Beware of Italics

CHAPTER THIRTY NINE

She must write a note. The imp in the back of her mind laughed. In every story she had ever read when a runaway wife decamped from home she left a note, generally on the pin-cushion.

Okay soooo….what stories were these?? I’m guessing, the novels she read since marrying Barney? Because I cannot see her ever being allowed to read anything like this living with the Stirlings.

The page on top bore the title Wild Honey, and under the title were the words, ‘by John Foster’.

Yeah, thirteen-year-old me never saw that one coming.

Valancy was not excited. She had absorbed all the shocks and sensations that she could compass for one day. This affected her neither one way nor the other. She only thought:

“So this explains it.”

….and then…

“Not out yet. Won’t be out till next week.”

Valancy had opened her lips to say, “Oh, yes, it is out,” but closed them again.

So Barney gave her an early copy of his book, huh? First reader/critic…and she didn’t even know it…

It was very cold and stiff, she knew.

Valancy. That is the world’s most understatement-y understatement. You can’t write something like ‘I will do it gladly, if your lawyer will let me know’, and then go oh yeah, it was a bit cold and stiff.

*slams forehead against the desk*

(imagine if he’d come home then and found her in there, writing that??)

She didn’t know what torrent of wild incoherences and passionate anguish might pour out.

I imagine it’d be like one of Charlotte Bronte’s letters to Monsieur Heger.

On it she laid the string of pearls. If they had been the beads she believed them she would have kept them in memory of that wonderful year. But she could not keep the fifteen thousand dollar gift of a man who had married her of pity and whom she was now leaving.

VALANCY, EXAMINE YOUR THOUGHT PROCESSES. HE SPENT FIFTEEN. THOUSAND. DOLLARS. ON YOU (AND INADVERTENTLY BLEW HIS COVER), I THINK YOU’RE PRETTY IMPORTANT TO HIM.

It hurt her to give up her pretty bauble. That was an odd thing, she reflected.

It’s not odd at all, to me. She always thought it was something valuable only because of sentiment. Turns out it’s worth more than the Stirlings could ever possibly dream of (probably).

The rain had not yet come, but the sky was dark, and Mistawis grey and sullen. The little house under the pines looked very pathetic - a casket rifled of its jewels - a lamp with its flame blown out.

...

Bernie was always a secretive young devil. Never understood him. Just like his poor mother.

Back in chapter 25 I was wondering if Valancy had a backup plan in case Barney said no to her proposal, and this chapter is making me think she didn't - she's so certain now that her only option is to go back to her mother's house. (To be fair, she is in a state of overwhelm and shock and not thinking clearly. But she has other options!)

I enjoy the descriptions of Dr. Redfern. Yes he's a bit ridiculous, but he's kind and he's very unashamedly himself (none of that Stirling hypocrisy!) And despite his wealth, he doesn't seem snobby.

"Sit down, dear. Never stand when you can sit."

My motto these days

Everything was the same. Nothing was the same. It was a hundred years since yesterday. Yesterday, at this time, she and Barney had been eating a belated dinner here with laughter. Laughter? Valancy felt that she had done with laughter forever. And with tears, for that matter. She had no further use for either of them.

She was thankful she no longer felt very bad. When you are bludgeoned on the head repeatedly, you naturally and mercifully become more or less insensible and stupid.

Poor Valancy.

Hoo boy are things HAPPENING.

I wonder if the "My wife has the fever" song is an allusion to the Spanish Flu, which like WWI both does not exist but also left an impact on the world? ~stares at modern post-pandemic literature~

She made a covenant with death and death had cheated her. Metal as fuck line of all time. Of course, then it's followed by She had had one draught from a divine cup and now it was dashed from her lips. (I can imagine Emily Byrd Starr writing that line and then kicking her heels in glee).

Somehow I did not think that they had purple cars in the 1920s. I mean, maybe they didn't, but they could have, or at least the idea of them existed.

I think I want a Blue Castle movie just for the scene of every bottle of Redfern's she has ever used flashing before Valancy's eyes. Preferably accompanied by an overlapping voiceover saying the names and slogans of all of them.

Valancy meeting Dr. Redfern: Sure, this may as well happen. Why the fuck not.

(What's next? John Foster?)

But it's also absolutely wild that they actually get along? And he even likes the cats? I was expecting a pompous little quack - and he's not not that, I guess, and it's obvious why Barney hates him, but he's being genuinely nice to Valancy considering she's his surprise daughter-in-law.

And finally the Tragic Backstory!

Also - fifteen thousand dollars for pearls? in nineteen twenty-something? Valancy asks for something silly and frivolous and he decides on a fifteen thousand dollar pearl necklace? BARNEY.

(Actually, I kind of like that the 15k pearls aren't a clue that he likes her, because it's not the money that's important, it's that Valancy likes it. So Valancy is all whatever, he's rich, he can afford to spend a third of his savings account on fucking pearls because he feels sorry for a dying woman.)

This is exactly the sort of folklore rabbithole I love going down! The gauntlet has been thrown!

Here is a version of the song from the Max Hunter folk song collection at Mississippi State:

Some references claim parts of the song go back as far as 1672: https://mainlynorfolk.info/folk/songs/iwishiwassingleagain.html

It's not in the Child Ballad Index but there are a lot of listings in the Roud Index including

one from 1904 https://archives.vwml.org/record/RoudFS/S209173

one from 1911: https://archives.vwml.org/songs/RoudFS/S148650

and one from 1927: https://archives.vwml.org/songs/RoudFS/S179017

Hoo boy are things HAPPENING.

I wonder if the "My wife has the fever" song is an allusion to the Spanish Flu, which like WWI both does not exist but also left an impact on the world? ~stares at modern post-pandemic literature~

She made a covenant with death and death had cheated her. Metal as fuck line of all time. Of course, then it's followed by She had had one draught from a divine cup and now it was dashed from her lips. (I can imagine Emily Byrd Starr writing that line and then kicking her heels in glee).

Somehow I did not think that they had purple cars in the 1920s. I mean, maybe they didn't, but they could have, or at least the idea of them existed.

I think I want a Blue Castle movie just for the scene of every bottle of Redfern's she has ever used flashing before Valancy's eyes. Preferably accompanied by an overlapping voiceover saying the names and slogans of all of them.

Valancy meeting Dr. Redfern: Sure, this may as well happen. Why the fuck not.

(What's next? John Foster?)

But it's also absolutely wild that they actually get along? And he even likes the cats? I was expecting a pompous little quack - and he's not not that, I guess, and it's obvious why Barney hates him, but he's being genuinely nice to Valancy considering she's his surprise daughter-in-law.

And finally the Tragic Backstory!

Also - fifteen thousand dollars for pearls? in nineteen twenty-something? Valancy asks for something silly and frivolous and he decides on a fifteen thousand dollar pearl necklace? BARNEY.

(Actually, I kind of like that the 15k pearls aren't a clue that he likes her, because it's not the money that's important, it's that Valancy likes it. So Valancy is all whatever, he's rich, he can afford to spend a third of his savings account on fucking pearls because he feels sorry for a dying woman.)

Barney: What would you like for Christmas?

Valancy: I would like something frivolous and unnecessary.

Barney: Here is a piece of jewelry that could buy you....

This imaginary dialogue stymied me, because the only equivalent prices I could come up with are for real estate, and the proportional inflation on real estate hadn't happened yet then, so the simile doesn't work. Like, now, $200K could buy you a small modest house in a small, not posh town or rural area, or like a studio or maybe 1 bedroom condo in a mid-range city, or like a down payment on a mid-range house in a mid-range city. (I'm not going near the posh cities like Seattle and San Francisco bc those guys can just yeet themselves into the ocean or the fault line and make property values normalize as soon as will be for all I care.) But I promise that the equivalent real estate in the 20s did not cost $15K.

So. Let's try this again.

Barney: What would you like for Christmas?

Valancy: I would like something frivolous and unnecessary.

What a chapter!

Give LMM a posthumous prize for best comedy writing. But boooy, I do feel for Valancy.

I didn't mention it in my post yesterday but I wondered how Valancy got to Deerwood. We're only told she took a motor boat to the mainland but not how she got from there to Dr Trent's--presumably she walked but it must have been quite a trek (there were no buses, I take it). Now we know. She walked. I like the little detail of the passing car with the singing passengers; the choice of the song being too, of course.

I'd tell Valancy that she had not 'trapped Barney into marriage', but obviously I'm not there. The author has some sort of obsession with the phrase. I will not mention that book again. I will not mention that book again. I WILL NOT MENTION THAT BOOK AGAIN. (Not till the next chapter. Or the one after it.)

And divorce was so hard to get in Ontario. So expensive. And Barney was poor.

Hang on, was he not supposed to be a thief or?

With life, fear had come back into her heart. Sickening fear. Fear of what Barney would think. Would say. Fear of the future that must be lived without him. Fear of her insulted, repudiated clan.

Have you forgotten John Foster, Valancy? Remember John Foster.

There's some outstanding prose here. Draught from a divine cup. Spoiled, smirched, defaced. Beautiful death, sordid life. However I can't say I agree with it. Valancy, though, can't think any other way, I suppose. (Whatever happens now, I still think she should look back at that year with gratitude. She lived it. *shrug*)

All that mattered now was that Barney must somehow be made to believe she had not consciously tricked him.

There she goes again with that phrasing. Stop it, stop it, stop IT, stopitttttt.

What follows is one of the most comical writings I've ever come across. Everything about it--the shiny 'Vere de Vere' car, the haughty chauffeur in livery, the comically dressed comical man, it is so deliciously, beautifully, absurdly funny.

What I remember from reading this book for the first time--as I said before, this would've been be more than two decades ago--is being surprised. Dr Redfern is actually real? You see, I thought he was a made up figure, like Mr Clean or something (in my country he's Mr Proper). I know products are named after people who create them, but with the way he was described, I thought he was a mascot. Just. Comical, you know.

“Yes, I understand Bernie’s been calling himself Snaith."

Oh please, no, I can handle Barney, I got used to the name and can't imagine him being anything else. But not Bernie, please NO.

Bernard Snaith Redfern—that’s him.

And so we have the identity of our romantic hero. No Bluebeard or jailbird or fugitive, but the son of Dr Redfern.

"Miss, you can tell me how to get over to that island?"

Have you tried a boat?

"Nobody seems to be home there. I’ve done some waving and yelling. Henry, there, wouldn’t yell. He’s a one-job man. But old Doc Redfern can yell with the best of them yet, and ain’t above doing it. Raised nothing but a couple of crows. Guess Bernie’s out for the day."

Three cheers for Henry the chauffeur! I'm adding him to the list of quiet heroes.

Can you imagine the comical figure of Dr Redfern waving and yelling? Helloooooo, is anyone there? Some of you talented people, please make a fanart of it. Please PLEASE.

In the back of her mind the aforesaid little imp was jeeringly repeating a silly old proverb, “It never rains but it pours.”

The little imp has long left the back of your mind, Valancy. It's taken over the narrative.

Hi there, Mr Imp. Welcome to the book club, sit down, have a cup of tea.

And then Valancy says, uhm actually, I'm his wife and Dr Redfern takes off his hat and mops his brow with a YELLOW handkerchief, Lucy MAUD you're killing me. (I'm avoiding quoting too much from the chapter as the recap is long enough as it is.)

“Excuse me,” said Dr. Redfern. “This is a bit of a shock.” “Shocks seem to be in the air this morning.” The imp said this out loud before Valancy could prevent it.

A biscuit with your tea, Mr Imp?

Come to think of it, they all could do with a cup of tea (I've been living in England for too long lol). Especially poor Henry.

He might have let me know. I’d have got acquainted with my daughter-in-law before this if he had. But I’m glad to meet you now, my dear—very glad. You look like a sensible young woman. 

This is quite nice, actually? The Stirling types would interrogate her about her pedigree, but he's just like. You're okay.

"They were all after him, of course. Wanted his money? Eh? Didn’t like the pills and the bitters but liked the dollars. Eh? Wanted to dip their pretty little fingers in old Doc’s millions. Eh?”

Oh goody, let's not do this, please. Please not that 'gold digger' shit, please, nononono.

Okay I will just fly through the rest as this is getting too long.

So we have the reason for Barney's baggage with money and why he went away. Valancy thought of all sorts of scenarios, joked about Bluebeard's brides--yet it never occurred to her that he might have had an unhappy love affair. It didn't occur to me either, so I'm not the one to talk. (Maybe if I had read the book older, it would have, simply due to having had more experience with both life and reading books.)

Future warning for Chapter 42. You will not like what I will have to say, so just keep that in mind. There will be no villainisation of Ethel from me.

I should say something with regards to the lack of data protection, but I suppose it didn't exist then (not the way we know it now) and anyway, these people all know each other. Of course it was easy for someone like Dr Redfern to trace his son from the purchase of the necklace.

Some pretty decent sherlocking there, though, I give him that.

Valancy was fingering her necklace. She was wearing fifteen thousand dollars around her neck. And she had worried lest Barney had paid fifteen dollars for it and couldn’t afford it. Suddenly she laughed in Dr. Redfern’s face. “Excuse me. It’s so—amusing,” said poor Valancy.

Indeed.

And then. Sigh.

“Did Ethel Traverse ever marry?” queried Valancy irrelevantly.

Valancy. Honey. Barney has not seen her for ELEVEN years. His father here just literally accepted you as his wife, without interrogating you about your grandmother's maiden name, and even trusts you enough to ask you to get him to come back to civilisation. He is rather tactless, but that goes with his personality. But he's also like, well, you look alright, my daughter in law, come to Montreal.

Her old insecurity is back with a vengeance.

It's so funny that Dr Redfern suffers with rheumatism. Get him and Stickles together.

He was rather dreadful and loud—and—and—dreadful. But there was something about him she liked.

Could it be bc he was authentic? Her old life was filled with fakeness and performativity of the Stirling clan. Her breaking away from them came from gaining the courage to be herself. The people she was drawn to--Abel, Cissy and Barney--were not afraid to be themselves. Abel gives no fucks, Cissy rejected her baby daddy's proposal bc she knew he didn't love her, she chose a ruined reputation over living a lie. And Barney, of course, living on his own terms. Dr Redfern doesn't pretend--he is ridiculous but that is how he is.

She stood briefly like a faded flower bitten by frost, by the hearth, looking down on the white ashes of the last fire that had blazed in the Blue Castle.

Sad, but beautifully written.

“At any rate,” she thought wearily, “Barney isn’t poor. He will be able to afford a divorce. Quite nicely.”

Yes but. Maybe you should get that rolling pin ready. Where the hell is he?

Hoo boy are things HAPPENING.

I wonder if the "My wife has the fever" song is an allusion to the Spanish Flu, which like WWI both does not exist but also left an impact on the world? ~stares at modern post-pandemic literature~

She made a covenant with death and death had cheated her. Metal as fuck line of all time. Of course, then it's followed by She had had one draught from a divine cup and now it was dashed from her lips. (I can imagine Emily Byrd Starr writing that line and then kicking her heels in glee).

Somehow I did not think that they had purple cars in the 1920s. I mean, maybe they didn't, but they could have, or at least the idea of them existed.

I think I want a Blue Castle movie just for the scene of every bottle of Redfern's she has ever used flashing before Valancy's eyes. Preferably accompanied by an overlapping voiceover saying the names and slogans of all of them.

Valancy meeting Dr. Redfern: Sure, this may as well happen. Why the fuck not.

(What's next? John Foster?)

But it's also absolutely wild that they actually get along? And he even likes the cats? I was expecting a pompous little quack - and he's not not that, I guess, and it's obvious why Barney hates him, but he's being genuinely nice to Valancy considering she's his surprise daughter-in-law.

And finally the Tragic Backstory!

Also - fifteen thousand dollars for pearls? in nineteen twenty-something? Valancy asks for something silly and frivolous and he decides on a fifteen thousand dollar pearl necklace? BARNEY.

(Actually, I kind of like that the 15k pearls aren't a clue that he likes her, because it's not the money that's important, it's that Valancy likes it. So Valancy is all whatever, he's rich, he can afford to spend a third of his savings account on fucking pearls because he feels sorry for a dying woman.)