Bard Of An Author

of course Conan Gray made me realize this was a problem-

I wish my parents would just say 'I love you' without overthinking my feelings about liking boys. We’re glad that chapter is behind us (though it’s never really over—I’m still in love, and I wish I weren’t). I’m tired of being scared of this part of myself—I've never outright said it, but I can read the room.

When my dad indirectly dissed Will Byers during his coming out scene when it meant so much to me, it said everything—like when he sarcastically dismissed the #MeToo movement as just a joke, dismissing my feelings. Maybe you were gay when you were young, but you’ve buried that part of yourself so deep you won’t even admit it to yourself, would that be okay? I guess you say im over dramatic, so be it. So, fuck you, but I still love you. I know my parents have looked at my Tumblr and called me ‘fucked up in the head’ for kissing my best friend—how is that fucked up? How? Explain. Is it wrong? Too bad. I’ve been living with this feeling of being wrong since I was born, hiding who I am because I was scared. But now I realize you’re just pitiful people, and I still love you. So, fuck you and love you. To my parents: you’ve always wanted me to admit that I hate you, Dad. I’ve never hated you—I just hated how you hated that part of me, even though it’s always been there.

Sorry, Dad, I can’t say it to your face. Guess you’ll have to snoop around again, hypocrite. And I’ll never say it out loud. I know you mean well, but you don't get to treat me like I'm the problem when you’ve got your own issues. It’s not my problem that I like boys. Do you think I chose this? Probably. You don't understand why, but I love people who are different from you. I hope one day you’ll love all of me, just as I love all of you. It’s just this one part I hate about you—nothing else.