being an eldest daughter means everything is your fault. my laptop that i paid for dying on me and then in tears trying to get it sorted is my fault and means my father will yell at me like i am 7 not 23 like i am.
being an eldest daughter means that making decisions about my own life gives me an insurmountable amount of anxiety. where i made a decision to continue my studies to a PhD level and yet i feel like im making the biggest mistake of my life.
being the eldest daughter means i help my brother apply for university. i start his applications, i print and get his documents signed, i upload all documents. and my parents sit back and watch because "we've never applied, you have the knowledge". why does it fall to me to make sure my brother gets into university. why does it fall to me to raise a child I didn't have.
being an eldest daughter means moving away from home but still being expected to assist with the youngest's applications and studies. you'll never escape the pressure .
being the eldest daughter means getting criticized when you visit home on your weight, your skin, your eating habits. but no support on how to manage stress, no support on looking after the child they had but you had to raise.
being an eldest daughter means crying yourself to sleep and having panic attacks nightly because of the stress you carry having to be the one holding your family together.
being an eldest daughter means i don't know how to talk to anyone about the stress i feel or how to ask for help in going forward. i need help, i feel like im not coping but im not allowed to be not coping so i have to figure it out.
because being the eldest daughter, no one is coming to save me.
















