Protector of the Booty

*turns my attention inwards* mmmmm. no *turns my attention back outwards* oh god

I’m soooooo embarrassed. My lord told me “good night,” but I thought he was calling me a good knight, and, well, you could hear it clink against my codpiece.

Being an adult will have you unironically craving a vegetable

a pit of dread forms in your stomach as you parse my "evil baby on board" decal and realize you have a moral duty to rear end my vehicle as hard as you can

washing dishes is evil because you go "oh fuck there's so many dishes this is gonna take foreverrr" and then you enter the dish abyss and emerge with your abdomen somehow covered in water and your hands all wrinky and then you look at the clock and what felt like half an hour was actually 10 minutes

"all you ever do is complain" that's not true. I also resent.

not everything is getting worse. at least you don't hear high hopes by panic at the disco every day anymore

you're just mad because you're hungry and tired and your legs hurt and you head hurts and you're too hot and you have depression

I don't want to buy mass-produced garbage from a big box store so I go to etsy but half of etsy is now dropshipped mass-produced garbage or AI slop so I go to the local arts and crafts street market but a ton of those booths are also selling the same generic plastic objects or identical stickers or 3D printed dragons so WHERE do I buy real trinkets and art from sincere freaks