t have an eye shine, so that’s not a person!

watch the so-called ‘tolerant left’ ignore this

#BRINGBACKCRANCH2018

wine drunk me is a genius as always

I never understood the thigh gap thing everyone has a thigh gap if youre fucking stance is wide enough 

But they’re talking about a thigh gap when your legs are together

The Fuck Who would wanna date someone who isnt in a power stance all the time