heaven smiles upon me because of my good deeds

Bear religion probably fucking rocks. You're a fucking bear, you're the deadliest thing on earth, once a year an endless supply of salmon just flings itself up the river to gorge on and then you nap for 3 months.

The most delicious food in the world is protected by tiny demons who can defend it from everyone except you. Your natural armor is thick enough that you can just eat the damn hive while they buzz around you. God's chosen animals right there

love the idea of bears being the chosen species actually. having a near death experience and glimpsing heaven and realising it's just full of bears, no humans at all, humans not ensouled actually, humans an accidental byproduct of God's plan for bears

Everyone has an accent it came free with your language 🙄

Congrats to every reply like this for failing to understand the fundamental definition of an accent. Of course you think you sound normal! It's the way you speak!

Gonna sign language at you in a very southern accent

what if on Taskmaster one of the contestants died in the middle of filming a task but after doing enough of the task for it to be deemed complete so since there was nothing in the rules to say you had to be alive throughout they allowed it. & then all the other contestants bombed so badly that the dead person won the task and in the studio Greg was there like 'wow you all managed to do worse than Christine and she was dead for most of it'

they don't sub in a replacement contestant for the studio shows so one of the chairs is just empty and sometimes when contestants are arguing their case on something they're like 'I think if Christine was still with us she'd take my side' and Greg would be like 'for fuck's sake stop bringing up Christine'

also everyone (Greg included) would dunk on Alex for 'killing Christine' with the task and Alex would keep nervously laughing it off and be like 'legally speaking we weren't responsible for what happened to Christine'

the interstitials for the season occasionally feature randomly inserted shots of Christine's lifeless body lying on the ground

obviously it would already have been announced that Christine died filming Taskmaster but during the show they wouldn't say which task it happened in so every time there's a Christine segment it'd be like is this the one where she died 🤔 let's watch and find out

I think it sucks that you have to go to so many different kinds of doctor to take care of yourself. It's the 21st century. I should be able to go to a single office where they scan me with a big xerox machine and tell me what I'm allergic to and why my tummy hurts and if I have any cancer or cavities or if my glasses prescription has changed. And then I should get a sticker.

i....found a rare shoegaze tape. legit. band does not exist online. tape is at least 20 years old. This is so Sam

100,000 notes i shut the whole damn thing down. do u wanna contribute to that?

reminder that yearly goals are achieved by setting monthly goals that are achieved by setting weekly goals. Achieving your major goals comes through progress and setting smaller, challenging but achievable goals that leads to getting through those major goals. This helps make those major, daunting goals less daunting, having step by step for yourself to achieve whatever you want.

mushroom... corn.... apples...dirt

the 4 stooges of greif