a smooth bird flies better

I'm being decapitated with a broadsword at dawn for all of the extremely problematic things I've been saying in the reviews section on allrecipes.com

does anyone know if we have to feel really guilty tomorrow

A pizza might save you. A burger might save you. We're not sure any more. We haven't known for a long time

viciously and fatally attacked by an unknown animal at Claire’s

that was no animal, that was Claire herself

the claire witch project

Father John Yogurt was defrocked from the clergy today for being asexual, following a papal ruling that "vows of chastity don't count without temptation." The Pope later commented "You gotta have that dog in you"

as the world’s first reverse solipsist I believe that everyone has a vibrant internal life except me, as I am a stimulus-response machine like the sort described by Pavlov and Skinner

accidentally searched “is parmesan fond of me” because I was thinking about my friends at the same time as grocery shopping. now I need to know. is parmesan fond of me. how would parmesan rate my grating technique

consider, after all: he is from the ruins

i actually think everyone besides me is a real person with interiority and their own thoughts and goals

been thinking of this theory for a while

you’re just jealous my blood is all over the floor and yours is stuck inside your body