Bees????

say what u want about the manscaped ads I know they are shit, all of them but the “evil, sinister, malcontent, balls” one puts me into fucking hysterics actually

the miracle of life

sorry but if your bed isn’t against at least one wall you’re not valid

A single person’s bed is generally against 2 walls, a couple’s bed is generally against 1 wall, and people with 0 walls have no fear of the dark/unseen with direct access to their head, and therefore cannot be human.

ok the bed just out in the middle of the room is bad but have you considered: only the footboard end against a wall

no i hadn’t. why would you put that image into my head?

I’m at a loss for words

STay out of my study unless you intend to have sex with me

“the everything”

maidens if you are going to flee dramatically from my castle in the middle of the night once i reveal my true nature to you please leave your candelabra on the little ledge by the portcullis we are running out of them

starting to think these maidens are stumbling in soaked through from the rain just to steal my beautiful gowns and homewear are any of you actually lost

At the checkout in Home Goods loading the belt with nothing but candelabras in all shapes & sizes while the cashier watches sympathetically and asks if it’s the maidens again

“get the fries, you’ll need the energy in the coming days”

Cmon man

there are more weird small brown mammals than you could ever ever imagine

you look like the kinda girl who'd open up ms paint back in the day select the spray paint tool and click and hold to watch it slowly turn into a perfect circle

I’d honestly be scared as fuck if a bunch of basic shapes came floating towards me. Yellow Prism. Red Sphere? Fuck that.

You are really gonna freak out when I tell you about the sun

The Sun's fine as long as it stays over there

girl shocked to discover that inaction can have consequences too

well its been nice talking, ill be in touching with you soon. i mean ill touch you in soon. fuck. i mean soon ill be touching in you. i mean keep in touching me. i mean ill be touch with you in it. Actually fuck it