You're making the mistake of thinking Douglas cares

This has been a running joke for two years now. All the kids know the plastic turtle outside the school is my husband. He doesn't have a name, just Miss Cat's husband.

Today was really windy, and the turtle dude fell over. I was taking a kid out to his mom, and he saw it on the ground and went, "Oh look, your husband died."

So I said, "Oh darn. Looks like I'm single again."

And without skipping a beat, he goes, "I'll be your husband."

Mom is standing there trying not to laugh as I got down on my knees, took the kid's hands in mine, and said, "Thanks for the offer, bud, but no thank you. We'll just pick that guy up so he can start being my husband again."

'Caves, they say! Caves! Holes to fly to in time of war, to store fodder in! My good Legolas, do you know that the caverns of Helm’s Deep are vast and beautiful? [...] Immeasurable halls, filled with an everlasting music of water that tinkles into pools, as fair as Kheled-zâram in the starlight. And, Legolas, when the torches are kindled and men walk on the sandy floors under the echoing domes, ah! then, Legolas, gems and crystals and veins of precious ore glint in the polished walls; and the light glows through folded marbles, shell-like, translucent as the living hands of Queen Galadriel. There are columns of white and saffron and dawn-rose, Legolas, fluted and twisted into dreamlike forms; they spring up from many-coloured floors to meet the glistening pendants of the roof: wings, ropes, curtains fine as frozen clouds; spears, banners, pinnacles of suspended palaces! Still lakes mirror them: a glimmering world looks up from dark pools covered with clear glass; cities, such as the mind of Durin could scarce have imagined in his sleep, stretch on through avenues and pillared courts, on into the dark recesses where no light can come. And plink! a silver drop falls, and the round wrinkles in the glass make all the towers bend and waver like weeds and corals in a grotto of the sea. Then evening comes: they fade and twinkle out; the torches pass on into another chamber and another dream.'

Made the mistake of sharing the form link on twitter (never doing that again) so I'm just remaking my commission post and updating the links. PLUS I found out Patreon actually hasn't rolled me over to their Apple App Store subscription model (and they just won a ruling delaying/cancelling this further?) so my commission tiers can stay open through the month!

Patreon slots are limited, but subscribers to the Familiar and Elder God tiers get 25% off commissions (and an additional 5% when you subscribe yearly for all tiers). You also have options to upgrade (paying the remaining balance via paypal invoice) or bank credits month-to-month. There's no long term obligations- if there's a slot open and you want to grab the discount, you're welcome to subscribe just for the one month, or use it as a short-term payment plan for more complex commissions.

Additionally, I am offering up to 10% off to anyone who provides reciepts to charitable donations to humanitarian, environmental, and mutual aid dated within the last two weeks of your form submission.

CLICK >> HERE << FOR MY COMMISSION FORM

CLICK >> HERE << FOR MY PATREON

SEE PAST COMMISSION WORK HERE

my brain:

If you're substituting dried herbs for fresh in a recipe the ratio is approximately 1 teaspoon of dried per tablespoon of fresh. It is not a 1 to 1 substitution.

✨ Commissions are open! ✨

Finally set up my VGen and opened commissions for simple skeb-style portraits to get the hang of the website and get verified.