oversized house plant

the tsa stops me because my carryon had too much liquid and they open it and its just full of blood

hi, frequent flyer here. they'll actually let you carry on up to 5 liters of blood as long as its in your vascular system

i don't have a vascular system this is the best i can do

by the way. it never is too late to decide you want to be happy. the woman who helped me get hormones didnt start hers until she was 70, and i met her at 73, beautiful and smiling - and told me that the last three years of her life had been her favorite. your favorites might be ahead of you too. why not hang around and find out?

my writing gland is purple and swollen

what's the dewey decimal number for foreskin. coward

prostrating myself at your feet for my lack of composure thank you for your wisdom

four noobs huddled around a campfire telling each other scary stories about the mad troller

*street shot of zohran mamdani clad in nasty lil suit and hard hat* five months ago i was elected mayor of new york city. in that time, we have managed to COMPLETELY defeat the Staten Island Minotaur at no additional cost to the new york taxpayer

it’s never a normal temperature anymore it’s always some fucking bullshit

I just made myself sick eating purple cookies

Neopets ass problem

it’s never a normal temperature anymore it’s always some fucking bullshit