stupid corner

The cauliflower is draining their life energy to stay fresh

the phrase "moon's haunted" rewired my brain the moment it entered my vocabulary never in my life have i encountered a phrase more infectious or fun to use

thanks to advancements in modern science and education i know how a lot of things work and can explain if asked, but sometimes it's just more fun to apply the exact same logic to the situation as a 14th century alchemist

i used to work for a nature center and we would constantly have wild owls come and call out to the owls in their cages and try to 1.) get them to follow them or 2.) they were looking for a mate

can you take my white ass to funkytown

nope. torture city again

come on

maidens if you are going to flee dramatically from my castle in the middle of the night once i reveal my true nature to you please leave your candelabra on the little ledge by the portcullis we are running out of them

starting to think these maidens are stumbling in soaked through from the rain just to steal my beautiful gowns and homewear are any of you actually lost

At the checkout in Home Goods loading the belt with nothing but candelabras in all shapes & sizes while the cashier watches sympathetically and asks if it’s the maidens again

she took my empire of dirt in the divorce

y’all my friend decided to investigate what was blocking their drain system and you are not prepared for the answer

Idk, I have autism, most of my friends have autism, and none of us have ever done nazi shit. It's so bizarre when privileged white people with autism always have "being extremely racist" autism but no poc with autism ever seems to have that. I don't think it's your autism I think you're just a horrible racist.

coffee shop by my house hired a new barista who is extraordinarily hot and flirts with me incessantly but she also makes the worst - and i truly mean the worst - coffee i’ve ever paid for. atrociously bad. just another of god’s little jokes

just remembered the barista who worked there last year and treated me with an attitude generally reserved for children and the incompetent to the point where she would frequently adjust my drink order in front of me and every single time it was BANGIN’

#cloth barista wire barista