Krev

proud victim of the tumblr accent. it's fading out of public consciousness as the tik tok accent takes precedence; a linguistic evolution that makes the tumblr accent 85% funnier to unsuspecting civilians. it's like releasing a disease on a non-inoculated population. coughing baby versus hydrogen bomb.

im angry at myself for walking into that so perfectly

love the trope where an authoritative side character pointedly pretends not to help the hero they’re not supposed to be helping by saying shit like “well I can’t just let you wander around up to the THIRD FLOOR where you could just FIND THE THING YOU NEED in the FIRST ROOM ON THE LEFT. And under no circumstances should you USE THE KEY FROM UNDER THE MAT. I wish I could help you, but I CAN’T. Now excuse me, I need to take this phone call for the next 37 minutes EXACTLY.”

My doctor did that for me once. I had to get an expensive brain scan and she was like ‘do you smoke?’ and I was like ‘no’ and she was like “well that’s a pity because the government will pay for this expensive brain scan if you had been a smoker so - do you smoke?” 🤣🤣🤣 I was like ‘yes’ and she’s like ‘oh wow then this scan will be free’

oh my fuckning

UNMUTE THIS

Let's steal ourselves a secret good final episode.

kind of crazy that the sun is the closest thing we have to an unholy seething vortex of magical energy, a pulsating orb that is periodically ripped by screaming flares that lash us with incredible ferocity from a hundred million miles away, and we're like mmm what a nice day! 😊

one of my favorite Sun Facts is that if sound could be transmitted through the vacuum of space the intensity of sound power emitted from the sun that reached the earth would be roughly as intense a noise as a jet airplane taking off a couple hundred meters away. The Sun is really loud!

psych style adaptation of king arthur where everyone thinks merlin has magic because he keeps solving camelot’s problems but he actually has no magical ability at all and it’s just that everyone else is incompetent. he keeps up the magic thing though by making up weird prophecies and cryptic comments because he kind of needs a job

sir kay is the lassiter figure like so pissed off all the time that merlin is obviously lying and won’t stop interfering with his job, but arthur just kind of keeps merlin around because like yeah the magic thing is ridiculous…but somehow he still is solving everything and doing better than the actual people i hired (kay). so fine by me!

people keep saying this is just connecticut yankee NO. connecticut yankee kills the whimsy and the magic and says look isn’t it funny now? isn’t it funny to strip away the whimsy? no. we are keeping the whimsy. in this plot line magic is still very much real and a very useful skill to have in a royal advisor, one that’s highly sought after. it’s just that merlin doesn’t have it

real magician shows up to court and merlin is like im so fucked. desperately trying to take notes on what real magicians do the whole time. toward the end of the episode merlin realizes this guy is faking too and reveals him as a fraud to the whole court, of course in a way that confirms everyone’s belief that merlin does in fact have magical abilities. arthur is very pleased, patting merlin on the back. “wow I can’t believe he almost got away with that. it’s crazy how easy magic is to fake.” merlin smiles, sweating buckets. sir kay is staring daggers

God gives his hardest battles to his strongest soldiers and I'm dodging the draft

DW I know that one from heart if you need an explanation

Thanks tumblr user i-suggest-vore. I can always count on you for theological literacy wait is there a different reason you like this story

Instead of the Monkey’s Paw, you find the Clown’s Nose, which instead of granting your wish in the worst way possible will grant it in the funniest way.

Item: the Cursed Clown Nose. Obviously to use it you have to put it on and give it a honk

okay no hang on because assuming it takes half a second for each bill, this would in fact take over five days of nonstop bills

I feel so insane about ai. I've had face-to-face conversations with people who use it for therapy, who use it to calculate the safety of pill interactions, who use it for all their emails and grant applications and legal documents and academic papers and finance sheets and for every single question they have about the world, and if you tell them about the ecological costs they just laugh and say "I guess I've used a lot of water." and I've been in multiple gatherings of 10+ people where I'm THE ONLY PERSON who doesn't use chatgpt. it's turning me into a ranting raving pariah, because how don't you people see??? why don't you understand??????? this bullshit didn't exist five years ago, you absolutely do not need it, and it is destroying everything