Burst The Bubbles

“Hollander! You cannot do that!”

“It is for sipping only!”

“Get your cheap Canadian bubbles away from that! You cannot even buy it in North America!”

“Do I hear ice in there?!”

“In a red solo cup like you are a frat boy!”

“You don’t even like it!”

After a while of talking about how Anya acts the trainer says there’s nothing to worry about, Anya likes Shane just fine, it’s just that she sees him as the boss and is acting accordingly

And Ilya is like. But. I’m the one who adopted her? And raised her before Shane got here?? And the trainer is just like yeah well she sees you more like an equal. And Ilya is like WAIT she thinks Shane is in charge of both of us?? And the trainer is just like well do you interact in a way that would make her think that?

Ilya’s life flashes before his eyes as he thinks of all the times Shane has come over with a snack for Ilya and a treat for Anya, or all the times Shane has announced they’re all going for an after dinner walk, or pets Ilya’s hair and tells him he did a good job at practice, or the fact that he uses the same warning tone with Anya when she misbehaves as he does with Ilya when he’s causing problems on purpose

*shane* loves being praised and told how good he is, so he decides to flip it around and try it on ilya because that always goes so well with stuff like techniques in bed

but ilya gets hit with "fuck, you're so good to me" and 0.0 and before he can even START to recover from that, shane (who is still in the zone, eyes closed, just fully Lost In It) doubles back with a "god, you take such good care of me"

and ilya fully almost blacks out

which also leads to the very funny moment of the twins bringing their "captive" to king shane for judgement of his crimes and shane not even lowering his sunglasses and going "off with his head"

ilya is just D:< you will not even TRY to argue clemency?? for your HUSBAND???

"sir ruby, what are his crimes?"

"smashing the village and eating ALL the villagers >:D"

shane forgets because he's running late for a meeting one day and has to rush out of the door, and he then arrives at the studio for the photoshoot he has booked to see a text from ilya with three different headstone styles with "one of these, i think"

and is just "for?? what??"

"when i am dead from broken heart because my husband does not love me anymore and does not kiss me before i will not see him for twenty years"

"ilya, i will be home in like four hours"

like they're all used to calling out a warning before something loud ("blender!") just as a heads up because yes of course you would warn everyone around you about incoming loud noise

which means one day ilya is helping clean up a potted plant that got knocked over but turns on the vacuum without a warning, making yuna and shane look at him like he just betrayed them

blood rushes to ilya's dick so fast he almost blacks out. baby. he pulls away. shane whines again, pulls again, begs again, "nononono don't stop, baby, please--"

"say it again," he croaks. he'd meant it to come out stronger than that, but he's fighting shane's hold and flailing for the lube and trying to slick himself all at once while his brain goes baby baby baby he called me baby i'm his baby.

"please."

"not that. what did you call me? call me that again."

he lines himself up while shane tries to collect himself. finally recognition lights his eyes. he sniffles. "...baby?"

ilya sinks into him with a groan. shane's tighter than they usually like, but he keeps pressing forward anyway, through the stretch, through the heat, through their combined cries of pleasure, and he fucks shane until neither of them can speak.

after that, shane quickly learns calling ilya "baby" is the quickest way to make his brain stop working. ilya gets him a ginger ale from his parents' fridge, shane says "thank you baby" and ilya walks into the wall. they're coming off the ice after practice, shane says "hey babe don't forget--" and ilya trips over his own skates and almost causes a ten-Centaur pileup. shane says "babe will you--" and ilya stands up so fast he bangs his knee on the table.

but he never gets embarrassed no matter how ridiculous he looks, and he never chirps back no matter how relentlessly he's mocked. if anything, he leans into it all, puffing out his chest and playing up his reactions until shane's belly laughing with delight.

and shane doesn't really think that there will be a follow up to this, right, so he doesn't dwell on it. but then ilya gives him his room number at the asg, and THEN they swap phone numbers and plan their first hookup and shane—shane now has a goal. because he needs to be good at everything, including sucking dick.

so he starts training himself out of his gag reflex, at first with his fingers, then (and he will take this to his grave) with phallic shaped fruits and vegetables, and eventually he gets a dildo that he thinks is about ilya’s size.

and by the time he gives ilya his next blowjob, he's defeated his gag reflex and lets his cock slip into his throat, and oh, THAT is a heady sensation that he'll have to do again and again and again.