Pesaroso corazón sea, Penitente

Nighttime has finally arrived, and the majority of people have begun to prepare for tomorrow’s work. You had managed to scoop (or better said, drag) Enigma out of his office. You insisted he had to take a break, and that taking small naps throughout the day in his office was not sleeping. After much struggle, you two finally passed through the door of your bedroom.

You both had your own chambers provided by the foundation (and the Timekeeper’s suitcase), but more often than not, you'd spend most nights in either one of your private quarters. By the end of the night, there was always one vacant room left while one held the quiet murmur of two silhouettes preparing for rest.

"I haven't seen you since yesterday."

"Sorry, I didn't have time. Been restructuring some files and spent half the time organizing them for Ms. Simone. Luckily, Vertin helped me with a bit of the paperwork. The meetings, investigation files, and storm simulations took the other half. If I have to read one more research request, I am going to lose my mind."

"Our new director is working so hard, but he needs to be careful not to get burned out~" You cooed, pulling him into a hug to greet him properly. Enigma slumped straight into your arms, leaning his body down on you. Your knees buckled a bit at his weight, giving out a small ‘oof’ sound. All Adler did was snicker and straighten again.

"Hah, it's a little too late for that. I already feel smoke coming out of my brain and out my ears."

Gently, you took his hands into yours, guiding him towards the bathroom. "All the more reason to take a nice shower and then off to bed." Adler followed you with slow, sluggish steps; his eyes blinked rapidly when you flicked the light on. You apologized softly.

Wasting no time, you began undressing him. You didn’t ask him about his day because you felt he was not in the mood to recall all the stressful events he had to endure.

You first untied his ribbon, slipping it off his hair and letting it cascade down his shoulders, enticingly framing his neck. With a gentle hand, you combed the messy locks down and pried any stray strands off his face. His expression was weary, and his eyebags were even more prominent than usual. Despite the clear exhaustion, he was as handsome as ever.

Then, you took his coat, being mindful of the heavy machine attached to it and bracing yourself for its weight. No wonder his shoulder aches all the time...

His turtleneck followed, along with his belt, pants, socks, boots – "I can undress myself, you know?", he muttered but made no sign of wanting to do it himself. Clearly too tired to even bother trying to. You smiled, leaning in to press your lips beneath the side of his jaw. No need for a reply; he wasn't trying to start a discussion now. He was just filling up the silence. 

“Sorry… got too excited.” You replied softly, a bit flustered at your own eagerness to undress him. You took a deep breath, trying to calm yourself and take it slow even if all Adler was wearing at the moment was his briefs.

You stared at him, fingers lightly pinching his underwear in a silent question, waiting for his permission. Enigma gave a nonchalant shrug; eyebrows raised before nodding. Despite trying to put on an air of coolness, the blush did little to hide his bashfulness. Although it could be frustrating at times, it was a bit cute seeing how difficult Adler tried to dismiss his embarrassment or feelings. You took a step forward, eyes roaming his now naked form.

Beauty marks lay spread across his body, one coyly hiding on the right side of his forehead beneath his tussled hair.

Hypnotizing golden eyes that pierced through you with such intensity you felt you were being pulled towards them.

A handsome yet tired face with dark circles under his eyes.

Plush, kissable lips (albeit a bit dry) and a defined jaw with prickly stubble.

Strong shoulders connected to his pale neck.

A few dark hairs scattered on his pale chest.

Defined arms that can write for hours as well as throw a punch or two.

Veins adorning the back of his hands in complex lines with long, calloused fingers.

The image of a man that you loved.

The image of the man you were always worried about.

The man who, despite all his rough edges, you trusted in his ability to love you deeply.

If only he gave himself that grace...

So, you took your sweet time admiring each inch of skin that was bare before you. Trying to make him feel wanted with your touch and words. Your hands making sure to caress the milky white skin, even risking a small kiss just above his collarbone, making him jump at the contact.

Adler shrank down a little under your intense gaze, growing increasingly more self-conscious of the discrepancy between his and your state of dress and your silence.

"It's not fair that..." he cleared his throat, "that I'm completely n-...naked while you are dressed, right?" He stumbled over his words, but he tried recovering the best he could by avoiding your gaze. He didn't want to seem desperate, it seemed. You grinned a little at that and stepped back, giving him space. You spread your arms, inviting him to undress you himself. He wordlessly obliged.

Adler began to clumsily unbutton your clothes, but due to fatigue and his impatience, he would occasionally fumble and miss them. He softly cursed under his breath every time the pesky button slipped off his fingers. You steadied his hands with yours. "Take your time. Don't rush yourself..." you told him. Enigma frowned, eyebrows scrunched down. He exhaled through his nose.

"I... can't. I need to take a quick shower, and then I need to sleep because I have to wake up early again. I don’t want to rush things, but I have no idea how to-... to take it-...!"

"Adler," you interrupted gently, "there is no rush. Enjoy the moment. Please... it's late at night, and you need to rest. And before you interrupt me," Adler already had his mouth open to retort, but he closed it at your warning. His lips were pressed in a thin and tense line as he waited for you to finish, "I know it is difficult to calm down. I am guilty of overworking and overstressing too, but you need this; we both do... I need this." You muttered slowly.

The last sentence made his gaze soften. You were as exhausted as him. He could see it. And here he was making something as simple as undressing a chore while he should be indulging in seeing you bare for him. For his eyes alone. The ghost of a smile threatened his lips. He tried to prevent you from seeing how your words amused him and endeared him. You always knew how to catch him off-guard, and he allowed himself to be charmed by you.

Adler was a very cynical man, a difficult man, a man who acted like he cared so little but cared so much. Oh, how it scared him, how much he cared...

Adler closed his eyes; his shoulders and head sagged down. Your own hands slid down his wrists before releasing them. Adler started to miss their warmth immediately. His hands rose to rub his face, almost as if trying to fight the fatigue off from him but losing horribly against it. With the last bits of his willpower crumbling, he gave a deep and long sigh. He took his hands off his face before resting one of them against your cheek. His calloused thumb traced soothing back-and-forth strokes against the skin, his palm warm. You leaned into it, offering him a reassuring smile he returned, albeit more subdued.

You relished the rare occasions where Adler took the initiative to be affectionate. You knew he had the potential to be loving, but he was too reserved to jump into this all-consuming void of impulses and desires. He was a man of logic, of reason. Not someone who'd allow himself to see people or the world through rose-colored lenses. Resistant to falling victim to his whims, even if he struggled at times.

He used to be an idealist in his youth. Even a romantic. Now, that wasn't the case.

So, describing him as a passionate man would be better suited to his character. Whereas romance consisted of flowery words, constant intimate touch, and being lavished in gifts and attention, Adler’s love was much more subdued in that aspect but no less intense. Passion meant suffering; therefore, he was passionate, and he suffered for others. So that they wouldn't struggle or go through unnecessary pain, even if it was detrimental for him. So, they didn’t have to carry the unnecessary responsibility and weight of the actions taken. He knew no limits to sacrificing himself or enduring pain.

That is why you always had to serve as a stop, a line he could see he could not cross. But that delicate line was also a lifeline he could cling to.

An anchor.

His anchor.

His rock to lean on

His Ariadne's thread.

His lighthouse at the shore.

He always hugged you a little too tightly. Kept his arms wrapped around you for a little too long. Lingered around his goodbyes for a while, but he always pulled himself back. Almost as if he feared he would grow addicted and dependent on touching you. Aching to hold you close and fuse you inside his flesh, blood, and bones, to keep you safe. Fearful of taking more than he should, even if all you wished for was for him to consume you entirely in his being so the two of you could brave the storm, together.

Never apart. Never again.

"I'll try..." Adler assured you.

"Thank you," you replied, rewarding him with a tender peck on his lips.

Little was discussed afterwards. He helped you undress; your body stripped of its clothes now, adding to the discarded pile next to Adler’s garments. It was Adler's turn to admire you. His eyes slid down your figure, hungrily taking everything in. "Schön..." he mumbled, pressing a kiss on your forehead.

Adler held your hand as he guided you towards the tub, turning on the showerhead. Water poured down on your bodies, soaking you both but making sure not to get your hair wet; you'll wash his sweaty hair tomorrow. It was too late for that now.

No matter how many times you both have seen each other naked, the nervousness of being so intimately exposed in front of another person did not ease. The odd fluttering in the abdomen, clumsy limbs entering the tub while both of you gave each other sheepish smiles, unsure of where your eyes should gravitate towards

Surprisingly, Adler made the first move. He scooted closer, wrapping his arms around your waist and burying his face on your shoulder. The two of you stayed like this for a couple of minutes, the fatigue slowly being washed away and making way for a softer form of tiredness that could be felt deep in your bones. You purred contently at his touch, pressing back against him and pulling him closer. You petted his mussed hair, stroking his head soothingly. However, as nice as it was, you two still had to get clean before going to sleep.

You pointed out the personal care products he could use. Wordlessly, he grabbed the sponge, making sure to lather it in soap and carefully turned your back towards him. He pressed and guided it over your back, shoulders, and any part you would struggle to clean. It was... relaxing. The water was warm, the lavender-scented soap permeated the bathroom, and you were next to Adler. What more could you ask?

His free hand went to your nape, massaging the muscle there, kneading the soft tissue firmly. Then down to the junction between your neck and shoulders. His hands were strong, but he was gentle and careful not to apply much force. Your eyes fluttered close. It made you shiver at how good it felt, the tension melting off almost immediately.

“Is this okay?

“M-more than okay. Your hands feel heavenly!”

“Do they now?” Adler chuckled, amused.

“I need to ask you for a massage now~ Not today because you're tired and I should be the one pampering you a bit.”

“How kind of you to make me your personal masseuse.”

You offered the same treatment back, reapplying the soap on the sponge and rubbing it on Adler’s back and shoulders. As you made your way down his arm, you noticed the small scribbles and notes written on his skin; a habit he had of writing anything important down on himself.

"Can I scrub this off?"

"Hm?” Adler looked at the arm you were holding, “Oh... yeah. I already finished that task and wrote the rest down.”

You went to work, making his skin free of any ink. Satisfied, you turned to Adler to rinse the soap off his skin when an idea struck you. There was no harm in also taking a quick bath to loosen up even more, right? It had been a very stressful week after all. 

“Hey, do you want to take a bath too? Heard it’s an even better way to relax the muscles and ease any ache you might have.”

“It is also a drowning risk.” 

“Only if you fall asleep. And besides, I won’t let you drown… or we can drown together if I also fall asleep~”

“How reassuring...”

┈┈・ ✦ ・┈┈

You managed to convince Adler to let you be the one with your back pressed against the tub and have him lie down on you. You guided him to rest his back against your chest. He pulled away slightly.

"I'm heavy..." he grumbled petulantly, even if he gave little to no resistance to you grabbing his shoulders.

"And I don't mind," you retorted, before pressing his back against your chest again, and placing his head on your shoulder, "When have I ever complained?"

Your question was met with a grumble.

"You've been working hard."

"No... I've just been finishing all the work I've neglected for the past 8 years."

"That does not take away that you've been working hard, love..."

"Ha... you reward bad behavior too much."

"I only do it for you~" your voice gave a playful vibrato, "and maybe for Marcus and Flutterpage too."

"Heh, so you classify me with the kids, too? Am I that bothersome and childish to you?" A crooked smile grazed his lips. He then bumped his forehead lazily against your chin, much like a cat would butt its little head against yours in a display of affection. How cute…

"Not because of that."

“Then why?” Your fingers threaded against his hair, snapping him back from his thoughts. He gave an inquisitive hum, silently asking what was wrong. You only smiled, making sure to massage and carefully scratch his scalp just right. This earned you a delectable low groan. Adler's shoulders released some of the tension he's been holding onto, and his eyes fluttered shut. Exhaustion almost took hold of him as he sprawled in the tub. He stayed silent for a few seconds, relishing the head massage you were offering him before he pried again. "Come on, tell me…”

“Well, because you’re cute and hard-working and considerate and smart and handsome and it's super adorable how you're awkward when socializing with-…!”

“Alright! I get it, I get it.”

Adler let out an exasperated sigh, shaking his head, but you could see the crooked smirk appearing on his face. His face red at the onslaught of compliments you pitched at him so quickly.

"Hey, you were the one who asked."

"Yeah, I know. My bad. I should've evaluated you’d attack me like this."

"The great Enigma could not decipher my movements. How disappointing~ And attack?! Complimenting you is an attack?"

"An attack on my ego and image. I have a reputation to uphold, you know."

"What reputation? Of being an unapproachable mystery, Mr. Enigma?"

“Exactly that.”

“Well, you’re certainly honoring your nickname.”

Minutes passed as you soaked in the water which had turned lukewarm by now. Neither of you wanted to get out and break this delicate spell. But it was late, and your fingertips were pruning, and tomorrow would be another day of stress and paperwork and coffee that tasted like dirt.

It was you who guided Adler out of the shower now, grabbing his arm to steady him as you could see him swaying sleepily out of it. A yawn escaped him as he rubbed his eyes, the actions reaffirming his tiredness. The sweet embrace of Morpheus was calling to him, and you too were falling victim to his call. Drowsily, you two dried off with the towels and dragged your heavy feet to the closet to change into your sleepwear. Only then were you two able to make your way towards the bed.

┈┈・ ✦ ・┈┈

Taking hold of the sheets, you slowly pulled them to the side so you could have space to sink into the bed. You turned to tell Enigma to join you in bed too, but you froze when you came face to face with him.

Adler stared at you with such adoration in his eyes that you felt too flustered to look at him for too long. You lowered your eyes, focused your sight on the bed, your hands, on the wall before getting the courage to peek back up. Adler's smile was tender; the most tender smile you’ve seen him have for a long time.

"Um... let's go to sleep. It's really late. I'll pet your hair if you like."

He whispered your name and got closer. You perked up.

His hands traced the slope of your back, your waist. He took his time, tracing the curves, wanting to mold your body into his palms, imprinting it forever on his mind. You shivered. He was being much more touchy than usual, and you couldn't get enough of it. Adler then pulled you into a hug, wrapping his arms tightly around you. His warmth enveloped your being, making you feel safe. Your eyes closed, wanting to take it all in and dive headfirst into this feeling. His chest was pressed against yours, and you could feel his heart thumping hard. You were certain he could feel yours too, the rapid beating ready to burst out from all the emotions going haywire.

You hugged him tighter, face buried against his neck. It was intoxicating being embraced so lovingly by him. Getting drunk on him, on the smoky scent that lingered on his skin. Like the woods, like fresh air, like being alive. Yet, you wanted more. You wanted to be greedy. You craved everything from him; inside out, from head to toe. Please, let me be greedy, you silently prayed. Let all this love and devotion be repeated tenfold. Let fate allow you to embrace him and kiss him for as long as you two possibly can. Let him be safe and healthy and grow into the wonderful man you know he can become. Let Adler stay with you forever. You wouldn't know what you'd do if you ever lost him. No… You will not think about that. Not now, not when your mind should be occupied with rest and dreams and him. That can wait. Now, it was about you and Adler. Under the sheets, in your own microcosm.

You loved him.

You love Adler Hofmann.

With all his faults and virtues.

And you believed he loved you too.

"Adler." You didn't mean to moan his name like that. Enigma’s voice hitched; a satisfied hum followed with the whispering of your name.

“Yes?”

“Nothing, I just wanted to say your name.”

“Say it again, please?”

“Adler, ich liebe dich…”

His lips were on yours the second you finished. It left you breathless. The back of your knees hit the bed frame, and you fell onto the mattress; Adler followed. You pulled him flush against your skin, feeling his body on yours. Despite it, you felt like you were floating and only his presence was what could pull you back down to earth.

He briefly pulled away from your lips. You were about to complain when you felt his breath to your jugular. Adler leaned down, delivering open-mouthed kisses to the side of your neck, down to the union of your shoulder, to your collarbone, before making his way back to your mouth. You eagerly reciprocated every kiss delivered, only pausing to catch your breath.

"Du bist immer so lieb zu mir. Du... kümmerst dich so gut um mich. So geduldig und rücksichtsvoll. Mein Schatz, du bist zu gut zu mir. Ich... ich verdiene dich nicht. Danke... danke, dass du mich liebst." He muttered against your skin, saccharine words uttered between gasps.

You had half a mind to process everything he was saying. There was so much you wanted to tell him back, so much you wanted him to know. But words weren’t enough to express it, and you didn’t know where to start. His name was all you could repeat.

“I love you, Adler. God… I love you so much.

"I'm glad… you’re here with me."

"There is no place I'd rather be than with you."

“Ich… liebe dich auch."

┈┈・ ✦ ・┈┈

By now, you two were snuggled comfortably beneath the blankets. The room was pleasantly cool and dark, and the sheets soft. The air was serene and the room illuminated by the night light next to the nightstand. You traced your nose against Adler’s, nuzzling his dear face. Your foreheads pressed gently against each other. Breath intermingling into one, and lips inches away from a kiss. His drowsy face kept fighting off sleep despite how tired he was. His eyes were closed, relaxed; it made him look younger and more innocent. A small glimpse of the idealistic boy he used to be. It made your heart ache. He looked so sweet. You had to let him know.

"You're so pretty, you know that?"

"... you're insane."

You chuckled and leaned in. He scrunched his face when you pressed a kiss against the bridge of his nose.

"That I am... Absolutely insane for you~"

Adler grunted, slightly annoyed, but there was no malice behind his tone. He opened one eye to glare at you, which he immediately closed again.

"It's late... We have 5 hours left before the alarm goes off. Go to sleep. Now. Good night."

"Yeah, I know. Sorry. Good night. Sleep well." 

You kissed his cheek apologetically, wrapping your arms around him and letting him rest his ear against your chest. Adler melted in your arms immediately and finally allowed sleep to take him to the land of dreams. His breathing came out in soft puffs, mumbling occasionally in his sleep. You continued holding him close, caressing his hair, lost in thought.

The future was frightening and unpredictable, and the ever-changing, mysterious Storm and Flood were a constant danger no one had been able to fully grasp. Enigma hasn’t been able to fully process his sister’s passing yet, too preoccupied with finding solutions and answers to it and protecting LSCC from any external forces that dared change or hinder the routine of its inhabitants. He has been burying his grief and anxiety with even more work after years of stagnation, and you were scared he might just collapse from overexerting himself.