cunt force trauma

Lesbian perverts WILL save the world

"when all you have a hammer every problem starts to look like a nail" is such a stupid fucking saying. like what are you saying. every problem IS a nail. it's all nails. what the fuck do you think the hammer is for????

have you tried putting down the hammer and thinking about this again

what kind of suggestion is that? i have a hammer! i'm gonna use the hammer! its rsally effective on nails of course im gonna keep using the hammer. what a silly silly suggestion

This person has a bright career ahead of them in senior management

sometimes when my mom gets drunk she goes into Liberated Women Mode, and one time she was real tipsy and while talking about her friend’s divorce, she very earnestly told me and my sister (both adults) that regardless of preference or relationship, she hoped we would both reach a point in our lives where we were having really good sex with really good people. and my sister said, “i do that now except the good people part” and i said, “sex is real?” and my mom didn’t love either of those answers

ur mom sounds hot is she single

my mom is in fact single, and if you are so determined then it’s not my fault when you find out why

got a long list interview for a faculty job in new zealand EVERYONE START MANIFESTING RIGHT NOW

got shortlisted, great work on the manifesting everyone 👍

shortlist interview is tomorrow morning EVERYONE MANIFEST AGAIN 🔫🔫🔫🔫🔫🔫

i have had a very promising sign EVERYONE MANIFEST HARDER

GOT A VERBAL OFFER, EXCELLENT MANIFESTING EVERYONE

one of the funnier incidents of me assuming someone knew a meme irl was when a new coworker was talking about some woman who got arrested for tax fraud and I went "God forbid women do anything" and he got scared and thought I was accusing him of being sexist, so he started apologizing and saying how tax fraud isn't even bad, actually.

close your eyes and imagine freshly roasted root vegetables perfectly seasoned and crispy as far as the eye can see

Sam trying to get Frodo to take one more step

Sam psychologically tormenting Gollum

next time you’re at the thrift store and find a nice solid thick pile area rug for a shockingly good price and you’ve been looking for an area rug for the office forever and the color goes really nicely with the office color scheme and you think this is it, this is what i’ve been waiting for, stop, and ask yourself: did i take the bus here?

next time you’re on the bus and see someone with an area rug and a look of deep disappointment in themself mind your own business

imagine six thousand people read your journal every single day . thank fuck only like 10 of you max interact with me

trivial complaint i know but i hate it when you tell somebody you like an americano black or a doppio espresso and they hit you with “i like having a fun coffee” okay??? or worse when they hit you with a “black coffee was an eating disorder thing for me” because it just feels like they’re implying i make a coffee choice to maximum punishing myself. girl it’s because i’m cheap and easy to please