Ken was created from Barbie’s rib

some days are really hard and it can be difficult to understand why. but usually its probably because my blood is haunted

the thing about phone in bed is that it's so awesome. almost makes you feel like betraying & destroying yourself for nothing isn't all so bad

“scientists don’t want you know” is a phrase that always cracks me up because if you actually meet a scientist they will be shaking and crying like an overstimulated chihuahua with the need to let you know

A truthberry might make you tell the truth... But a lieberry? A lieberry will loan you books

your mom jokes don't work when you know someone too well. I would never be in bed with such a wicked woman. That's not even what I had your mom saying last night. I wouldn't speak to her.

just felt you with my feelers. Not interested. DO NOT LAY EGGS IN OR NEAR ME.

*polishes my sword*

DO NOT JERK OFF NEAR MY NEST.