A Completely Functional Humanoid

internet ransom note where instead of magazine letters it’s just jpgs of letters found on google

I dunno you guys I think the emotion of “yaaay I finally have an excuse to be a bully” is one you shouldn’t luxuriate in

I’ll admit I’ve sent a 👍 in my time

wait here while my manservant fetches the anti-elf rifle

Also I went through and added up all the donation receipts I saw in the reblogs and it's currently totalling to $495.61!!! Almost five hundred dollars donated and a far from insignificant chunk of that is as a direct result of this post!

LOOK AT ALL THAT CHANGE (LITERALLY)

when she asks you to treat her like a plushie so you pour milk onto her and suck it back out and she's sopping wet all the time and you throw her at the wall and she makes a loud thud

I mean if you're stranded at sea and you do kill a seagull with a golf ball and it lands on the deck and you don't have any water you COULD drink its blood for hydration but you run the risk of losing more water if it makes you too nauseous, and you would get more hydrated just eating the meat. If has bird flu you're fucked tho.

of course any sailor could tell you "don't kill a seagull it's bad luck" but personally if a sailor told me that while I hucked another wilson soft at a screaming airborne beach menace I would probably not handle the advice too well. I would most likely not take it with a lot of patience if I'm being fully honest

Id use my fantastic machine that turns blood into water.

it's always the fantastic blood machine with this guy