*shows up to ur fandom 5 years late with fanart*

"Errrrrm, it's actually super progressive for the time and is totally valid to some transfem identities. You really need to grow a spine and get more educated. And besides, it's not even a trans woman. It's more an allusion to the cultural concept of [slur][slur][slur] so it can't really be considered transphobic"

TMEs when there's a genuinely grounded, empathetic and universally loved transfem character:

tmes: *treating the transfem character exactly as transmisogynistically as they treat real trans women*

This ALSO ties into white trans men and nonbinary emulating east asian men because they perceive east asian maleness as a "more feminine" version of masculinity and therefore "more achievable/idealized."

i have my own gripes with this in regards to how other white trans men fetishize east asian men and how they might write erotic RPF or fanart, which in a vacuum might be whatever, but there's this undercurrent of "being east asian (or appearing east asian) is an automatic pass for me to fetishize you and make objectifying comments about you" which i personally have experienced firsthand and. aaauuuughghhhh i wish ppl would be more Aware of how their tastes in RPF or whatever (fantasies about celebrities who might never see it) affects how they interact with REAL PEOPLE they might actually talk to FACE-TO-FACE??? especially when it's rooted in racism like this

So my actual TEXTBOOK admitted that it was biased and teaching these disorders based on opinion and not up to date research. And, as described above, the section on ODD was basically just, “these are bad kids. We will not look into why or how or what comorbidities exist and we will also not be exploring the possibility of ODD really being a manifestation of trauma/undiagnosed adhd/autism/pathological demand avoidance/persistent drive for autonomy. We will however be mostly focusing on how annoying these kids are to their parents and teachers ✨️”

It’s fucking crazy. “Yeah we know lots of people with autism struggle to follow demands. They may either ignore/not register demands or have meltdowns when demands are placed. They may engage in physical aggression, verbal aggression, and property desctruction when directed to complete tasks or be exposed to uncomfortable sensory input. They may need to know the why behind demands and consequently argue with authority figures. They may be easily upset by sensory input or social interactions and have emotional outbursts when pushed beyond their limits. Some children with autism seek attention and may engage in maladaptive behaviors to elicit the attention of peers and caregivers if positive attention is not given freely/if they are ignored when behaving appropriately. All of these are symptoms of their underlying neurological differences and should be met with compassion and understanding. They are not bad children. Their brains process information differently and therefore they have executive functioning, sensory processing, and emotional regulation challenges that cause these behaviors.

How would you even measure that?

Things adults wrongly identify as arguing:

Asking for clarification

Asking any kind of question

defending yourself

answering a question teh adult has just asked you

breathing

Existing

Oh, also:

Race and the Mental Representation of Individuals Diagnosed with Oppositional Defiant Disorder: Implications for Diagnosis

Pathologizes problems with authority to dismiss them as irrational.

As a trans woman who's an advocate, I've heard all kinds of shit from "Exorsexist" to "Straight up regular transphobia". Do you think there's a reason in particular this theory makes people so angry?

I'd love to hear your thoughts

(I am certain this anon is writing about THIS ADDITION I made to @mousidy's original post)

OK anon, I'm going to respond as though this is in good faith for everyone reading over your shoulder in this public forum.

Here's my question - what are you doing with "being upset" at a few individual trans women on the internet? (As I tell my 3yo, feeling something is always fine, but how you act on it may not be) Are you feeling peeved in your own home and then going about your life? Are you making lists of "bad" trans women and their "bad" tumblr followers that they've "misled" with transfeminism and leading efforts to run people off the website because they wrote a few posts you disliked? Or sending people anonymous nastygrams to feel tall for a few minutes?

Any individual person has the capacity to be transphobic to any individual other person, so sure, you can be hurt by someone's vent post. A trans woman could be nasty to you individually, and everyone has a capacity for harm. But you have to understand! You have to make the cognitive and empathetic leap to realize that some of the pain that trans women express talking about trans men is because THEY EXPECTED BETTER OF US BECAUSE WE ARE ALSO TRANS, AND THEY HAD TERRIBLE ENCOUNTERS WITH SOMEONE THAT MADE THEM DOUBT WE WERE ON THE SAME TEAM. It's not "trans men bad," it's "what the fuck, we expected better of you." Rather than a personal attack on you, I invite you to think of it as a reason to try harder. That's why I wrote I was most devastated when my bi cousin rejected me - I had counted on her knowing better. Trans women are also counting on us knowing better.

While we're listing things that aren't transphobic, here are some more:

It is not transphobic to speak out about how trans women suffer most in almost every area of public life.

It is not transphobic to seek to prioritize aid to those members of our community that are most vulnerable, and that means black trans women specifically.

It is not transphobic to inquire if a trans space has trans women on the board or in any leadership positions, and it is not transphobic to conclude that a space that ONLY caters to/is reflective of trans men needs to reevaluate its priorities.

It is not transphobic for trans women to prioritize friendships and relationships with each other, and women across the board do not owe us anything.

It is not transphobic for trans women to develop a framework of language that describes their own experiences. Transmisogyny is intersectional like the term misogynoir, and "TMA/TME" works the same as "Black/nonBlack". There are contexts when it muddies the waters to refer to every non-white person as a Person of Color, such as discussing antiBlack racism in a place like American Samoa, where I lived for a few years and about 85% of folks are Samoan/Tongan. Similarly, there are times when it muddies the waters to simply say "transphobia", because we need to have the language to describe the specific abuse that trans women are facing.

Finally: it is not transphobic to be held accountable. To be held to a higher standard of behavior than random cishets on the street is a GIFT. It is a GIFT that these women are offering to us to be in community with them. Furthermore, be aware that these kinds of intracommunity conversations are also happening on other levels - white trans women are being asked hard questions on why they aren't better allies to trans women of color sometimes, and their prickly response exactly mirrors the same protective posturing I see from trans men being asked to consider their privilege. Thank you as always to @closet-keys for articulating the model that before you look up the power structure to understand how you are being marginalized, your best first step is to look downstream to be aware of the people suffering more, because you will be better able to understand the historical forces at work.