The Captain

reblog if you too are bi and confused or support others’ right to be bi and confused

wow this pizza is great it's so good it's unreal *remembers the unreal engine is dogshit* I mean uh it's Source how good this pizza is

I still won't forget when my wisdom tooth got infected and couldn't sleep bc the pain was so bad and I took like 4 of those those blue gel ibuprofens and I finally fell asleep for a couple hours and kept having dreams about beautiful glowing blue animals that help you and I kept waking up thinking the blue animals will help me and realizing wait what are blue animals they aren't real and immediately falling back asleep thinking about the blue animals again

Being a henchman suuuucks dude. This latest guy I'm working for, the War-Madillo, he's got a, an Armadillo- motif, or theme, or whatever, right? That's fine, fine, I did a two-month stint with a Marmoset-themed guy once, it's not bottom of the barrel- except. Except. It turns out, he picked the Armadillo thing because he thinks that they're obligate carnivores. Which they kind of are, I mean I googled this, they're insectivores, but he thinks that they're like, land piranhas. He thinks they work in packs to take down significantly larger animals. He thinks they lay eggs in the remains of their prey. He's killed like three guys for trying to correct him. Me and the other guys are paying out of pocket to get the poor little guys in his Armadillo pit food that they can actually eat. Every time he drops some sucker into that thing we all have to draw straws to see who's gonna have to go in and gnaw on the body so he thinks the Armadillos are doing it. Thank god it's such a long drop

382752488261 unique posts remain

listen, man, I don't appreciate this kind of pressure. I'm posting as often as I can. I spent this morning shoving store-bought eggs down a dead guy's throat. Some of us have jobs, man

call me a wish mouse the way she [remembers wish mice are creatures from a particularly gruesome dream my friend had several years ago and are not recognizable figures to anyone else] whatever

.jpg or "Japanese Playable Game" file format.

it must feel good as hell when you’re a horse and you take a big bite out of an apple like ttshoke

your command over onomatopoeia is unmatched bestie

Fuck it, post lamb stew slow cooker recipe

stitch incoming

bringing a sort of "slavery is still alive and well in US prisons" vibe to the office Juneteenth post that my higher ups don't really like

From what I understand slavery was never actually abolished in the us. It is still legal and all.

the amendment that "ended" slavery specifically left permission for slave labor as punishment for convinced criminals and our inmates have been legally exploited ever since, yes

Can You Beat Dark Souls with Every Stat at Level 99 and No Restrictions?

It's just not possible.

what if it was called magic the slathering and it was about lotions and ointments