congraturaisins

Attention male lovers:Its ok to beat me with a hammer until i dont move anymore

made homemade bagels for work and brought them in all hot and crispy and no one’s eaten any of them except for me so here are the remaining ones for you guys 🥯🥯🥯🥯 <- these are the cinnamon roll bagels 🥯🥯🥯<- these are the scallion pancake bagels but there’s only three bc i ate one

wow dude jts so awesome that your car is loud as fuck and smells worse when it drives past. thags fucking epic man. i really like how it hurts to listen to you drive past and it scares people. thats awesome man. i really like your car that makes a loud as fuck fart sound. fucking epic dude

tumblr kinda lives in a weird paradox where lemon demon is cringe drivel but neil cicierega is cool and respected

craziest thing in the world is how many restaurants have started not including fries or any side whatsoever with their burgers meanwhile the burgers cost the downpayment on a new car. you want $19 for a fucking sandwich and you aint gonna give me even a scoop of coleslaw on the side? you’ve truly lost your fucking mind. i’m filing a class action lawsuit atp

My cat is emotionally abusive towards me

He is a misogynist he used to hit me

[video ID: an orange tabby cat lies next to a plasma ball. Voice 1: "yeah?" Voice 2: "[inaudible name] touch it" hand reaches into frame and touches the plasma ball, causing lightning effect. Cat is visibly curious. Hand pulls out of frame. Cat investigates and sniffs at plasma ball. Voice 2: [giggles] "he's tapping his nose." Cat sits up and, clearly mimicking the human's action, pokes and then places his paw on the plasma orb, creating a lightning effect which outlines his paw pads against the glass. Voice 2: [suppressed laughter] "you can perfectly see the little beans!" Cat removes paw from orb, sits back, and sniffs curiously in the air. Voice 2: [through laughter] "oh my fucking god" Voice 1: "that's the best thing I've ever seen." Cat reaches to sniff off screen. Voice 2: "oh now he's just going to eat my lamp." End video ID]

Quick correction! The cat wasn't reaching to sniff off-screen. It was sniffing the translucent ends of an LED lamp :)