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assigned baby at birth

all babies are bastards

My default setting is assuming people don’t want to talk to me

“you’re so polite!” thanks, I am afraid of you.

No thanks, I’ll just go find one of the girls that actually enjoy taking care of themselves.

how is it that of all people a fucking furry is disgusted by hair

*hits the bong* ya know……i used to be a smart kid . i was so f ucking smart man. i can’t even read anymore dude

I love my dog and I love having a dog and I’m never loving dog-free again. HOWEVER, only cat owners experience the pure, altruistic love for a total asshole. The radiant joy of a cat person telling you about the disgusting demon cat that they clearly love is how God feels about us.

The last sentence is a winner.

don’t!!! fake!!!! your!!!! interests!!!! to!!!! make!!!! someone!!!! like!!!!! you!!!!

don’t!!! bury!!!! your!!!! interests!!! to!!!!! make!!!! someone!!!! like!!!!! you!!!!

who else is in the “didn’t realize sheep have long tails until i was like 20″ club

i wanna talk about the fact that jenna marbles says she never used to scream laugh before she met her man julien. that is the single most romantic thing i’ve ever heard of oh my god? imagine living your life for a good two and a half decades and every time something funny happened you laughed like you always had and then one day you meet this person you like and they make you have this one laugh where you scream from happiness. imagine that kind of life you get to have with your person where they unlocked an entire new level of laughing for you. that’s what real hashtag goals are.