louder than god's revolver

Why do people ask "This is satire, right?" rather than just "this is a joke, right?". Not everything is satire. Satire requires having little goat feet. And my feet are notably fins.

batman developing an anti-beatboxing bomb collar to finally stop the joker once and for all

learn to associate cleaning with pride instead of shame and your quality of life will improve in ways you can't even imagine btw

like I'm sympathetic, it's hard work, it takes some degree of mental organisation and physical capacity that is not equally accessible to every human being on earth. I know. but regardless of how much you can do and how often, you will get better results across the board if you can frame it as positive effort towards a better situation instead of perpetually self flagellating for having the sin of being a solid thing in physical space that steadily accumulates dirt no matter what just like everything else on earth

my dog actually loves being shot in the head with 19th century european automatic handguns

Butch won’t be my companion. He’s like you’re too intense. You must’ve turned on that computer like 50 times in a row last time.

What’s really funny about lowering your karma this way is that after you do a major good Karma action and listen to the radio, the radio DJ Three Dog will be like this horrible fucker from vault 101 we all hate him so much you know that guy? He did another fucking thing. He saved a thousand orphans.