A Completely Functional Humanoid

internet ransom note where instead of magazine letters it’s just jpgs of letters found on google

when she asks you to treat her like a plushie so you pour milk onto her and suck it back out and she's sopping wet all the time and you throw her at the wall and she makes a loud thud

I mean if you're stranded at sea and you do kill a seagull with a golf ball and it lands on the deck and you don't have any water you COULD drink its blood for hydration but you run the risk of losing more water if it makes you too nauseous, and you would get more hydrated just eating the meat. If has bird flu you're fucked tho.

of course any sailor could tell you "don't kill a seagull it's bad luck" but personally if a sailor told me that while I hucked another wilson soft at a screaming airborne beach menace I would probably not handle the advice too well. I would most likely not take it with a lot of patience if I'm being fully honest

Id use my fantastic machine that turns blood into water.

it's always the fantastic blood machine with this guy

once these 15 million different stressful situations resolve themselves I’m gonna be so normal again. I can be normal and not exhausted

Oh bean

It was the Beefy Resilient Grex!!!! Well done

"you couldnt make seinfeld today" you couldve made seinfeld in 45 B.C.

Trace amounts of Monica in my life

A statistically insignificant level of Monica in my life

My life manufactured in a facility that also processes Monica