heyo

I told a guy his total was 13.21 and he said “wish it were that year, could actually get some good music on the radio”

breaking news from the AP, our boys on the front have just sacked constantinople. take that, heretics. coming up next are the soothing lute dirges of bing crosby

Just saw my doctor type "FUCKED FOR LIFE" on my chart then he turned the screen away and stopped making eye contact with me

i just got shot with a puppy rifle but it didnt hurt me because im not a puppy

me i just got shot by an elephant gun but im not even an elephant so im ok

i just got shot with a 9mm handgun but i'm ok because i am taller than 9mm

hi! I'm a 9mm tall puppyphant and i'm excited to be here!

For thousands of years humanity has selectively bred chickens to have larger breasts and to have to lay eggs constantly. We did it to get more meat and per chicken, but from the perspective of the domesticated chickens they’re sorta living in a very specific fetish scenario

A patient, explaining what their relationship is to their new visitor who was headed up to see them, said, “he’s my guardian,” and I said “oh I didn’t you had a legal guardian,” and the patient said, “he’s not my legal guardian, he’s my spiritual and physical guardian. He is also my brother. Well, I say he’s my brother. He’s like a brother. He’s my husband.” And I say this with genuinely no judgment, just pure curiosity, what

working with little kids is so dangerous. you get one kid who has a unique way of speaking & then spend the rest of your life with an internal monologue like “me’s go bathroom?”