not a frequent user of social media. obsessively addicted to about four fandoms. ships rare or unfavoured pairings. oh, and suffers horribly from Writer's Disease. not hereditary, and completely incurable.
come chat with me about writing, dogs, cats, fandoms, baking, or...[static crackles]. I'm friendly and sarcastic π
(Also! I take fic requests...there's a link for my guidelines post in my intro)
okay, first of all, heya, and i'm "thedogbard" or "N". I'm socially awkward irl, someone who pretends to be an introvert to disguise my loneliness, and someone who is really good at random living-life shit and not so good at anything specific (like maths) (ugh).
i originally made a tumblr account to promote my fanfic magnum opus. so here it is:
But firstly I'd like to specify that I do NOT support JKR. I have owned the books for years, and before I got tumblr, in Sep 2025, I didn't actually know what she was doing. Almost all of the fanfic I've written was before that. Writing fanfic does not give the franchise profit, but it might give the author or reader a bit of happiness. Anyway, I'm trying not to write anything else for the HP/FB fandoms now, and I'm steering well clear of the HP show. I don't judge you if you're an HP fan as long as you don't support JKR, so please extend me the same courtesy.
December 1993. Newt Scamander appears in Hogwarts, clutching a battered suitcase, claiming to have just been duelling Grindelwald alongside Dumbledore - whoβs now aged by sixty years.
Lord Voldemort is on the rise. Dementors surround the school. A Muggleborn Slytherin witch is fighting to find a place in the Wizarding World.
And, well, Newtβs just sort of there.
Fully completed: a Newt Scamander x original female character story, spanning the events of the HP books. Posted weekly on ao3, quotev, fanfic.net, and wattpad.
I'm an incurable writer. Original stuff, fanfics, all kinds of sh*t. I also love reading, dogs, animals in general, baking, walking, and laughing at the random stuff my brain comes up with. I also have controversial ships. Live and let live, please.
Fandoms I'm in or love: Skulduggery Pleasant, Harry Potter/Fantastic Beasts, Lockwood & Co, Dr Strange (movies), Sherlock BBC (also ACD Sherlock, Mary Russell series, and Elementary), Day of the Jackal, The Aeronauts, Little Women...and possibly more? I've read all the Riordan books...
Individual books I love (and their fandoms): Jane Eyre, Tenant of Wildfell Hall, Villette, Shirley, (or anything by the Brontes), Emily's Ghost, The Blue Castle, Knights of the Borrowed Dark trilogy, The Lost World and The Poison Belt, I Capture The Castle, Little Women, and many more I can't think of right now. Little-kid-me demands that I also add A Little Princess and Coral Island to this list...
Music I love: Roxette, Taylor Swift, Adele, Emeli Sande, Enya, Dua Lipa, and some other select songs, like Money Run Low by The Score.
Songs I can't stop listening to that might well be a part of my DNA by now: Haunted, Miss Americana & The Heartbreak Prince, Listen To Your Heart, Anywhere Is, Getaway Car (my no.1 spotify wrapped this year, and i'm not ashamed), I Knew You Were Trouble, The Look, This Love, Wonderland, There's Nothing Holding Me Back, Blow Your Mind, The Wind and a bunch more. If you're a Swiftie, DM me your favourites. Let's agree and argue and have fun!
I am so emotionally mature for my age that I've been told I have the soul of a pensioner. It was a compliment and I'm taking it as such.
In one country I am tall, decent-looking, and socially funny. In another I'm average-heighted, average-looking, and averagely-funny. Which is weird for my esteem and opinion of myself. Whatever.
I'm not a very ambitious person. My great dream in life is to be an author. I'm also funny, weirdly knowledgeable about niche things, and addicted to chocolate. (It's becoming a problem).
Send me asks or interact! I'll send asks or interact in return - or random asks whenever I'm bored. I love meeting new people. Whoever, whatever you are, just so long as you're not a...Think of all the worst kinds of people. If you're not one of 'em, then hang out with me.
@the-archivist-system is my beloved adopted sibling and one of my best friends πΎ They're the only one who gets to call me Logios, because of this post!!β¨οΈ
Thank you to @dramatic1nlyf for this amazing moodboard!!!!
(right at the bottom, in uncertain small print...): if you want you can request a fic. Here's my "guideline" post.
Oh and I'm adding these posts here so I can never lose them because OHMYGOSH
AFJAFSGHHDAF THANK YOU @skeletal-spire-man-aka-overfit this literally made my YEAR
okay wait - @catastrophiccblues I'm also saving this here because it's too good to ever lose β¨οΈ
And lastly, here are song lyrics from songs that have stuck to me like glue, arranged to tell a vaguely coherent story.
Sometimes you wonder if this fight is worthwhile
Youβve got the words to change a nation but youβre biting your tongue
Something keeps me holding on to nothing
Who can say where the road goes, where the day flows?
And you know itβs never simple, never easy
Wasnβt it beautiful, running wild till you fell asleep?
Iβm only one, but not alone, my finest day is yet unknown
You go there, you're gone forever, I go there, I'll lose my way
God rest my soul, I miss who I used to be
I attend Christmas parties from outside
Itβs all fun and games til somebody loses their mind
Thereβs no comfort in the truth, pain is all that youβll find
I held that grudge till it tore me apart
Itβs the first time, the last time, we ever met
It's no surprise I turned you in, 'cause us traitors never win
You play stupid games, you win stupid prizes
And now theyβve broken you like theyβve broken me, but a shattered glass is a lot more sharp
And if Iβm on fire, youβll be made of ashes too
I pass it and lose track of what Iβm saying, cause thatβs where I was when I lost it all
Always learning everything the hard way
Some say illusions are her game
Donβt you worry folks, we took out all her teeth
And nobody comes to save you now, but you got something they don't
When the violence causes silence, we must be mistaken
I remember all of the things that I thought I wanted to be
When youβre young, you just run, but you come back to what you need
So, baby, can we dance, oh, through an avalanche?
You donβt need to save me, but would you run away with me?
Cause for a moment a band of thieves in ripped up jeans got to rule the world
"Don't you see the starlight, starlight? Don't you dream impossible things?"
Climbed right back up the cliff, long story short I survived
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once my friend made a drink he called turpentine that tasted like every worst college night out rolled into one and felt like getting whacked in the head with a hammer, and I woke up in my own apartment with my phone wallet keys clothes and absolutely zero memory of the night before, and when I checked my watch I'd walked over 60k steps.
60k steps in the middle of the night in heels for reasons entirely unknown to me. what was I doing. where did I go. where did I come from. cotton eye joe. or whatever.
people are theorizing what happened so here's what I know:
the club we went to closed at 2am and 45kish steps were after 2am, meaning I wasn't still dancing at the club. we got there at 11:30pm. I don't know when we left.
none of us had any charges on our cards or venmos after getting into the club and none of us were missing cash
we all woke up with all our things and no injuries except some bruises (to be expected from a night out)
I woke up smelling like salt water which would make me think I'd ended up in the ocean(??) except my hair was still straight, none of my things were water damaged, and I was completely dry
from our camera rolls we know we were all together until around 4am, but not where we were because they're all too dark to see, which is fucking weird because we live in a city with tons of lights all night
I didn't wake my roommates up when coming home, managed to take out my contacts, cooked mac n cheese, and passed out on the living room floor
me and everyone else who'd been wearing heels had crazy blisters
my friend found a bunch of rocks in his pockets
two of my guy friends were wearing each other's shirts when they woke up (in their separate apartments)
we all got back to our apartments around 6am which we know for a fact because we all texted pictures of ourselves being home safe to the group chat, so being unbelievably hammered didn't stop us from having enough common sense to make sure we were all okay
if we'd been able to sherlock holmes together what happened it'd just be a funny night out but the fact we all have no fucking clue means we have conspiracy theories about it. and we don't let my friend make turpentine anymore.
I just got described as an "ad hating commie" by someone because I said a minute of youtube ads is unpleasant. fully spent 5 minutes arguing and defending youtube ads. insane stuff
βIβm going to the Port.Will you go there with me?β
His eyes were teasing and there was a bit of defiance in his voiceβ¦
*puts on my David Attenborough voice* and here we see a Barney Snaith in its natural habitat, attempting friendly flirtation.
going at the rate of forty miles an hourβ¦
Which is about 65kph. And wow, that isΒ pretty fast. Especially in a residential area. Here, the limit is 50kph through populated areasβ¦
As for Mrs Frederick, she was wishing she knew how to go into hysterics.
A very telling line. If youβre genuinely hysterical you donβt have to βknow how to go into hystericsβ, do you?
And now every day was a gay adventure.
This feels like it should be the opening banner of a black-and-white movieβ¦
-an impulse born of a feeling pity for her and her starved little dreams. She was looking tired after a wakeful night with a heart attack, followed by a busy day. She had so little fun. Heβd give her an outing for once.
This is just Valancy sticking words in Barneyβs mouth and it doesnβt, at all, correlate with how he actually asks herβ¦
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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every once in a while i will feel a great pressure to exist, but then i just have to sit back and relax and remind myself 'oh wait, you already exist without even trying. GOOD JOB.' i think this realization can be a huge relief
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
β Live Streamingβ Interactive Chatβ Private Showsβ HD Quality
Anya is LIVE right now
FREE
Free to watch β’ No registration required β’ HD streaming
shipping a consensual, safe & sane pairing all the while i'm shaking my head in disapproval so the audience knows i still love wildly toxic abusive fictional dynamics
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
β Live Streamingβ Interactive Chatβ Private Showsβ HD Quality
Anya is LIVE right now
FREE
Free to watch β’ No registration required β’ HD streaming
Hate it when you're watching a show and you just KNOW something is gonna go wrong but you can't do anything about it because THEY'RE JUST LITTLE PICTURES IN A LIGHT BOX
