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the g spot is inside the stab wound

i don’t need a “day off” or a “weekend” i need to respawn in a clean apartment with all my responsibilities reset and the complete certainty that nobody hates me

War and hate on the planet earth

the heart shaped locket with a portrait of my nemesis inside stays ON during sex

I want to know how people think habitat 67 is more fuckable??

Personality, obviously.

Some people prefer aesthetics of yonic structures over phallic structures

I’ve never seen a penis shaped like that before

but youve seen a pussy shaped like habitat 67?

You don’t know my life

aren't gorillas gentle giants or something. i stay out of his way, he doesn't maul me, we have a nice time picking out clothes together in opposite sides of the mall

Male gorillas are super aggressive and territorial. Also they interpret nearly every human mannerism as a sign of aggression or a challenge. Smiling and eye contact are both things that zookeepers have to be taught to suppress when they’re in the vicinity of gorillas.

This is all irrelevant because the obvious answer is five black mambas. I mean, that’s not actually very many snakes, and malls are fucking huge. And unlike a gorilla you can definitely outrun a snake if it does show up. Find an open space in the mall where you can see any snake coming and just hangout out there. Fucking easy.

They should substitute "chimpanzee" for "gorilla" in this hypothetical.

if it was a chimp i'm taking the fucking snakes

Black mambas have a reputation build on being very venomous and very fast. I'm not sure why you would think you could outrun one (or five) in an enclosed space like a mall.

Malls usually have pretty slick floors, and escalators. I’d choose the gorilla simply because I think that would make an more interesting story (and a better-selling autobiography, I Survived the Mall Gorilla) but I think I’d stand a pretty good chance at avoiding the mamba. They’re fast and aggressive and will chase you but unless we started immediately beside each other I think my sneakers would have the terrain advantage over scutes.

fucking enamored with the implication that this gorilla is fully intelligent but is trying to manufacture plausible deniability like the movie barnyard

My only real and valid writing tip is that you google every word you make up for your fantasy stories. That's It

there won't be any results though because you just made it up

One time I made up a name for a character and after googling it discovered it was a Zimbabwean slur

So many of the pop girls want to be Lana del rey so badly but they can never quite copy her vibes because they do not have the amount of internalised misogyny that lana has which is required to write like an aging divorced white man who's poetry is mainly about his divorced bitch wife written from the perspective of the wife