Ayana

my teeth were perfectly designed to tear abd rend the soft white flesh of the gentle beast known as the mozzarella

I told a guy his total was 13.21 and he said “wish it were that year, could actually get some good music on the radio”

breaking news from the AP, our boys on the front have just sacked constantinople. take that, heretics. coming up next are the soothing lute dirges of bing crosby

had anyone made this yet i need it

i often feel like a dog that's been tasked with paperwork

the paperwork is to put myself down

my cherios spelled out my exact address this morning but like what the gudge ever i gobbled those honey nut freaks up and licked the bowl too

oh my god it hurts

and it's going to hurt forever

i wasn't ready for that..lol

don't EVER let softcore gay porn convince you that it's okay to play sports. It's not okay to play sports

(walking down a street and not stepping in any needles, glass, rotten food, loose bags or bottles of piss) this whole damn place has gone to shit

Every time one of these publications mentions Mamdani I remember that time he got a bidet installed and they tried to make it sound like a huge problem for the mayor of New York to have a clean arse.

Men who talk shit about gold diggers underestimate the grit it takes to put up with an insufferable man, even when money is involved. We should be thanking them for their service like they are veterans.

you know how in greek myths people who die tragically sometimes get placed among the stars by the gods?

call that

call that a

Its okay, take your time

constellation prize

in my defense they did not specify the order in which i was allowed to take my time!

today I found out my mother doesn’t know what dandelions are and now I’m wondering what other strange secrets she’s been quietly harboring

Where do you live that you don’t have dandelions?

we have dandelions EVERYWHERE, they are basically our State Weed, it is absolutely impossible that my mom has never interacted with a dandelion before, this requires further investigation

See, folks in the southern US will tell you up and down those are buttercups, actually.

Wait I thought those bigger cup ones were Easter Lillies???

They’re marigolds and I know a bitch when I see one!

….we need to start taking the phrase “go touch grass” more literally. go outside and examine a flower i beg u

*squints* is that a motherfucking EVENING PRIMROSE?!??

#amazing work everyone hit the flowers

little miss normal didn't hear what the group was talking about because she hasn't stopped reminiscing internally about how good it felt when she successfully managed to say her joke at the right time to make everyone laugh 30 minutes ago