I'm Cute But You're Cuter

Coffee baristas can technically put ‘fluent in Java’ on their resume.

do u guys understand how creepy the pledge of allegiance is though like every day when ur a kid everybody just chants how great america is every morning it’s creepy

You do that every morning???

EVERY MORNING.

no son

Wait, other countries don’t do this.

*whispers* Not even Russia

RE FUCKING TWEET

hey not to be absolutely fucking morbid on main or anything but if we do reach a point where the rich try to escape extinction by fleeing earth to live on their secret mars colony or whatever my dying moments will be taking solace in the fact that a society comprised solely of the 1% of the richest people on the planet will tear itself apart in under a year

can’t wait for Fyre Fest 2 on mars

not to be overly optimistic on main but without the 1% we might stand a chance 

I love saying “of course” instead of “you’re welcome,” like of course I’m helping you that’s what I do, you were foolish to even consider an alternate dimension in which I’m not helping you. you idiot. you absolute buffoon.

the most important thing to me ever is bi kids knowing that it’s ok to be 10% attracted to women and 90% attracted to men or 10% attracted to men and 90% attracted to women and still feeling ok to identify as bi, and still feeling like their identity is valid, and still feeling like they can lead fulfilling lives with both (or other) genders. like that’s just so fricking important.

I’m a bi adult and you know what? I needed this. Thank you.

it’s also important to remember that it can be a fluid % like sometimes it’ll be 50/50 some times 10/90 and then drift into a 45/65 or even 2/98 and it’s still okay. It’s just where you are at that time in your life. 

That shift is called the bicycle

i needed all of this, including the pun

Tristeza

Wow. I had no idea other countries didn’t surround their borders as we do.

There’s a border somewhere in Holland I forgot which other country but it like runs through the outside seating area of a cafe or something

mood

I totally feel Joanne on this

at some point someone’s gonna kiss you on the forehead which is just fucking stellar so stay alive for that