Happy Moon Landing Eve! Remember to leave out milk and cookies for Buzz Aldrin and Neil Armstrong, and donโt let Michael Collins convince you to prank NASA!
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โBecause the truth is, tech doesnโt have an image problem. It doesnโt have a message problem. It has an intention problem. Whatโs wrong with the axe murderer who broke into my house is not that he hasnโt successfully persuaded me to buy into his narrative. Whatโs wrong is that heโs trying to kill me with an axe. Similarly, when you launch a product thatโs designed to put millions of people out of work, block access to sources of verifiable truth, replace human creativity with slop, and lower the barriers to every sort of atrocity, the problem isnโt that you havenโt told the public a good story about those things. The problem is that you are trying to do them.โ
The recent hot VS cold polls have made me realise that a lot of people have no idea how to cool down.
As someone from a hot country that's regularly on fire, here's some tips:
WATER IS YOUR FRIEND! WATER! IS! YOUR! FRIEND! You can transfer SO much heat into this bad boy! You cannot cool down without water!
Wrists under the cold tap. Splash your face and the back of your neck. Fan yourself.
In some countries you can buy a little handeld fan with a water sprayer.
Damp tea towel around the neck. Stick an ice pack in there on hotter days.
Half fill a water bottle with water, stick in freezer. If you use a bottle with a straw, make sure it's lying on its side with the straw side up and out of the water. When frozen top up the rest of the way with tap water and off you go.
Desperate to cool off? Wet T-shirt. Sit in front of a fan. This will nuke it, just don't get hypothermia and don't fall asleep like this.
Cold showers are also your friend in summer. Some people get psyched up by these. Personally, I sleep like a baby, so I'm good to have them before bed. Just keep in mind that it takes a bit of time for the cool to circulate, so your body will tell you that you're colder than you actually are. I find that when I have cold showers I need to step out of the spray when I think I'm cold... I'll just wait, and thirty seconds later the temperature has evened out and I actually need to step under again. Rinse and repeat until you maintain coolness even after stepping out for a bit.
If you can't do cold showers, turn the cold shower on anyway and just stick your arms under. When they're cold, lift your arms up above your head. The sensation of cool blood draining into your body is fucking weird and kinda unpleasant but less unpleasant than being hot.
Feet in a tub of water with ice. Blood naturally flows to your extremities when hot, so take advantage of this. If you don't have a tub of ice water, sticking a wet rag on your feet in front of the fan works too, it's the less powerful version of the wet T-shirt.
Drinks lots of water but make sure that water has electrolytes as well. Stay in the shade.
Keep air circulating. Fans don't actually cool rooms down, they just help transfer heat from your body to the moisture on your skin or the air via evaporative cooling.
Block north facing windows early in the morning so the sun doesn't get in. If you're in the northern hemisphere, this is opposite for you. Keep in mind that if your home is brick, the bricks will still heat up and slowly release heat into your home even after the sun goes down so this will only do so much.
If it's hotter inside than outside, close all your windows but two, making sure they're on opposite sides of the house/unit you're in. Point a fan out of one window, making sure that the doors between the rooms with the open windows are all open. This will help create a mini pressure system in your home, pulling cooler air in and pushing the hotter air out via the fan. Bonus points if you can get that fan high up where the hot air rises; even within a single room the top is much hotter than the air by the floor. Adjust the amount of open windows based on how many fans you have, but generally you want more windows with fans open than windows without fans to keep the pressure correct.
Obviously, use your common sense for these. Not everything WILL work for you, just use the stuff that does and adjust what needs to be adjusted. Some of these will be impossible to use in the workplace but others you can still use. Others are best used at home. If humidity impacts your ability to use any of these, get a dehumidifier if that's an option, or use more ice instead of evaporation.
Also keep in mind that the skinnier you are, the faster these will work. More fat means more insulation, means more heat, so you may need to be more patient with some of these or use them in combination.
YAKI ONIGIRI (GRILLED RICE BALLS) WITH FRIED CHICKEN AND CHEESE
Are these authentic onigiri? Absolutely not. I'm a honkie from the southeastern US who took the simple, elegant Japanese concept of grilled rice balls and bastardized it into some sort of white trash stoner's grilled cheese recipe. But I dare you to eat one and tell me they're not delicious.
INGREDIENTS:
2 cups white rice, dry (short grain/sushi rice is ideal, but I usually just use jasmine)
2-3 fried chicken strips, chopped to roughly the consistency of ground beef (about 2 cups)
1/2 cup sriracha mayo (more if it looks dry)
4 oz mozzarella cheese, shredded (about 1 1/2 cups)
1 tbsp furikake (or other rice seasoning of your choice)
1 tbsp soy sauce
3 tbsp vegetable oil
sliced lemon wedges, for serving
roasted nori seaweed snack sheets, for serving
I also recommend a triangular onigiri mold as it makes shaping and compressing the onigiri much easier than if you just use your handsโyou can find them online or at your local asian grocery store for quite cheap
STEPS
Cook the rice according to package directions (I just use a rice cooker). Meanwhile, prep your other ingredients (chopping the chicken strips, shredding the cheese, etc). In a bowl, combine the fried chicken and sriracha mayo. (If you lack the spice tolerance/room in your heart for sriracha, you could also just use kewpie mayo. It'll be tragically bland, but at least the texture will be right.)
When the rice has finished cooking, fluff it, add the furikake and the soy sauce, and allow it to cool at room temperature for a few minutes while you set up your onigiri-making workspace. I like to have a silicon-mat-lined baking sheet, the rice, the fillings, and a medium bowl of water (to dunk the onigiri mold into in between each onigiri) all within easy reach.
Not pictured: All the countertop junk I hastily shoved just out of frame.
Heat a large nonstick skillet over medium heat. Line a large plate with paper towels and top with a sheet of aluminum foil and put it within reach of your pan. Put on a pair of disposable gloves for this next part as it helps keep the rice from sticking to your hands.
Dip your onigiri mold into the bowl of water (getting your gloved hands wet, too) and pull it back out. Scoop a small amount of the rice into the bottom of the onigiri mold and press it up the sides, creating a divot in the center. Add a layer of the cheese, then a spoonful of the chicken/mayo mixture, another layer of the cheese, and then enclose the fillings in more of the rice.
I know these photos look crazy. I had to turn the flash on, okay?
Pack it in tightly, adding more rice as needed to completely fill the mold, then firmly compress the mold before extracting the rice ball. The denser they are, the better they'll hold together during handling, cooking, and eating. Note that you will be quite bad at this at first. You must press on anyway for the delicious rewards that await you. There is an intuitive art to shaping onigiri that you can only master with practice, but if they're falling apart, it almost always means you're not using enough rice, not compressing them enough, or not keeping your hands and mold wet enough to prevent the rice from getting stuck. Repeat until you run out of rice.
For me, this recipe typically makes anywhere from 8-12 onigiri, depending on the amount of filling I used for each and how much anger I'm taking out on them as I compress them.
Add the vegetable oil to your hot skillet and carefully place the first batch of onigiri in the pan one at a time using a pair of spatulas. DO NOT stand directly over the pan; waiting until now to add the oil helps to prevent it from popping and splattering up as you add the onigiri, but it may still happen. Work in batches so you don't overcrowd the pan.
Pro tip: When taking recipe photos to post on the internet, clean your stovetop first.
Cook for about 5 minutes or until you can see the bottoms beginning to crisp up and turn golden brown, then carefully flip them using your pair of spatulas and continue cooking for another five minutes. Be not afraid if cheese begins to ooze from the sides as they cook; it simply means you are pure of heart. If you want extra credit, you can even flip them onto their sides to crisp those up and seal in the deliciousness, but it's not necessary and I only recommend futzing with them this much if you're certain of their structural integrity.
Above: The onigiri polycule in the midst of a bitter argument.
โข When done, transfer them onto the paper towel lined plate and cover with the foil to keep them warm. Repeat with the second batch, then serve immediately with the lemon wedges and either cold beer or a soda, using a nori sheet to cradle each rice ball as you eat it.ย
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They should make hollow, fragile sugar candies exactly the size and shape of a lightbulb to safely satisfy the bodyโs natural need to eat lightbulbs whole
This has gone beyond "I cannot explain this to my spouse" and is firmly in "Archaeologists of the future will decide this is the point at which a group of people diverged from mainstream humanity and developed a new, indecipherable form of communication."
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Put this picture in your pocket, next time you get into an argument with someone about 'useless' scientific studies, ask them "Do you think that we should give funding to study the mating habits of endangered iguanas in the Sonoran desert, or should we be funding cures for alzheimer's and diabetes?" and then when they say "Of course we should be using that money to fund cures!" you can whip out this picture and say "trick question, it's the same thing"
having poor circulation is great because people will touch your hand and go 'oh! you're so cold!' and for a moment you get to experience what it's like to be a vampire in a romance novel
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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