something i find so interesting about maomao's dislike of lakan is that it seems to be fueled by resentment over the traits he has and she covets but doesn't have herself, both good and bad
maomoa is painfully aware of hierarchy and power dynamics and she allows them to restrict her feelings and actions even in circumstances where it's clear an exception is being made for her
lakan ignores them entirely. he marries an old syphilis ridden courtesan and boasts about it, he's so in love with her and proud of her and he doesn't care what others think or what they say about it. he claims maomao as his despite her being a child had out of wedlock with a courtesan without his knowledge. he respects and cares for luomen despite his status as both a eunuch and criminal and shows him deference. he loses his temper with jinshi despite knowing exactly what his status is and what he could do to them - it's his son that pulls him back be reminding him of the consequences he'll face, because he knows his father can't be reigned in by consequences to himself since he just doesn't give a shit about things like that
maomao wants to be detached and logical and stay out of things that don't concern her, but she cares too much and will get herself in trouble, over and over, instead of staying out of it
lakan is detached and logical. he cares deeply for those people that are important to him and is a loyal subject of the emperor, but he has no problems letting pieces fall around him if it doesn't serve his best interests to interfere. in ways this callousness makes him a worse person, but maomao strives to be able to interact with the world that way and consistently fails to do so
maomao is unable to be honest about her feelings with others and many times refuses to even acknowledge them herself
lakan is completely unabashed with his feelings. he never hid his love for fengxian despite their stations. he's clear about his feelings for maomao, to the point that many in the palace are aware she's his daughter, and speaks proudly of this family that others would hide away. he shows deference to luomen, a form of affection in obedience from younger generation to older despite their stations no longer requiring him to do so. he's physically affectionate towards and admires lahan. he's sweet to meimei and she's fond of him in return, to the point that not only had maomao wanted him to buy her, but meimei had been willing to be bought by him, despite rejecting the idea of being bought by others. he doesn't bother to hide his positive feelings at all and barely bothers to restrain the negative ones, and only if there's something in it for him
maomao fears being wrong and the consequences it could have and has been taught by luomen to never speak about something she's not sure about. she eventually becomes comfortable enough with jinshi and others in the rear palace to voice things she's not totally sure of, but it's a constant struggle for her and she's always aware of what could happen if she's wrong
lakan trusts himself. he's very intelligent and calculating, but he doesn't have the same evidence seeking, logical mind that his uncle and daughter have and he doesn't try to. he just has exceptionally good instincts and uses them to devastating effect. he didn't have any of the same clues maomao did regarding the ritual being sabotaged, but he was there because he had a gut instinct that something was going to go wrong. lakan doesn't need overwhelming evidence to make a call or decide on a course of action, he just trusts himself
i think this is the thing that maomoa hates most of all
she doesn't trust herself at all. luomen doesn't either, and despite maomao's clear admiration, it's likely luomen's refusal to speak on something without irrefutable evidence is what caused him to be thrown out of the rear palace. i find it highly unlikely that he wouldn't have noticed that jinshi and the late emperor's second son were switched, but he might have lacked concrete evidence, and conjecture shouldn't be spoken out loud. yet despite having this philosophy and instilling it within maomao, luomen trusts lakan's instincts
the only thing even slightly critical maomao thinks about her father is her disdain for the fact he has nothing bad to say about lakan. despite lakan operating in a manner completely different than him, on an entirely different set of rules, luomen admires his abilities as a strategist without reservation
maomao craves that same admiration from luomen. she wants to be able to give in to her feelings for jinshi without worrying about the status between them. she wants to be able to articulate her feelings at all. she wants to be able to hold back from making risky calls when her emotions get the better of her. she wants, in the simplest and completest of terms, to be able to trust herself
but lakan trusts himself easily, completely, and never back down from it
it makes lakan senseless and contradictory and impossible and she can't stand dealing with him because he has so many things she wants and doesn't have. and lakan would give her anything, but he can't give her this
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