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Huge fan of when my speech patterns rub off on people enjoy when thay happens

NEVERMIND MY GRANDMA JUST SAID SKILL ISSUE

biopics are cancelled. just make up a guy

The point of officially naming a pet is not to actually use that name but to have a baseline from which to come up with every conceivable nickname to call them instead.

You bury a seed not because it looks nice in the dirt, but because the limbs that branch out will look nice in the sky

Congrats on contributing to the ancient tumblr tradition of turning shitposts into profound poetry

not being productive or relaxing but a secret third thing

What if we logged into tumblr one day, and some of us just had blue verification checkmarks next to our urls but nobody knew why and staff was completely silent on the subject

"Bottom does not mean sub" might as well be occult knowledge to some of y'all

call my man shredded lettuce because he be a sub topping

It must be exhausting being a vampire and eating someone who gets off to it. I’d take psychic damage too if my lasagna was into vore.

# the comedic potential of a reversed predator-prey dynamic is funny as hell and WILDLY under-utilized

people who don't wear glasses don't get the added benefit of taking off your HD eyesight for a while. just. fuck it! i'm done. 240p vision time

I've seen enough.

anything above 5’6 is NOT a “short king” you stupid bastards

“he’s so small” that man is 5’9. show some fucking decorum. class. use common sense

Very torn between “Queen Elizabeth is a colonizer” and “but I do want her to outlive her stupid son”

Personally I think it would be funnier if he dies incredibly quickly after he gets the crown. Like world record shortest time with the crown quickly

You’re illuminating me. Heart attack the moment the crown touches his balding scalp.

cannot deny being black is exhausting but I wouldn't want to be anything else 🤷🏾‍♀️ in fact being black means I already won

The nonbinary urge to die a saint, but in a whore kind of way