haha jk....unless?

(Tw: Mentions of flashbacks, panic attacks, Neil's time in the nest,

What if, in the middle of his flashbacks and panic attacks, he does not know what day it is?

What if he unconsciously settles into that routine?

What if Andrew has to remind him, during the worst moments, what day and time it is?

What if they have those digital clocks that have the date in them all over the place?

What if on really bad days, they can't have the curtains closed? No matter how cold it is, Neil needs to be able to see the sky and how slow the sun and moon take to go from east to west?

What if the cats help Neil form some kind of routine?

What if during those weeks filled with bad memories, Neil is in charge of feeding them twice a day? Once in the morning and once at night.

What if, as a family, the foxes set different times in the week where they each call Neil to talk about random things, but always at the exact same time.

What if, during those weeks, Neil and Andrew cook together their three meals at the exact same time?

It hit him one lazy morning. He woke up first, which is to be expected. (Andrew wasn't a morning person and often grumbled about Neil's tendencies to be up at the cracks of dawn.) He was watching Andrew sleep, admiring his only slightly more peaceful face.

The only parts of them that was touching were the arm Andrew had stretched out under the pillow Neil was laying on, and the arm Andrew had thrown across Neil's waist sometime during the night. Neither one of them ever moved much while they were sleeping, so they were both still facing eachother.

Today he found himself staring at Andrew's lips. His mouth was so fascinating for Neil, because of the words he spewed like venom, and the kisses that he covered Neil in despite claiming indifference.

Neil was a little bit more selective of where he kissed Andrew, there were boundaries. But while he was admiring Andrew, he came to a bit of a realization once again, that as long as he asked, he might just be able to do the same, outside of the bedroom even.

A couple days later, the Foxes took a pitstop for coffee on the way to a game, they weren't particularly worried about their opponent, it'd be an easy win and everyone knew it. It was almost unfair how much of an advantage the Foxes had.

While they were waiting in line, Andrew grabbed Neil's hand. It wasn't really romantic, Andrew was still stiff about it, but it sent a shiver down Neil's spine regardless. Now would be a good time.

"Yes or no?" His voice might've cracked, but Andrew thankfully didn't mention it, he just raised an eyebrow and considered him slowly.

"Yes."

Neil took a deep breath and turned towards Andrew, leaning down. Andrew started to tilt his head up, seemingly expecting a peck on the mouth. But Neil carefully raised a hand to Andrew's head and turned it so he could place a kiss on Andrew's forehead.

The reaction when Neil pulled away was immediate. Andrew's face flushed and his eyes widened as he stared at Neil in disbelief. A couple seconds later he regained his composure. He jabbed Neil in the side with his free hand, and squeezed the hand that was holding Neils so hard Neil wouldn't have been suprised if bones broke.

"You're a fucking Junkie." He hissed.

"You liked it."

14 year old Andrew, who thought he wouldn’t make it to 18, was in denial about his sexuality, hated every therapist he’d ever met, and had no idea aaron existed yet: what.

6 year old Andrew: we’re in love? We have a brother?! 🥺

25 year old Neil to his younger self: you play exy professionally now, and you’re no longer on the run, you have a partner named Andrew. You love him with everything you have. You’re safe.

14 year old Neil, tired, who very much thought he’d be dead by now: we’re not running? It’s over?

Andrew: no

Neil: hey a-

like ever

tortured? nope

kidnapped? either

you name it, he doesn’t

and neither does andrew

that is why andrew after his last game at palmetto didn’t know how to react

for the last match of the season all the upperclassmen went to watch the game and at the end after the foxes fourth consecutive, and for andrew last, victory they all rushed onto the field to celebrate

after the usual shaking hands with the opposite team, some celebration with the crowd and an unusual refusal from neil to do press duties, they all file back in the changing room to get ready for their night in columbia

at that moment they had already finished the game a good hour ago, they were all showered and ready but still in the stadium because neil still had to get out of the locker room

but since neil abram josten is famous for his fast plays, his smart mouth and a fucking gigantic red target on his back that says ‘hurt me’, and the last time he took too long to get ready he actually received a phone call informing him he was about to get kidnapped, andrew felt the urge to go check on him

it didn’t take long for andrew to notice no one in sight, it took him even less to hear the muffled sobs coming from the showers

and that was unexpected

they would have known if there was someone else other than neil in the changing room since they were waiting right outside the only existing entrance

so he quickly ruled out the option of neil being attacked

the only other option was that he got seriously hurt during the game and that for some absurd reason andrew didn’t notice, so when said that andrew bolted toward the sound it was not an understatement

he was there, fully clothed and washed, crunched on the floor, hands covering his face and at the same time trying to muffle the sounds

there was no blood in sight, which made andrew tick the first point off of his mental list

he called neils name to let him know he was there, since he gave no sign of noticing, and quickly crouched on the ground in front of him, hands trying to unfold all of neil’s limbs to tick all the other points, no blood, no bruises, no articulation twisted in opposite direction and no sign of pain when his hands grabbed

neil was a little taken aback by the sudden presence of somebody else, but quickly recovered when noticing what andrew was looking for

‘i’m fine’ the murderous glace andrew shot him made him elaborate further on his condition ‘i’m not hurt’

regardless andrew finished his inspection, he lied no trust in this man when talking about his well being

being satisfied with finding nothing he finally raised his eyes to meet neil’s stare, the ‘what’s going on’ was implied

‘I-‘ neil lost his words, he was not used to all this display of emotions, and the irrational reasoning behind it ‘I don’t want it to end’

all andrew could manage was a sigh, all the retorts about his exy hyperfixation dying in his throat. he didn’t need neil to further explain, if the end of university almost affected andrew, he could only imagine how hard it must have been on neil. he was the youngest of the original foxes, and although the new foxes were alright, the bond that the original nine had was incomparable

the foxes were neil’s first, and only, family, he agreed to die, instead of running away just to keep playing with them

andrews thumb gently brushed neil’s cheek to get all the tears streaming down, which apparently just had the least desired effect, because it just made neil cry harder

But can we appreciate that Andrew was asleep? Andrew who we see sleeping through a lot of different things from team meetings to bus rides, but will wake up violently when he's touched. When Renee knocks, its described as a tap of her nails. I don't see that actually waking Andrew, but Neil touching his arm in a desperate search for a gun? That would wake him up, but Andrew doesn't lash out at Neil. He just looks at him before getting out of bed.