The cauliflower is draining their life energy to stay fresh

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@caramelstupid
The cauliflower is draining their life energy to stay fresh

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Noooo don't get a tattoo it's so permanent blah blah blah my tattoo is whatever I want it to be and today it's an octopus
Today is my mom's bday so today my tattoo is her favorite key lime pie for her.
the phrase "moon's haunted" rewired my brain the moment it entered my vocabulary never in my life have i encountered a phrase more infectious or fun to use
coworker: [after turning on the lights in the warehouse and noticing half of them are flickering or won't turn on at all] hey james what's up with the lights
me: oh idk i guess the light's haunted
coworker: what?
me, shrugging: light's haunted
[later that day]
another coworker: hey, what's up with the lights?
coworker i was with earlier: light's haunted
other coworker: what???
coworker, without changing expression or missing a beat: light's haunted
thanks to advancements in modern science and education i know how a lot of things work and can explain if asked, but sometimes it's just more fun to apply the exact same logic to the situation as a 14th century alchemist

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i used to work for a nature center and we would constantly have wild owls come and call out to the owls in their cages and try to 1.) get them to follow them or 2.) they were looking for a mate
in the spirit of this post: when you live in areas with wild horses, the number one culprit for horse theft is actually other horses, because the young stallions that get chased out of the herd wanna start their own, and oh, look, look at all those cute mares in just,,,,a fenced off grassy area,,,how easy would it be to lure them over the fence,,,like some four-legged yodeling pied piper,,,
i think about this a lot
This is so cute wtf
Social animals will see another animal amd be like: Is anyone going to befriend this? And then not wait for an answer.
Humans are, delightfully, nowhere near the only ones who do this.
Many such cases
can you take my white ass to funkytown
nope. torture city again
come on
silly
goofy
Hm. 🤔

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maidens if you are going to flee dramatically from my castle in the middle of the night once i reveal my true nature to you please leave your candelabra on the little ledge by the portcullis we are running out of them
starting to think these maidens are stumbling in soaked through from the rain just to steal my beautiful gowns and homewear are any of you actually lost
At the checkout in Home Goods loading the belt with nothing but candelabras in all shapes & sizes while the cashier watches sympathetically and asks if it’s the maidens again
she took my empire of dirt in the divorce
y’all my friend decided to investigate what was blocking their drain system and you are not prepared for the answer
i never draw for posts but something about this overtook me so sorry op
Idk, I have autism, most of my friends have autism, and none of us have ever done nazi shit. It's so bizarre when privileged white people with autism always have "being extremely racist" autism but no poc with autism ever seems to have that. I don't think it's your autism I think you're just a horrible racist.
This rollercoaster has been fun, but I wish I’d never gotten on it.

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coffee shop by my house hired a new barista who is extraordinarily hot and flirts with me incessantly but she also makes the worst - and i truly mean the worst - coffee i’ve ever paid for. atrociously bad. just another of god’s little jokes
just remembered the barista who worked there last year and treated me with an attitude generally reserved for children and the incompetent to the point where she would frequently adjust my drink order in front of me and every single time it was BANGIN’
#cloth barista wire barista