hey man. nice regional dialect. mind if i apply some baseless assumptions about your personhood to it? i was also gonna prescribe morality to it as well. if that’s cool with you

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titsay

KIROKAZE

oozey mess
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"

One Nice Bug Per Day
Mike Driver

shark vs the universe
YOU ARE THE REASON
taylor price

izzy's playlists!
Cosimo Galluzzi
macklin celebrini has autism
Claire Keane
ojovivo
sheepfilms
almost home

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@bleeding-heart-romantic
hey man. nice regional dialect. mind if i apply some baseless assumptions about your personhood to it? i was also gonna prescribe morality to it as well. if that’s cool with you

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Hello just incase you want to hear about nurse Shane and security guard Ilya, Ilya is going away for a few nights with his boys on a camping trip for Marley’s birthday. And like it’s fine Shane can cope without Ilya for a few nights, he has many times before when their schedules don’t lie up but he’s been having a fucking Bad couple weeks. Heavy shifts, struggling sleeping coming on and off nights, back pain from work- headaches and it just. He’s just sad that he won’t get to see Ilya, fall asleep with him. Eat dinner together and makeout in the shower and watch a movie (fool around) on the couch. And Ilya can tell, the way he’s gone a bit quiet, the way he is extra sensitive to external input. Asking Ilya to turn the tv down when it’s already soft, wrinkling his nose at one of the shirts Ilya offered him after a shower together, picking through for a different one instead. Anyway, Ilya gets it, that Shane needs comfort when he’s feeling overwhelmed and exhausted with work and Ilya is part of his comfort. But he also knows Shane would never want to stop him from plans, from a trip he’d been looking forward to. So ! Ilya does what he can. The day he’s due to go Shane’s out his door early for a morning shift with an extra minute of soft goodbye kisses that will maybe make him a little late. Ilya sets to work, going to his place to pack and lock up but not before bringing some things back to Shane’s. Ilya’s pillow, an old hoodie Ilya’s had for years, soft worn cotton, oversized and heavy fabric with a nice big hood. He drops off some snacks for Shane he collected for him on his way home. But, most importantly, Benjamin. He tucks the large teddy into Shane’s bed, Ilya’s side of the bed before remaking it around him.
Ilya’s heart about bursts out of his chest when he gets a text later that night through the shitty reception at the campsite a selfie, Shane in Ilya’s hoodie, Benjamin cuddled to his chest and Shane’s face half hidden in the soft of the teddys fur. Ilya replies “my cute boy” and Shane sends back a 😚 kissey and then Ilya replies “you’ll be good and get some sleep for me yeah baby? Benjamin will look after you for me x” and Shane replies “okay, promise” and Ilya replies “send me some more pictures before you sleep okay? Only if you can” and Shane replies with another picture already, always so good for Ilya. This one he’s smiling soft and small at the camera, the image a tiny bit blurry, his lips so pink and hair messy soft down on his forehead. Ilya stares at it so long Marley throws a burger bun at his head.
i was thinking about nurse shane and security ilya doing what they can to have their schedules align to the same nights so they have a fairly decent routine together (as much as you can in a hospital)
then shane is asked/assigned to cover a day shift nurses maternity leave so their schedules are completely off. at work during opposite times, sleeping during opportune quality time at home, no overlapping breaks aside from catching each other shift changes.
they both do a lot of little things for each other during that time to make up for it like shane packing ilya lunches with cute notes and ilya leaving flowers or small surprises for shane to find when he gets home. they do of course get their off days when they do manage to overlap, but the sleep adjustments still make it difficult to fully enjoy it.
both are just desperately looking forward to being back on the same wake windows and working schedules, already planning on using vacation time in between to realign shane’s sleep schedule and just spend time together.
Hiii sugarloaf 🦦
Yum I love this so much much baby ! In my reality (which I think is different from the US and maybe UK and idk about Canada lol) Shane is on a rotating roster, so he’s on a mix of 12hr days and nights through the month. Ilya would be a more set roster in my mind- so like he does a week of days then a week of nights alternating.
So let’s say it’s like ten or so months into being together, and they have found a way to make their rosters work most months with Shane’s always changing schedule and Ilya’s set one- some are a bit more spotty than others but they are seeing each other at least two or three times a week, outside of work at minimum. And it’s not always easy- sometimes it’s an hour and compromising naps and getting up early or staying up late, or swapping shifts but they make it work pretty well.
And really Shane’s place has kinda become their place now- (it’s not official, the living together in all ways but the actual asking of it and transfer of leases) - it’s closer to the hospital and Ilya has a roommate and Shane had shyly said one afternoon when Ilya had spoken about going home when Shane went to work that he liked knowing Ilya was there to come home to. He liked the idea of Ilya sleeping in his bed, even if Shane couldn’t be in it with him. And really- it gives them more time, coming home to the same place. (They haven’t laid it out together, in conversation, but Shane thinks Ilya must feel it too, the warmth of someone to come home to, of building something together, of not feeling so alone, of having a piece of life, something real and human and soft to come home to after long shifts in hospital walls and hospital chaos)
But then Shane is moved to a night shift roster for a month to cover a co worker who is off on workers compensation with an injury. Of course in divine timing Ilya is on three weeks of day shifts because they are installing new duress alarms and safety threat code responses across the building and they need extra support in hours for testing them.
It’s the first time they are stuck in complete opposite rosters, so they sit down and compare the days. At Shane’s instruction- he literally says they need to ‘have a meeting’ about it and then Ilya is too busy kissing Shane stupid over that, then fucking Shane stupid over that, for them to have a meeting about it until later that evening.
The meeting is very Formal, Shane in Ilya’s lap on the couch with his laptop open, calendar app pulled up that’s synced up to the app on his phone. Ilya is like valiantly trying not to get hard over Shane having a whole calendar set titled
Ilya 🧸💗 nestled there on the side between:
🏥 Work 🦋 Social life ✅ Reminders 🏋🏻 Gym 📌 Appointments 👟 Runs
The emojis alone (and the fact ilya got 2!) made it hard for Ilya to focus on the screen and not biting at Shane’s neck and ears and getting his hand down his sweats as they settled onto the couch. Shane had slapped Ilya’s hand away when he tried. Shane pulls up his roster online and Ilya logs into his on his phone, and Shane ads in his shifts first, then Ilya’s to his calendar. It leaves them with 3 days they are both off shift across the whole month, one of which will be taken by going to see Shane’s parents, time that Ilya values, having a family again, but it leaves them with less time alone than they barely have already.
bug what's nurse shane up to rn.....i gotta know......
Shane’s said four words since he woke up fifteen minutes ago. He’s sat at the counter, stool pulled up to it, hunched tiredly over a bowl of cereal. He’s in his scrub pants and no shirt, as usual for pre shift dinner to avoid any spills or smells on his top.
Ilya is leant in the doorway of Shane’s kitchen. He’d finished his short shift at three in the afternoon, been at Shane’s place by half past.
He’d let himself in quietly, (using the key Shane had given him two months ago now to come go and he pleased) very careful as he moved around the home, to stay quiet and not wake Shane from his pre night shift sleep as he changed into the sweats he bought with him.
Shane would be up at four thirty to stretch, shower, do his skincare change and then out in the kitchen by five. Ilya had folded and stacks Shane’s clothes from the dyer, and filled Shane’s waterbottle while he waited for his boy to wake up.
They’d have and hour and half before Shane would have to leave before shift, it wasn’t much, but Ilya hadn’t seen Shane outside of in passing at work in a few days and he’d missed him. The chance to kiss and cuddle and sit with his boy was worth it. Ilya was curled up on the couch when the door to Shane’s bedroom clicked open, and his Shane had shuffled out, in his scrub pants and socks, rubbing at his right eye with his fist.
Ilya had gotten so absorbed in real housewives that he’d not even realised the time, and his eyes darted to his phone. His stomach flipped a little at the 5:21 on the screen. Ilya’s eyes darted back to Shane, who had come to a stop at the end of the couch. He’d leant down and pressed his lips on Ilya’s head, mumbled “hi baby” and sniffled before shuffling onward to the kitchen before Ilya could reply.
Ilya watched the slump of his retreating boyfriends back. This was bad, late out of bed and no kiss on the lips. Ilya had managed to sit still for all of five minutes before he was climbing off the couch and following after Shane. He wanted to give him space, to wake up, to settle, to seek out Ilya when he was ready for him. But Ilya had missed him, and a Shane out of pattern was unpredictable.
It bought them to now, Ilya leant in the door with Shane bringing spoonfuls of cereal to his mouth, the soft clink of his spoon and the distant noise of the tv the only sound in the room.
“Sleep okay?” Ilya asked softly, and then went about making Shane’s pre shift coffee- half to do something with his hands and half because Shane was already late to get up, late to have his coffee in hand warm and fresh ti help wake him up.
“Mmhm” Shane hummed, nodded, muffled a yawn into his hand.
“Work ok?” Shane asked then, voice low and scratchy with sleep. Ilya turned to look at him as the coffee machine spluttered and spilled smooth coffee into Shane’s mug. Shane had a pillow crease down his cheek, his eyes were hazy with the edges of sleep, chest flushed with sleep warmth. Ilya wanted to bundled him up whole, maybe bite him a little. Maybe kiss and suck at the warm skin of his neck while he got him all cosy in his lap and touched him until that bunch of his shoulders dropped and the loosened into something softer, warmer, loose limbed.
Shane looked at him with expectant brows and Ilya bit down a smile as he turned the espresso shot into an iced long black. Of course Shane would check on him with the few words he managed to get out, those somehow worked past the tangle in his brain.
“Was good, not too busy” Ilya shrugged and crossed the kitchen to place the coffee in front of Shane, looked down at the grumbly shape of his boyfriend, he could feel his stewing radiating off him. Ilya placed a gentle hand on the back of Shane’s neck, rubbed the pads of his fingers up against Shane’s hairline. He dipped his head to kiss the top of Shane’s head.
“Thank you” Shane mumbles and its wobbly, and ha lingers, pets at Shane’s neck but Shane doesn’t lean back into him, doesn’t chat to him about last nights shift in slow hazy words, doesn’t catch Ilya’s hand to hold while he eats. Ilya hums, and pulls back.
Sometimes his Shane is quiet and sometimes his Shane needs space; especially on his last shift on a block of nights. Ilya is familiar with the way they untangle you, leave you spacey and backwards. Like you’re jet lagged or a toddler or a tiny bit drunk and hungover at the same time.
Ilya strolls out of the kitchen and goes to mute the tv, incase the sound is too much, and then goes to his bag for the three item he’d thrown in there for Shane this morning. He wordlessly makes his way back to the kitchen where Shane is rinsing his bowl, his backpack sitting unzipped on the bench, now containing his lunch bag.
Ilya places the small box of peppermint tea inside the bag (Shane said it helped with the bloating and nausea he sometimes got on nights and shane had texted Ilya with many sad faces that he was out of it last night) and well Ilya had stock for Shane at his place so it just made sense to bring some.
He lays the jumper he has in his arms over the top of the bag. It was Ilya’s, a sweatshirt he’d had for years, worn in thin and comfortable, soft in that way that only came with time. Shane’s favoured jumper to take of Ilya’s when they were at his place. Shane could decide if he wanted it for work- but at least the offer was there.
Ilya takes himself back to the couch, sits down and clicks the volume up to a soft murmur. Tells himself that he’s doing well not to hover, even though he kind of needs a smile and a kiss from Shane before he leaves to feel confident that is boy is alright. But then again, maybe he’s simply too tired for that- or overstimulated by Ilya’s presence. And yes Ilya’s missed his boy, but even if his time with Shane, being in Shane’s orbit consisted of only this, that was okay- they knew, time together between shifts like this, in overlap, they were just whatever they could find energy to be together.
Two weeks ago Ilya had come home with such a migraine post work that date night with Shane had been a cool shower and then laying in the dark of Ilya’s room in silence with the fan on, not touching because Ilya’s skin felt throbby.
A week before that, both post a 12hr day they had drunk wine directly from one shared bottle, and ate Thai food on the floor in front of the tv as they ranted about their equally fucking cursed days. It would change, what they needed but, what they needed would always be from each other, to exist together.
Ilya is halfway through a text to Sveta, when he suddenly blinks and oh, that’s a lap full of Shane. He’s warm and heavy and no longer shirtless, in his scrub top and Ilya’s jumper and he’s shoving his face into Ilya’s neck, tucking his arms in between their chests and his thigh pressing to either side of Ilya.
Ilya lets out a soft breathless laugh, knocked out of him the the weight of Shane, but then, then he feels the ripple of Shane’s shoulders, hears his big drawing breath in the way it’s coming faster than usual. Oh. Oh Shane.
thinking about eva stratt crafting a coffin for her friends. the very best coffin, full of every piece of pirated media the entire world has to offer. crafted for maximum comfort, this coffin, with every bit of authority available to her, which is all of it.
and then thinking about all the people who call her cold or uncaring or clinical about what she has to do to save earth. eva stratt, who had silly t-shirts and vodka and favorite meals stored in the Hail Mary and treated with the same level of importance as the finely tuned equipment and the centrifuge the entire planet relies on for salvation.
and then thinking about eva stratt nodding and saying, “yeah, I’m pretty awful. that’s why i’m in charge” with a neutral expression and even believing it. as if crafting the most beautiful coffin and homage to her soon-to-be dead friends won’t haunt her always.
thinking about eva stratt being the first person on the “eva stratt is a monster” train, welcoming ryland grace aboard and knowing she believed in him more than anyone else.
it’s fine, really it’s fine and normal and eva stratt makes beautiful coffins for the people and things she cares about.

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Nurse!Shane fussing over Security Guard!Ilya after he gets hurt when doing his job
Yes yes yes nurse Shane looks after his Ilya so fucking well. Even before they were together- before they realised, Shane had always been good at reading when something was off with Ilya.
Maybe it’s because he’s around it 24/7- the chaos, the noise, the tension, the worry, all the emotions and fear and love that loves so think under the skin in hospitals. Maybe it’s because he knows how it can burrow under your own skin, others- how things can escalate and click and switch back right under your hands. How all those feelings sometimes have nowhere to go but back to someone else, the human thing to need to attack something out of fear- something that can speak back to you rather than an illness. But Shane is good at seeing when the rifts of the hospital buckle under Ilya’s feet. Ilya always has a smile, for the kids, for the staff, a warm joke or a flirty comment for some of the older nurses who simply blush in his presence.
When things get to him, he goes quiet, still, sharp set face, his cheekbones look more pronounced from the lack of smile, he looks- cold. It’s the first time Shane has seen him like this- hollow almost, he didn’t even smile at Shane as he passed him in the corridor and it made Shane’s stomach twist, sharp and nervous and worried. The short head nod he’d offered Shane felt like it had come from an entirely different person. Shane had been taking a patient up to theater so it’s not like he could stop- could try and speak to him about it- he’s not sure what he’s even say, but it had sunk low in his gut like a stone. Ilya’s serious quiet face, the way it made him look like someone else.
It sits with Shane for hours and when he finally gets time for a break he finds himself leaving the ward, aimlessly walking with the excuse in his mind to get a coffee. And so maybe he walks to the cafe cart on the opposite side of the building and it’s not because it’s near the security offices- that’s just a co incidence. He doesn’t find Ilya. Doesn’t know why he was thinking he would- somehow just stumble into him. It was stupid anyway it wasn’t like- maybe Ilya just didn’t want to smile at him. But Shane can’t stop this prickle in his chest that something just isn’t right. Like when he looks at a patient and can tell, despite all other clinical signs, what they might say, that they are going to take a turn for the worse. Sixth sense.
Anyway- so Shane just worries quietly through the next few hours, when Jenn, one of the new nurses to the unit that Shane hasn’t quite gotten a read on yet- comes bouncing by him, smelling like the chemical cherry scent of her vape. Shane hears her chatting to one of the other nurses about how the “hot security guard was sulking on the roof and smoking actual cigarettes ew” (Shane bites his tongue hard to not explain to her how much more evil her little pink stick e cigarette is. He shouldn’t have to really if she paid attention in nursing school. Anyway.)
Shane is pretty sure that hot security guard is widely known as Ilya- could only be Ilya. And whatever fresh air sounds nice. He doesn’t make any more excuses to himself and tells his in charge he’s taking a short break and makes his way up to the roof. Sometimes during the summer he’ll come up there for a break when he can get away that long- but during the winter months it’s usually just the smokers who come out here.
Nurse Shane Security Guard Ilya Headcanon Universe
Headcanons
The OG Headcanon
A patient drew a picture of Shane
Shift break nap
Mini thoughts
How they spend days off
Sexual dynamic
Shane meal preps for Ilya
Who proposes
Shane finds out Ilya bought his engagement ring the same week they became boyfriends
On Halloween Ilya dresses up as a slutty nurse
There’s a dog! At the hospital!
Shane gets Ilya a ring too
How Shane looks after Ilya after a bad shift
Night shift exhaustion
Middle of the night sex
Opposite rosters* New
Mini headcanons
Benjamins sleep over
Extras
⭐️Art Shane + Ilya by @cosien (ahh!!)
💫 Art of Shane + Ilya by @jeffthemagicdragon (ahhh!)
🧸 Who is Benjamin
📷 Security Guard Ilya’s camera roll
📸 Nurse Shane’s camera roll
How is it that you can a music library of like 1,200+ absolute bangers but as soon as you put it on shuffle in a group setting it's like. anime opening you added in 2010. homestuck parody song. musical artist who was cancelled last year for kidnapping and eating children in his basement. Hamilton
I can't believe some people are actually reblogging this like "Tch. Omg, so embarrassing OP, I can't believe you would ever admit to liking Hamilton 😏 " like ok, first of all congratulations for hatching as a fully formed adult in 2022 from the pure white egg of a virgin swan i guess. Raised in a cave on a diet consisting solely of nuts and berries and leftist twitter clapbacks. "ooooooh, I've never had a complicated relationship with a piece of art that was phenomenally well-received at the time but aged like milk as later reflection revealed the fundamental flaws in its premise that were in fact present from its inception but which I didn't notice because I was 17 and hadn't heard of neoliberalism yet" Should we throw a party? Should we invite Anthony Fantano? Anyway second of all. you draw the line at Lin Manuel Miranda but you're fine with basement guy?
Reblog to give prev the power to write their fanfiction
Reblog to give prev the TIME to write their fanfiction
Reblog to give prev the hocus focus to write their fanfiction.
Reblog to give prev the energy to write their fanfiction
Reblog to give prev the executive function to write their fanfiction
"there are no new things to say about heated rivalry" what if shane and ilya were in Saw

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Post outing, during Shane’s first season with Ottawa, he meets up with Rose. The Centaurs have a game in New York and Rose has a Colbert appearance. The press immediately speculates why Ilya didn’t come with them. After all, he and Shane are married now. The more trashy outlets speculate about Shane and Rose rekindling their romance while the more serious ones (lol) write about tension between Rose and Ilya and Ilya being jealous and A Close Friend bemoans how poor Shane is in the middle of his husband and his best friend not getting along.
Fast forward a couple of months, the Centaurs are playing LA. Shane is sitting out the road trip due to a minor injury. Ilya meets up with Rose at a small restaurant to avoid the press, but they get caught by paparazzi. And they get absolutely swarmed. Usually, Rose can handle a few paps going after her, but this time there are so many, they block the way from the restaurant’s door to where her car is parked. Rose was just caught leaving a party hand in hand with another actor a week ago and the paps are after her like crazy and because she and Ilya were meeting on the dl she didn’t bring security. Turns out, she didn’t need to. The paparazzi are in their faces, yelling at Rose about her possible relationship with her actor or whether she’s hooking up with her ex-boyfriend’s husband now, shoving them around and flashing their cameras. Unfortunately for the paparazzi, none of them have a lot of experience with professional hockey players. Hockey players who can fight and are good in a scrum. So Ilya drags up his I’m gonna drop my gloves and punch out your teeth persona and yells at them loud enough that at least two of the paps drop their cameras. Even these hardened vultures don’t know what to do in the face of Russian hockey player fury. Ilya doesn’t punch any of them, but he doesn’t have to. Just wraps an arm around Rose and clears a path for her with the other, his broad shoulders and the murderous expression on his face equally well suited to get them back to Rose’s car. The clip goes viral, especially because it catches Rose’s absolutely vindicated expression when Ilya basically glares the last photographer out of his way, and says, just audible for the camera, “next time we go out, we bring hockey sticks and just sweep them out of the way like ugly overgrown pucks.”
Later that night, Rose posts a clip of her and Ilya on the ice, shooting pucks with the caption 💪 practice.
Ilya Rozanov and Shane Hollander most accurate bitch (extrovert) x bitch (introvert) of all time and it's so funny to me how they're perceived as asshole x sweetheart by the league and some of the fandom when Ilya is basically just a doberman (scary face, insanely loyal, asshole to people he doesn't care about but deeply loving) whereas if Shane was featured on a nature documentary they'd talk about him like they'd talk about a fucking stonefish
My mom care's a little too much about hockey. Yeah, I see where you get it from.
watched sinners. i am so fucking angry with all Tumblr™ users.
so what you got from sinners was... remmick as a blorbo. not "music as a coping and bonding method in the presence of overwhelming grief". not "lateral family bonds as a form of black community and survival". not "early acceptance of death in black youth". not "black women as the focal point of community". not "christianity as a tool of assimilation". nothing but "wow remmick is so ✨babygirl✨". whats crazy is that yall lowkey played out the violence of film (white exploitation and decimation of black culture and community) like. perfectly. you parody yourselves.
i finally saw the movie right after having to read some uwu racist say that sinners was "het slop". het slop. wow. if i started killing would you blame me if i never stopped.
don’t ever kill your self because maybe someday you will get brunch with your tumblr mutual

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I’m just craving low key kink activity lately. Hanging out in lingerie and a collar. Doing shibari just to chill on the couch. Getting lazily teased and played with and petted while watching a movie. Casual hair pulling and mild domination. Just put me on my knees and let me lean against you for a little while.
CASUAL KINK MY BELOVED