welcome to your new home, freak

Nyra and Alicent this season: fuck them kids

are YOU frustrated by inefficiency of the current regime? Do you wish these two would tear each other’s offspring into meat chunks faster? Well lucky for you I’m canvassing door to door for a brand new candidate. You see, neither dance of the dragons nor the blackfyre rebellions would have happened under the Cersei Lannister administration because she would have had any child or bastard with a dragon not large enough to ride strangled the second Viserys bit it. He bore the sword? No! That was Cersei Lannister’s goldcloak waiting diligently by the playground. Yes that’s right, she is a leader so proactive she would have prevented the four civil wars and, as the faith demands, even the need for moon tea, all in one fell swoop. When you have a problem that could be prevented with murder don’t look for tired establishment politicians like Daemon who kinslay all of two kids just for appearances. You deserve a passionate candidate. You deserve a candidate who cares. About strangling bastards. Vote Cersei Lannister.

the next bit is even better:

CONNINGTON GLANCED INTO THE PIT. “THE BEAR WAS LESS HAIRY THAN THAT FREAK, I’LL—” JAIME’S GOLDEN HAND CRACKED HIM ACROSS THE MOUTH SO HARD THE OTHER KNIGHT WENT STUMBLING DOWN THE STEPS. HIS LANTERN FELL AND SMASHED, AND THE OIL SPREAD OUT, BURNING. “YOU ARE SPEAKING OF A HIGHBORN LADY, SER. CALL HER BY HER NAME. CALL HER BRIENNE.” CONNINGTON EDGED AWAY FROM THE SPREADING FLAMES ON HIS HANDS AND KNEES. “BRIENNE. IF IT PLEASE MY LORD.” HE SPAT A GLOB OF BLOOD AT JAIME’S FOOT. “BRIENNE THE BEAUTY.”