Bastion The Queericorn

ur just mad that i breached containment and u didn’t

how do i get a sfw sasuke big enough to oblitherate my entire dashboard

why did they have to specify sfw

Mobile Users experience a long boi

do you love the color of the sasuke

Well, which one is it going to be?

having the DMV area Craigslist bookmarked has never come in handy before but now

Update, Craigslist has flagged my post as inappropriate.

My wife has now read this and wonders how baby gays are even meeting and mating

Can confirm I am meeting and mating just fine 😂

By the way I’m in a relationship with this woman now

This is the feedback I’ve been looking for

World Heritage Post

All i do is screenshot and forget it’s in my camera roll

What is man but a miserable little pile of screenshots

Last week I joked that my very cerebral, retired-police-chief-grandpa is basically Holt from Brooklyn 99 and then today someone said, “damn, we’re out of decaf” and he just deadpans “well there’s no need to get hysterical.”

Yesterday he said “if you need to insult the same person twice you’ve already failed in your goal to devastate them”

My Yaya was trying to remember the name of a guy who stole money from her in high school today and my grandpa instantly pipes up “his name was Bernie Ryan and he was a scoundrel”

Good Job Gang.

I JUST UGLY LAUGHED SO HARD I WOKE UP THE DAMN HOUSE JFC!!!

LOL

HOLY FUCKK DO NOT CLICK THIS IF YOU NEED TO BE QUIET

We’re literally in a Philip K. Dick novel, as has become abundantly clear. Seriously, that’s impossible to distinguish from his published works.

I would like to suggest that using anything with the slightest element of chance or unpredictability in it as a divination method is such integral and widespread human behavior that this reaaaaally should have been anticipated.

if there was a post to describe australia, this is it

wake up australia 

It’s cold here, so they just bounce off the windows and lie there and twitch spasmodically while you look for the shovel.

Basically hurling themselves at windows is the worst thing birds do

yeah man a kookaburra literally flew into a classroom at my high school and just sat his smug ass down on top of the desk for a good 20 minutes

why has nobody mentioned the fact that in australia there are 3-4 months a year where everybody just accepts that they’re going to get attacked by magpies. It is literally called “swooping season” and these birds will fly down to peck your fucking face, and people get their eyes ripped out and shit, it’s fucking brutal.

My teacher had to go to hospital and have surgery because of swooping season. It was in the parking lot of school and all the kids would do a mad dash towards the car as the magpies tried to kill us.

no but when you’re 12 years old and riding your bike like mad on the way home from school with an icecream bucket on your head with like branches and shit sticking out if it to scare them off and none of this is considered strange

what the actual fuck australia 

I am pretty sure all of these Australia stories are a massive, globally-spanning trolling effort, and only the people who have visited the country are allowed to be in on the joke.

Australia: the only country where it is necessary to sign a peace treaty with the birds in order to stay unmangled.

They did lose the Emu War, after all.

person running in an anime opening: *dramatically stumbles a little but doesn’t fall*

i hate that you added this because this is EXACTLY what i watched before making this post

cards against humanity not only buying part of the U.S border to stop trump from building the wall between the U.S and Mexico but also hiring a law firm specializing in eminent domain with the intent of making it harder and more expensive for the government to build the wall has got to be the boldest move in this stupid simulation we’re living in. not all heroes wear capes

Some wear [a windmill full of corpses]

Are there no fucking butterflies in japan