Friendly Neighborhood Demon

straight vodka is like, the presence of ilya’s father. i figured this out by stewing for months over why ilya reacts borderline negatively to david saying he tries to get the russian stuff

"they are fictional characters we can ship whatever we want" so these characters are based on romance books, that don't include love triangles and have two main characters in each. These specific characters have two books with each other and not ONCE they have thought to be with another person outside one another after they realised they are in love. When you are watching a romcom, you are not shipping the two lead characters with other people than each other, that's the whole fucking point! So yeah i do think if you genuinely ship any other man or woman with Shane and Ilya, you are an idiot that doesn't understand how the romance genre works. And you should probably not engage with the Shane and Ilya are in love show 🫶

i have my issues with andy weir but during an interview he did he gave a piece of writing advice that i have never heard any other writer talk about where he basically was like “when you’re writing something, you’re probably going to want to show people bits of it while it’s still in progress because you’re excited but DON’T DO THIS because you’ll lose motivation to keep writing it. no matter how bad you want to show it off, wait until it’s complete” and i know this doesn’t apply to everyone but i have ALWAYS struggled with that. i literally cannot show anyone my WIPs because the air of mystery surrounding it goes away and the anticipation for it is gone so i completely lose interest in writing it

Okay and what if I said Shane and Ilya have a game where Ilya points at different objects and says do you think we could make it fit [inside your asshole] which devolves just into Ilya looking at an object for a second too long and Shane going OBVIOUSLY NOT ILYA . This game goes on for a very long time.

can of ginger ale (unadvisable, but sure) aubergine (yeahhh) a cantaloupe (can we steer clear off foods, ilya, we’re not doing that again) pool noodle (i guess) hockey stick (i mean obviously not the whole thing) this vase (halfway, yeah, but im not sure if the ceramics would hold, no ilya, we’re not gonna try) a lava lamp at ikea (do you think you could see the light through my skin and muscle?) a log of wood at a fireplace (physically, yes, but i don’t think i’d enjoy that very much) a greek vase at a museum they visited during their honeymoon (jesus fucking christ ilya) a fire hydrant (what the fuck is wrong with you?) beluga gold line (oh for sure yeah yeah yeah) 5 minutes later (so um totally unrelated to our previous conversation, we should go home now please)

Once Perry the Platypus made a little sneeze during Doofenshmirtz's monologue and it was so cute he lost his train of thought

sorry i was so weird but you invoked a topic i am incapable of being normal about