I Have No Idea What I'm Doing

and maybe the metros give him shit for it at first, especially when they see those pics on the internet, but shane’s like it was suggested to me by the team physician and it’s relaxing and relieves stress so i really don’t care.

obviously he needs to be Great at it, but he also realizes he really likes it, and soon he’s knitting and crocheting whenever he has some free time and he’s making more items than he can wear.

and then he starts selling them online under a pseudonym because he wants to know what people think about them; that is, until he tells yuna about his secret website and she’s like i hope you’re kidding do you know how much those True Hollander Knits could be worth and how many brands would want a collab?! and shane hid his identity because he wanted people to buy his clothes for what they were, not because they were made by the Shane Hollander, but he thinks it would be nice to own what he makes too and to let people know he has other talents and skills besides hockey. so he starts selling them under his own name and he’s so happy every time someone leaves him a five-star rating and compliments him. he’s also giving handmade beanies and accessories to friends and family and he’s making onesies and scarves for hayden’s kids just because he really loves making them.

then one evening over dinner yuna tells him and david how someone named John America has just placed their biggest order yet, having bought virtually everything on shane’s website, so yuna and her assistant (because she had to hire one in the meantime), will have to ship it the next day to the buyer’s address in boston.

shane always checks the comments people leave with their purchases, and the latest one he gets, a few days later, reads: “very good clothes, i like them a lot. maybe hollander should follow his true real passion and retire from hockey since ilya rozanov from the boston raiders is clearly superior player anyway. great seller and customer service also 10/10 i recommend everyone buys everything immediately. you will receive a card signed by him in person in case you should want to get tattoo from it somewhere secret on your body but that is neither here nor there and definitely not something i plan to do.” the comment kind of irks shane in a Very Specific way but maybe john america from boston is simply a raiders’ fan (and also some kind of sick pervert apparently, but shane doesn’t really mind those.)

fast forward to the cottage, it’s their first day there and ilya is getting a few things out of his bag when shane sees a cardigan that looks very familiar. he asks ilya where he got it and ilya is like, is just something i ordered online don’t worry about it. but shane picks it up and he’s like, oh my god you bought something i’ve made (!!) and you didn’t tell me?? what (!!) and ilya’s all embarrassed and he’s like, i bought like two thousand things you’ve made yes. they are so very unstylish is hell for me. and shane is like omg i can’t believe this (and he’s happier than ever) and ilya’s like, “well if you had given them to me as gift i would have saved money but i have made you rich instead. i cannot believe you have given hayden a sweater when that guy does not even deserve clothes.” (and ilya doesn’t tell shane just how jealous he was whenever he looked at pictures of hayden just walking around in montreal wearing clothes shane had made because hayden could.)

and the thing is, shane has actually wanted to make something just for ilya for a very long time, but he wouldn’t have known how to justify it because it would have been too intimate (even though he has literally given his creations to every one of his friends and acquaintances at some point), but they’re at the cottage now and they’re happy and they’re opening up about their feelings so shane can definitely do that now, so he goes, “tell me what ‘stylish’ clothes you want and i’ll make them for you.” and ilya asks for a sweater with the words NHL BEST PLAYER on it, and shane goes, “sorry, i don’t crochet lies.” they argue about it for a while until the whole thing turns into sex.

He becomes a consultant who shitty teams trying to not suck, good teams who want to last further into the playoffs, great teams who want to finally win the cup, call to Fix Them.

He is paid absolutely bonkers amounts of money to watch a team play for five minutes and immediately diagnose what’s wrong with them. He is always right.

Ok 5 minutes is probably an exaggeration. The coaches send him a bunch of tape to review in advance. They probably focus on their best players or the ones they think need the most improvement, but half the time Shane requests more, focusing on players they hadn’t paid much attention to before. Then one day at practice, the players look up into the stands and are filled with awe, terror, and wonder, because Shane Hollander is sitting there staring directly at them with a scarily thoughtful look on his face.

He meets with the coaches and gm and reports his conclusions. Who to trade and for who , how to get better results from certain players, how to run power plays and penalty kills, changes in line makeups.

Some lucky players get to meet with him. He takes about five minutes to list off or demonstrate everything they need to do to stop sucking. He has no time for chit chat or hero worship. Focus, listen, learn, and do exactly what he says and you will be good. Fail to do what he says and you will shame your entire bloodline.

I think David started noticing Yuna when she routinely started showing up to McGill's hockey practices - and of course he noticed her, she was the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen. And I'm certain he showed off a lil every time he spotted her, doing showy trick shots that weren't actually practical during a real game but looked cool during practice. Eventually he worked up the nerve to skate over and talk to her in the stands, trying for nonchalant like "sOoo you like hockey? What do you think of my skating?" And then Yuna proceeded to make shredded wheat out of David's play style, I mean truly crushingly specific critiques. The guys on David's team who overheard Yunas monologue were wincing in sympathy on the sidelines, but their pity was unnecessary: from then on, David was down BAAAD. Little hearts were circling around his head at all times. David's college team would pantomime whipping noises every time he'd skate over to her in the stands but he didn't care cause he was in LOoOve~💕✨💕✨💕✨

shane, immediately: