Doppelgänger Leaverite

“when i was little” brother you are 5’3. so you must mean yesterday. or five minutes ago.

“i'll be there shortly” yeah. we know.

my first words were silhouette and gauche.

i like how apples are like. the default object

there r so many emojis i always stumble across something like 🗜 and i think who the HELL would ever use this emoji. and then i think abt some guy who probably works w those things all the time n hes so happy he can use this emoji. and im happy for him

every 5th building should be a free library or art museum and people should have to travel from across the earth to visit the world's only starbucks

Long Nose Oarfish at McDonald’s

I just mowed my 88 year old papas lawn and when i came back inside he lifted my arm to reveal a bug that was attempting to hitchhike into the house. At which point he said "you will NEVER escape my garden." And flicked it back into the grass

Garden of Eden Good Ending AU

I wish humans had monkey tails (most likely tail we'd have ngl) because it would be so cute. There's an alternate world out there where people are dying their tails and buzzing patterns into them and getting tail accessories and tail piercings. God could you imagine