Archie has nightmares about his time at the trenches in Verdun, when he wasnât able to save one of his soldiers. World War I has been hard on Archie.
World War I has been hard on Eric as well, whoâs taken to sleep-walking(?) with his loaded rifle. No wonder Jughead lives at the garage.
Uncle Frank has the brilliant idea to get Archie and Eric a dog as a therapy pet. Except this is Riverdale, so the dog, too, has trauma.
Itâs not only young women who have gone missing in Riverdale but also canines: there is an illegal dog fighting ring that no one knows where it is. The Three Army Buddies find it nevertheless and take it down. Iâm breathless with how many times Archie has saved this town.
Archie will now take care of a hundred and one dogs. Not Dalmatians though, which is a pity, because that would have worked so well with his firefighter plot line. Toffee is rolling on the floor laughing.
In a completely unexpected turn of events, season 5 being a new show and everything, Veronica decides to go after her fatherâs business. She recruits Reggie, who just wants to work for a Lodge really. Maybe now Smithers will be allowed to retire?
âSoDale is a scam?!â asks outraged one of the investors, who hasnât bothered to check on his investment before Ronnie called him.
You catch more flies with honey than vinegar, unless youâre the She-Wolf of Wall Street, in which case you apply reverse psychology i.e. condescension. Itâs not surprising that it works. I mean, these were Hiramâs investors to begin with.
FabergĂŠ only made about 69 eggs, but his cousin GlamergĂŠ must have made much more, because Veronica is giving them away like candy to her clients. I just wish one of the writers had googled a FabergĂŠ eggâs price. Oh, well.
Riverdale High is still doing distance learning. Or maybe not. I mean, Kevin was there but I didnât see any students in attendance.
Kevin is named teacher of the year, probably because heâs the only person that has ever taught drama, debate, biology, gym and sex-ed in the span of a single year. I bet this was Mrs Bellâs doing (both the scheduling and the accolade).
Ever since Archie & co started teaching, heâs been left with too much free time to make (new) bad decisions, including asking ex-gaslighting girlfriend Cheryl for relationship advice.
When he goes over at Fangsâ to ask for clemency, he catches his ex having wine and cheese with his other ex, i.e. his exâs exâs ex. As Cheryl exclaimed: That is diabolical.
The maths is too hard for him so he joins a new cult.
Riverdale is the only show where becoming the art director for a cult led by a convicted serial killer is considered a step-up from being a teacher.
Some people collect butterflies. Betty collects serial killers. Much like with the butterflies, she insists on catching them on her own.
She has now quit the FBI but since no one has asked her to hand over her bureau-issued gear, she still has her badge, her gun and a collection of FBI jackets to give her accomplices friends. This is consistent with the FBI forgetting to pack up their Riverdale field office for 7 years.
Glen makes an appearance to request Bettyâs badge -but not her gun or jacket(s). Heâs probably still pissed that Betty stabbed him and got away with it but he was the one researching her serial killer genes, so heâs got no excuse for not having been prepared.
After their successful team-up in 5x11, where they lost both Jughead and his manuscript, Betty and Tabitha collaborate again to track down The Lonely Highway Killer (LHK) by first luring him to Popâs with sexy dancing.
It is a wonder that LHK hasnât been caught yet as he travels with blood all over his truck. It is also a wonder that he managed to kill anybody, because apparently his pick-up line is âI like to watch people die, will you excuse me just a sec to go grab my chainsaw?â or something to that effect.
Betty turns her back to a serial killer for one second (this is premium FBI training stuff) and he (momentarily) disappears. No manners at all.Â
LHK and Betty have a show-down, him with his chainsaw, Betty with her trusty spanner. Unlike Glen, LHK hasnât done research on the Cooper/Smith serial killer genes and, thus, doesnât stand a chance.
Tabitha wants to hand him over to the FBI. Tabitha is new to the show.
Taking into consideration Glenâs general incompetence, Iâm with Betty on this one.
Toffee is on a self-exploration journey at Llasa visiting the Jokhang temple. Sheâs not coming back until Archie has his dogs under control.
One down, six more opportunities for Cheryl to burst into song.
