brightcoat's tumblog

character concept: the best trick archer in the world, the trick to which is that he’s actually not an archer at all, he’s a speedster and he can’t aim for shit, every time he takes a shot he actually just grabs the arrow, runs over to what he wants to stick, then runs back before anyone can see him move

he’s on a team with Heat Vision Man, who actually has no heat vision and is another speedster, he just glares at people then runs over and punches them and is back before they can see him move

(the entire team is actually just composed of speedsters who all use their speed in different ways, and they all pretend otherwise in front of their teammates)

The only speedster on their team is actually a teleporter

jack are you implying that sonic’s main cast is a justice league/avengers type superhero team

no i just really like sonic adventure 2: battle

character concept: the best trick archer in the world, the trick to which is that he’s actually not an archer at all, he’s a speedster and he can’t aim for shit, every time he takes a shot he actually just grabs the arrow, runs over to what he wants to stick, then runs back before anyone can see him move

he’s on a team with Heat Vision Man, who actually has no heat vision and is another speedster, he just glares at people then runs over and punches them and is back before they can see him move

(the entire team is actually just composed of speedsters who all use their speed in different ways, and they all pretend otherwise in front of their teammates)

The only speedster on their team is actually a teleporter

im pretty sure red and blue weren’t programmed but just sort of… mutated into cartridges

Red and blue are why QA teams were invented

for fuck’s sake they weren’t badly programmed. They were bleeding edge. It’s so easy to forget that but Red and Blue were literally pushing the limits of what they could fit on the cartridge. They used every trick in the book. In that way, the programming behind them is GENIUS. It’s frankly a lost art, in this era where hardware is insanely cheap and scalable, when you can just keep throwing more resources at the problem. But Red & Blue were when programmers had to get creative. Not currently using a piece of memory? Repurpose it, we can’t just leave it lying around. Only have a couple registers? Juggle them, keep careful track so we can restore them when we needed. Does this data need to be single purpose, or can we also use it for, say, a seed value? And all this WORKED. I guarantee you 99% of children playing this never saw a bug in casual play. MODERN games are buggier by a landslide. Remember when X&Y came out and there was an ENTIRE CITY you couldn’t save in because it’d DELETE YOUR SAVE? Imagine that happening in the days of Red&Blue. It couldn’t have. I can turn on my red cartridge TODAY and have it work. And the bugs that did exist, those edge cases they missed? They produce this behavior because the game REFUSES TO CRASH. Sure, you can make it crash if you try hard enough, but goddamn it’s resilient. It just plugs away with garbage data in memory for as long as possible. Y'all looking down from your 64-bit quad-core smartphones with 128GB SD cards like Red & Blue were programmed by amateurs. What, you also going to bitch that the Wright Brothers didn’t make a jet engine? These are artifacts from pioneers who wrote the goddamn book that others would use as gospel. Sincerely, a pissed off goddamn programmer.

of all the posts ive seen from this blog this is the one im most prepared to dismiss as bullshit

it’s true

Wheres that tweet about how the fate of humanity is to keep reinventing homestuck

you already know what the fuck is going on, mr navidson

the great paradox of matt groening’s shows always being uncomfortably horny while also having the most unfuckable characters and least sexy art style of all time