Home of a Beetroot Goblin

i love writing out numbers and then putting them in parentheses like "one (1)" even when i dont need to i think its funny

the doctor told me aliens keep killing his companions so I asked how many companions he has and he says he just goes to earth and gets a new companion afterwards so i said it sounds like he's just feeding his companions to aliens and then he started crying

if i was a soccer player i'd simply kick that ball in the goal instead of wasting everyone's time

going through something that is insanely stressful and all-around shitty and having the thought, “huh, this is really narratively satisfying”

hey man i see the projector in your mind's eye casting the image of a beautiful self indulgent fantasy over my silhouette so i just wanted to remind you before you try any funny business that when its battery dies it's just going to be me here

Tump dies tonight while giving his speech in the hot hot sun. Like to charge, reblog to cast

this might be kind of a reach but is there a way for printers to connect to devices so that documents can be printed from them

job interviewer: would you be willing to destroy and betray yourself for nothing?

Training my nervous system to choose an unfamiliar heaven instead of a familiar hell

This isn't just for cults either! Shitty partners, bosses, friends - they all do variants of this where if you kick back the first time they make an unreasonable request, it proves you weren't ever committed since you'd let such a small thing ruin everything. And of course, if it's the third or the tenth unreasonable thing they ask of you, it's SUCH A SMALL THING to be a deal-breaker at this late point in your relationship!

You literally just have to get really good at continuing.

the worst part about having a modern phone is accidentally pressing some cheat-code-ass combination of buttons to bring up the inbuilt AI software, adding to the statistics and making some tech billionaire company freak think I actually want that bullshit

We haven’t discussed how poorly constructed St. Mystere’s tallest and seemingly ominous building was

my tea bag broke

Guy who is about to give birth to leafs

so many creatures putting SO much effort into putting ‘special’ fluids that TOTALLY aren’t water through every organ possible to clean them so they can use them again 2 seconds later. like why not simply sit on a damp substrate and pull water through your body by evaporating the extra out pores in your leaves lmaoooo

‘nooo nooo you don’t get it I need the big organ to run the fast firing nerves to run the machines that make the fluid go to work the big organ’. whatever chordate. lol

troubleshooting time: arid area, low on damp substrate. what do?

good question! you could try closing your leaf pores for a while until more appears… sometimes you can also put more tubes down and feel around until you find some. water comes from the opposite direction of the sun unless it doesn’t ❤️ glad I could help!!

omg useless advice from privileged mfs from wet climates as usual... bet you don't even use CAM.

ok first of all i checked your profile and of COURSE its all meadows, say youre a grass who does C4 without saying youre a grass who does C4 100% speedrun challenge. sorry i wasnt blessed with a whole separate sheath of cells for increasing photosynthetic efficiency and nothing else but some of us actually have to adapt and deal with the VERY REAL AND SEVERE effects of photorespiration... literally imagine having 30 foot deep roots posting this. second of all 'plants in wet climates are privileged' you can literally live in water and use CAM??? isoetes erasure per usual on this website, neglected by an angiosperm monocot no less. why am i not surprised

this is why I come to tumblr. Nowhere else could I get Botany Discourse