εїз ✿ ｡◕‿◕ ｡✿ εїз

laptop overheating?? pour water on it to cool it down!

i trusted you

Do not trust people like me. I will take you to museums, and parks, and monuments, and kiss you in every beautiful place, so that you can never go back to them without tasting me like blood in your mouth. I will destroy you in the most beautiful way possible. And when I leave you will finally understand, why storms are named after people

THE ORIGINAL?!?!?!?!?!

You know how some people talk about timeless themes in literature and you kind of low-key think they're full of shit? Sometimes they're not.

i went into the tattoo parlor and i was like ‘i scheduled a piercing’ and they were like ‘piercing’s are upstairs’ so i went up the stairs and there was a barber shop and i said i’d scheduled a piercing and they said ‘upstairs’ so i went up the stairs and there was a second tattoo shop and it was rly classic trad with two cartoon buff guys and they didn’t even let me talk, they said, ‘upstairs’ before i asked and then i went to the fourth floor and it was one single room the size of a closet with the piercer and the apprentice in the doorway like 👫🙂🙂

going to get my blood tested and dr acula and nurse feratu walk in. hope everything is ok

Happy bush shoeing anniversary :-) ❤️🎉

I have had this queued since December 15th.

Easily the most annoying kind of vampire in the world are the ones where you finally corner the fuckers and when you're going in with the stake they start spouting off sociology 101 bullshit to try and weasel out of it. "Oh, no ethical consumption under capitalism," "oh, the rich are the real vampires if you think about it-" yeah, yeah, you ate like fifty homeless people, asshole. Hold still

Okay but if you aren't a vegetarian your case against vampires is actually pretty weak.

I SAID HOLD STILL

*becomes a knight strictly because the local bard is cute, and I want him to write songs about me*

*becomes a bard strictly because the local knight is cute and I want to write songs about him*

*becomes the village idiot because of a chemical deposit in the well behind my house*

*becomes the evil wizard because the local strong knight is cute and I want to get beaten by them.*

*dumps my evil chemicals in the well behind some random dude’s house*

this is hilarious but also im gonna cry like this teenage gamer died and they buried her with her high score. no one took back the pot or divided it up because no one would play against her again. her family and friends buried her with her wins. im crying