believe me, i'm a liar

hey, so are we on a “tu” basis or are we still pretty “vous”

The other day I politely returned the question “how are you doing?” at a driver who asked the same of me, and he replied “oh, you know, same soup just reheated” and I can’t stop thinking about that

like….not 2 get into this really but..freedom of speech means that the government can’t tell you what you can and can’t say. freedom of speech does not protect you from the social/private repercussions of your actions

furthermore: freedom of speech does not entitle you to a soapbox and a bullhorn. people don’t have to listen to you. they don’t have to give you a platform. you’re allowed to say what you want but no one is required to listen to you or help you say it.

I FOUND A PICTURE OF JOHN MULANEY IN COLLEGE AND??????? I CAN NOT BELIEVE THIS MAN DID COCAINE

this website is wildly out of control

tumblr is like wading through everyone else’s garbage until you find something good and go “ah. this is good” and take it and display it in your own garbage pile

Goblin Market

whenever i eat mushrooms i think about how one day mushrooms are gonna eat me… i make sure to chew really gently so they’ll return the favor 2 my corpse

Hey op

me, through a mouthful of gently-chewed mushrooms: yeah?

not sure whether to comment “that is a nice boulder” or “GET OUTTA MY SWAMP” because honestly both apply in this situation

THE BOULDER IS CONFLICTED. 

*in a horse accent* help

This is the horse equivalent of being lost in the sauce

astray in the hay!!!!!!!!

Butuals (bi mutuals) can you confirm

UnMute!

what if we called “flat” soda “flaccid” soda instead

hey, tandem?

I’m out for the evening

ok i’ll wait

Tandem, come home and face the horror you’ve created

no

that video of somebody putting makeup on an egg and somehow making that egg looks exactly like 89% of instagram just explains makeup culture more thoroughly than anyone on here ever could