iām reading why does he do that and this last part has been ON FIRE, i am hollering in my house.
I had such a temper problem (one of many problems) when I was young. My teachers would tell my motherĀ āyour child was out of controlā and my mother would tell them: āDonāt say that. Donāt ever say that. He is responsible for his behavior. If he truly couldnāt control his behavior, he would need to be institutionalized, but thatās not whatās happening. Institutionalization isnāt what he needs. He needs to be held accountable for the acts he thinks his anger makes excusable. Heās not out of control, heās not exercising his control appropriately - saying that heās out of control lets him off the hook and teaches him the wrong thingā Over hearing that was a powerful lesson for me, and one that stays with me 30 years later
All of this. āCanātā gives away agency, whether itās our own or someone elseās. āHe canāt help it; he was just raised that wayā, for instance - one of the most common lines used by a woman to explain away a manās abusive behaviour.
If he manages not to physically attack his boss or his clients when they do something that makes him angryā¦ he can control himself. He just doesnāt think itās worth the effort when thereās a woman involved.Ā
