Captain Lostkid

tumblr, which is held together with duct tape and madness, run by three raccoons in blood stained Yahoo! hats and a handful of crabs, its only discernible source of income the sale of shoelaces from an inside joke so inside no one knows the original source anymore and fake blue checkmarks... that website still lives on

okay so. basically this dude named max was in my anatomy class and we sat next to each other for the whole year so we had No Choice but to vibe

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so he’s a Large football jock and i’m smol. we were both seniors tho and there were only three seniors in that class so we bonded over that. so he looks,, really scary tbh. like. ya know. the Exact type of person who would bully you and call you slurs. so i was like “oh god oh god oh god” every class bc i was like “this is it, this is the day i Die by his hand”

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the first time we really vibed was when i came from culinary one friday bc i had culinary right before anatomy. and i had Cookies. a lot of them. and i had them in a little brown paper bag sitting right in the corner of my desk just bc like why not. cue max rolling up to class, throwing his stuff down and coming up Right Next To Me and Intensely eyeing the bag before going “hey jc, whatcha got there”. and i went “…cookies from my culinary class” and he just “👀👀” so i go “do you,, do you want one?”.  g r a b s  the bag while yelling “HELL YEAH” and really excitedly just eats a cookie and i just go “you can,, you can just take the bag if you want”. he obviously took the bag. we were Bros from that day on

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i was Notorious for being the Class Nerd bc i loved anatomy and i had over 100% in the class. he was Not as into anatomy and just wanted to vibe and i feel that bc i had a class like that too, so i just gave him my notes and warm up answers to copy bc i’m Like That. we had like,, a system in place, so he would tell jokes or just say random shit and i’d kinda laugh and vibe while taking notes

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one time i was kinda tired and staring off into space and he rolled up to class and goes “jcccc why are you saaaad :((” and i was like “i,, i’m not???” and he was like super confident that i was Going Through It and was like “you can’t lie to me, i already saw that sad face” i’m like “you mean my Normal Face???”. but so while i was taking notes that day, he leaned over and drew a lil happy face on my packet, so i looked over and smiled at him. aND NOT EVEN A MINUTE LATER, he leans back over and turns it into a dick. and i go “b r o  i gotta turn this shit in i’m gonna get in trouble?????” and he Panicked on my behalf, Stood Up in his seat,  Y E L L S  to the teacher “SIR, I DREW A  M A L E  G E N I T A L I A  ON JC’S NOTES, IT’S NOT HER FAULT”. teacher just Looks over at us, blinks, goes back to his lecture. my face is Red, max turns to me,  w i n k s, and goes “i gochu”

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so my group Abandoned Me one day for a lab bc neither of them were there and i rolled up to the teacher like “k i’ll be Stabbing A Brain alone today” and my teacher’s like “but??? you need to Poke A Brain With A Group” and i go “but i have None Friends and my group mates aren’t here”. so max heard this whole interaction go down and is like “jc i Cannot Believe, you’re gonna group with us”. drags me over to some other people who sit near us that i anxiously vibe with, who had apparently been struggling to stab the labels into the brain for like seven minutes before i rolled up. max goes “okay guys jc’s in our group”. everyone’s hype. i labeled it, filled out the sheet, let everyone copy it, and all of us vibed for like half an hour

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he was struggling to label to bones in the body for our warm up. two minutes in he goes “damn i know like,, four of these. jc how many do you know”, looks over at my worksheet, his eyes pop out of his damn skull. “JC ARE YOU FUCKIN SERIOUS”. holds up my worksheet that’s completely filled out, points aggressively at it while looking at our teacher, “ARE YOU SEEIN THIS SHIT???”

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straight up asked if i was a mom one time bc he said i give off “mom vibes”. his response to me not wanting kids was “really??? i want like six”. appreciated me saying “oh, well i want a career” a little too much bc he couldn’t stop laughing

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a regular occurrence was me finishing a worksheet really fast and standing to turn it in, then max going “sit your ass back down, i needa see that” followed by “bro i appreciate you actually letting me copy your shit but Please write neater”. his handwriting was worse than mine and he could read my writing but he likes to Complain

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another Regular Occurrence was me finishing a test in about five minutes followed by him yelling “JC ARE YOU  F U C K I N G  KIDDING ME”

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i’d bring food from culinary a lot and he’d just go “👀” and i would just give it to him and he’d be so excited and go “jc you’re the best” while proceeding to shove a cupcake down his face or whatever else it was i brought while  M O A N I N G

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he asked me one time why i’m so nervous around him, and he was probably expecting me to say some shit like “oh nooo i’m not i’m just Shy tm” but i Instantly responded with “bc you look like you’re gonna call me a slur in the 7/11″ and he was so genuinely upset and he goes “noooo jc D: i’m not a baseball boy” and i Died

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some dude smacked him on the back of his head and he goes “OW MY-” looks at me, “hey jc, what’s the back of the head called again?” and i go “the occipital” and he’s like “great, thanks”, turns around again to the other dude, “MY  O C C I P I T A L”

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“jc have you ever been depressed” “max i have depression” “sick, you should listen to this band”

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he slowly tried to put something on my desk and i was still adjusting to “okay not everyone is gonna hit me” and thought he was trying to do like a fistbump or something. and he goes “oh no i wasn’t-” and i’m like “oKaY yEaH iT’S fiNe”, he puts whatever lil eraser on my desk then goes “NO NO, GIVE ME SOME JC” and fistbumped me but it still Haunts Me bc he Was Not Trying To Do That

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“i’m gonna go as a cop for halloween” “…okay max” “all i have to do is wear a wifebeater shirt” “i-” “because. because ya know. cops beat their wives”

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asked what kind of music i listen to once, and i went “uh,, it depends” he goes “what are you listening to now??” aND I HAD TO GO “um,, bruises and bitemarks” and he screeched bc whatever he was expecting from the shy quiet girl who sits next to him, it was Not That

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so i wasn’t sure how to like,, come out but i have a bunch of gay pins on my backpack so i didn’t know if he knew or not. but then one time he just starts asking the people around him if they would kiss/date someone of the same gender. so i go “i mean,, yeah” and he goes “wait really” and i was Scared tm bc oh god here it comes. i go “yeah” he goes “full gay or like bi” and i was like “full,, full gay. i’m a lesbian” and he’s like “BROOOO THAT’S SICK :D” and he was so genuinely excited that i like girls

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ever since he found out that i’m a lesbian, he would move his desk reeeeaaally close to mine to show me pictures of girls and be like “hey hey what do you think of her”, trying to invite me to parties so he could set me up with someone, attempting to be my wingman

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he constantly shoved one of his earbuds into my ear so i could bop to his music with him. set his phone on my desk a few times so i could choose something and i go “oh no, i have garbage taste in music” and he goes “well i don’t, that’s why you’re choosing from my playlist” and i just Sat there like “wow okay but also that’s valid”. he shockingly had a few songs on there that i listen to, so we vibed to those. he listened to my playlists a couple times and he’d be like “most of these are either depressing, horny, or gay, and that sums you up pretty well” and i was Offended but he’s right

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“hey jc, what’s the bone that sounds like my name” “…maxilla???” “fuck yeah, there’s a bone named after me”

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asked me if i ever had a girlfriend before and i was like “n o  :((((” and he’s like “on god bro, you gonna get you some pussy”

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every time he’d see me out of class, he point at me and wave really aggressively and be like “HI JC :D” and i’d kinda wave back really shyly while watching him tell whoever he was with that we were bros. after a couple times, i asked him next class why he waved at me and he’s like “why wouldn’t i??” and i go “um. bc you’re pretty popular and well liked and nobody knows i exist and i’m pretty uncool????” and he deadass is like “J C  NOO YOU’RE REALLY COOL WYM PEOPLE LIKE YOU” and that’s how i found out that people actually knew me bc a bunch of the football guys i talked to in anatomy would point me out when they saw me bc they liked vibing with me so that was A Time. made sense why random people would like,, nod at me while walking by

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The goth sighs, points across the road and says, “Witch is over there. He doesn’t do love potions because consent but he might be able to make you prettier, although 90% of the time it turns out the spell didn’t do anything but make you more confident.”

The maiden blushes and sheepishly explains that she knows he’s the witch, she just talked to him and he sent her over here.